Category Archives: Uncategorized

I think this has to be a new series.

September 12, 2019 Rivergirl 39 Comments

I read an article the other day that was so good it might need to become a blog series.

It’s about words.

Stop that.

It’s going to be great, I promise.

English is a funny language and apparently if it’s not your mother tongue, can be quite difficult to learn. So naturally it stands to reason there would be a large collection of foreign words with no direct English equivalent.

Let’s explore that.

Kummerspeck (German)

Excess weight gained from emotional overeating.

Literally, grief bacon.

Grief bacon!

It’s official.

Kummerspeck is now my new favorite word.

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Do I like bacon?

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Indeed I do.

Do I care that it’s bad for you?

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No. I do not.

2. Mencolek (Indonesian)

The old trick where you tap someone lightly on the opposite shoulder from behind to fool them.

Where was this word when I was young?

I totally slayed Mencolek in the 3rd grade.

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3. Seigneur-terraces (French)

Coffee shop dwellers who sit at tables a long time, but spend very little money.

Funny….

In English we just call them cheap.

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4. Slampadato (Italian)

Someone addicted to the UV glow of tanning salons.

I think we all know one of those.

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And finally..

5. Pana Po’o (Hawaiian)

To scratch your head in order to help you remember something you’ve forgotten.

This is not a technique I’m familiar with, but then I’ve never been to Hawaii so what do I know?

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But to hell with remembering where the keys are …

This is pure brilliance.

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I must lead a sheltered life.

September 11, 2019 Rivergirl 29 Comments

Because not only had I never heard of this woman and her bizarre career choice….

But I was totally unaware there was an audience for it as well.

I have an iPhone.

Which means I have Apple News.

So last week I was scrolling through the stories of the day and stumbled across this:

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I shouldn’t have watched.

I know that…. believe me. But I thought it was a joke. I figured I would laugh and blog about the ridiculousness of it.

It wasn’t a joke.

And apparently this is a thing.

There’s an entire YouTube channel devoted to watching Dr. Sandra Lee pop people’s pimples.

She has 5,643,803 subscribers FFS!

I fear for the future of the human race when over half a billion people have nothing better to do than watch this:

We’re doomed I tell you.

Doomed.

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My only question is… why?

September 10, 2019 Rivergirl 33 Comments

I never know what I’ll find in my husband’s barn.

The other day? I found this hanging on the wall….

After I was through shuddering, I named it Creepy Baby.

Because, it’s a baby. And it’s creepy. I swear it’s eyes follow me around the room, and you know that never ends well.

I also saw this perched on the window sill.

Yes….

It is what you think it is.

The question is….

As a decorative item, it leaves a lot to be desired.

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And I can only hope the mechanism used to make it go boom isn’t in there as well.

But with my husband?

You never know.

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Going hog wild…

September 9, 2019 Rivergirl 18 Comments

I’m beginning to wonder if my town has a problem.

A pig problem.

On the contrary, I love pigs….

But I’m starting to think they’ve all heard about the backyard buffet we lay out and are on their way.

You see, they’ve been escaping at an alarming rate.

Every time I check our local FB page –

Well, they’d be pretty hard to miss now wouldn’t they?

And as much as I love seeing new wildlife at out house, technically these guys aren’t wild…

And usually make a mess of their lawns.

So unless they’re housebroken and well groomed?

Kindly keep your piggies corralled.

I’d hate to explain that accident to my car insurance company.

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Is it me….

September 8, 2019 Rivergirl 24 Comments

Or is our woodchuck beginning to look like Jabba the Hut?

Look closely now…

Can you see the resemblance?

I think it’s pretty clear.

They could be twins.

Yup.

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Too good not to share… the finale.

September 7, 2019 Rivergirl 37 Comments

Crazy real estate agent’s photos part 3, and let’s start it off with a bang.

Or a boom as the case may be..

There’s so much wrong with this I don’t even know where to start. Aside from the obvious WTF factor…. this guy looks like he’s getting ready to goose you. Why are his hands open wide? Why do you have to reach into his chest to flush? And considering what he must see everyday… why the hell is he smiling?

Wow.

Someone clearly had too much time… and acrylic paint… on their hands.

Just your normal bathroom/dining room combo…

And bathroom/kitchen combo….

