All posts by Rivergirl

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Have shovel, will travel.

23 Comments

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Hard as it is to believe after the apple tree planting fiasco of 2021, my husband was back at it the other day … ripping up the dead apple twigs and filling the holes with bigger and better new trees.

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He came home with a beautiful flowering cherry I would have loved for the back lawn where I could see it every day….

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So naturally he planted it on the far side of the barn where it’s completely blocked by the building and out of line of sight from our house.

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It will however be prime viewing when playing pool in the man cave.

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It’s a pretty tree and was an immediate bee magnet. In no time flat they were circling and we were stepping away.

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I might just have to buy another for my viewing pleasure.

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News you can’t use.

28 Comments

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The plethora of stupid headlines assures I will never run out of things to share.

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I’m going to pass on ordering one of those, just as I do on the extended car warranties.

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Now there’s an item positively screaming to be hung in the man cave bar.

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I don’t know about you, but I honestly don’t want to know the answer to that.

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*crosses Texas off her vacation destination list*

Who am I kidding? It was never on there in the first place.

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Making himself at home.

20 Comments

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Our resident fox is feeling comfortable at the buffet.

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They’re such beautiful creatures and I love seeing him trot up from the woods every evening.

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While he comes for the seeds and nuts spilled from the bird feeders, I also feed him mealworms, apples and berries which he loves.

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And small breed, high protein, grain free dry dog food with taurine. It’s the closest I can come to the fox food they sell on UK Amazon but won’t ship to the United States. Boo to that.

I’m hoping if he makes himself at home the law of averages will let him cross paths with a certain… oh so scrumptious… red squirrel who shall remain nameless.

😈

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Let’s play.

53 Comments

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You know you want to.

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I hate to say it, but the first thing that came to my mind when I read this?

Humans. The planet would be a far better, greener place without us. Goes without saying my blog stats would drop dramatically, but it’s a small price to pay.

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On a lighter note, there’s one simple answer for me.

Kale. The sooner we rid the world of this noxious weed the better…

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No kale crackers, no kale chips and for the love of all that’s holy… no kale ice cream.

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🤮

How about you? What do you want to banish from earth….

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Epic Sangria fail.

27 Comments

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With warm weather approaching a lot of local bars have started serving white wine sangria and I’m making it my mission in life to try them all.

A girl has to have goals.

Not being a huge fan of the heavier red versions, I looked forward to this one…

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Kiwi, pear and apple? Yes please.

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I should have known something was off when it was served with an orange, and true to form this was the most horrible concoction I’d had in ages.

Do not put Vanilla vodka in Sangria. Ever.

Blech!

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That’s the ruination of perfectly good fruit.

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Mother Chucker

22 Comments

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Big momma woodchuck is out of hibernation and stuffing her face at a rapid pace.

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I’d thrown out bread for the birds earlier that morning but when I saw her arrive and start munching, I quickly gave her lettuce instead.

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You know, the head of iceberg lettuce my husband brought home from the store after I specifically wrote “green leaf, red leaf, Boston or romaine…. anything but iceberg!” on the grocery list.

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Even as hungry as momma chuck was….

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She left most of the tasteless crunchy white parts.

🤣

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Bonk… part 2.

25 Comments

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The warning still stands. Graphic ( but funny ) sexual content to follow.

Read at your own risk!

Remember the days when you agonized over your Halloween costume? Dressing up and getting it just right was important.

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I don’t know about you, but a Grim Reaper penis is not likely to heighten anything for me except anxiety.

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Yes, there’s an entire section of this book devoted to Napoleon’s great grand niece and her crazy theories on female orgasms. I’ll spare you the details.

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I admit to shuddering slightly after reading this footnote. Rock salt and shredded newspaper? I have never in my life been so glad I don’t live in Indonesia.

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Sorry Betty. but I shall be referring to it as the Whipple Tickle from now on.

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Quack snack.

13 Comments

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You never know what kind of birds will show up at our feeders in the morning.

Cardinals? Check.

Bluebirds? Yup.

Ruby Throated Hummingbirds are back and I saw the first Baltimore Oriole yesterday. But this morning?

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It was a pair of Mallard ducks.

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They’re comical to watch as it’s mating season and the male follows closely behind the female everywhere she goes. She leads him on a merry chase and you know she enjoys it immensely.

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Would you visit a pizzle museum?

27 Comments

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You have to admire a man who follows his passion and makes his dream come true. No matter how strange that dream may be….

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Yes, there really is a museum devoted to the penis. And surprise! A man thought of it.

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Let’s imagine the reading of that will shall we?

“ To my beloved wife… I leave our house, vehicles and savings account.”

“To my devoted children… I leave a substantial trust fund for their college education”

“To the strange man I met on the subway, I leave my penis… because I’ve always been proud of it and he promised to put it on display .”

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A bull whip penis will not be on the top of my Christmas list. Nope. Never. And can you imagine receiving one as a gift? I have a lot of fake smiles in my repertoire…. MIL cooked meals, Pampered Chef parties, office charity auctions, etc… but even I’d be hard put to look happy unwrapping that.

🥴

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I am not a pioneer woman.

24 Comments

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Not traveling for the past 2 years has been tough. It seems we were just getting into the swing of navigating our time share resort catalog… culling the ordinary and finding some fabulous spots… and then Covid slammed the door. While I’d be up for getting back on the road, my husband is still hesitant so we’re sticking close to home for now. I’ve been slowly researching some New England escapes my spouse might be comfortable with and the other day I came across this:

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Let me state for the record… unequivocally and without a doubt… I am not a camper. I have absolutely zero pioneering spirit and require hot and cold running Egyptian cotton sheets.

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While I love nature, the outdoors and hiking during the day, ( before my knee injury, damn it ) I prefer to sleep in air conditioned comfort on a king sized pillow top not sweltering in a 12×6 wagon with mosquitoes large enough to carry you away.

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Trust me, it’s not. And I wouldn’t.

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The words magical wagon and camp grounds are not used in the same sentence, not in my world.

And when I heard they rent for $1,500 a night? Yeeha! That’s a hard pass.

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