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And bathroom/bedroom combo.

Porches.

Not just for outside anymore.

When you live in the city… but your wife really wants a cow.

Because sun shade awnings are stylish anywhere.

Proof positive there is such a thing as too much togetherness.

Truly.

I’m not sure what’s more disturbing about this bizarre bathtub… the fact that it’s covered in carpet?

That it has 4 decorative poles?

Or that it appears to have an electric heater installed on the side?

I don’t know.

I really don’t.

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A critter filled post.

September 6, 2019 Rivergirl 29 Comments

Because my photo files are filled with critter pics.

A wet fox.

Two wet foxes.

Okay, okay… moving on.

Baby woodchuck.

These pics are a month or two old, they’re not babies anymore.

I can’t tell you exactly how old because my stupid camera’s date and time setting is broken and everything registers 1/1/1980.

Why? I have no frickin’ clue.

Buck, on the field line.

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Doe, in the field.

Wet skunk.

Wet skunk and deer.

This next one is blurry, but how often do you get a shot of a deer sticking her tongue out at a skunk?

Skunk Rule #1?

Do not be rude to skunks.

They will make you pay… and the photographer’s house will stink for a week.

More woodchucks….

Eating apples.

And woodchucks eating deer grain.

More deer.

And deer eating deer grain.

More skunks.

More foxes.

Skunk and fox.

Please remember Skunk Rule #1.

There is no Skunk Rule #2…. when the tail goes up?

Run.

More woodchucks.

I’d like to tell you that’s all the photos…. but it’s not even close.

That’s all for now though.

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Hurricane humor….

September 5, 2019 Rivergirl 29 Comments

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve experienced many terrible storms over the years. When we lived down south we had trees come through the windows and parts of our roof ripped off. The destruction is real and nothing to be taken lightly…..

That being said, we also had a sense of humor.

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We had to.

And while my heart breaks for the people of the Bahamas suffering the devastation of Dorian, I’m twisted enough to laugh along with my friends in Florida who were spared the worst of her.

Their FB page had this the other day…

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A very useful thing when you’re living on canned goods and snacks because there’s no electricity.

They also posted this pic of their local grocery store.

Now really… how bad does your bread have to be to be the only brand left on the shelf during a hurricane?

And finally, this news blurb I saw on my phone.

Phil? I have two words for you –

Spell check.

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It has clearly been a loooong time.

September 4, 2019 Rivergirl 45 Comments

Waiting for the husband the other day….. (I swear, that man will talk to a rock) I sat aimlessly, playing with my phone.

Scoped Apple news, saw an article on concerts in Las Vegas and thought, we have timeshare resorts there…. I’ll take a look.

Lady Gaga in October?

That could be fun.

Or not…

I believe my jaw literally dropped open.

Okay, I get it.

I’m old.

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My concert going days ended with the Grateful Dead and CSN. Back when a record was an actual vinyl record… (look it up kids, V- I- N- Y- L)

But mother of god!

$8,097 for 2 tickets?

For that price I’ll want Gaga to rip some of that meat off her dress, cook me dinner and do the dishes when she finishes singing.

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Who the hell can afford that?

Again… I know, I’m old. 55, that’s practically dead.

And the last ticket price I paid was probably $75.

But damn.

You shouldn’t have to mortgage your house to see a show.

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You’re never too old to learn… Succulent Picture Frame.

September 3, 2019 Rivergirl 26 Comments

Gather round students…. the Maine ~~is this for real?~~ Adult Education classes continue.

If you live in Maine you can learn some wonderful things. So far in this riveting series we’ve had:

You’re never too old to learn…. Spoons.

You’re never to old to learn…. Potatoes.

You’re never too old to learn…. Ukulele

You’re never too old to learn…. Chakra Toning.

You’re never too old to learn…. Mindfulness.

You’re never to old to learn…. Tin Cans.

You’re never too old to learn…. Knotweed Flutes.

And today we continue with Succulent Picture Frames.

(Disclaimer – This class does not require sucking. But I think that’s offered at PT’s Showclub in Portland.)

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Course description:

Succulent Picture Frame

Having live plants around as we transition into fall will brighten every day and beautify your home. You will set up your own succulent picture frame with a variety of plants to create your own living art! You will also receive instruction on how to care for this gorgeous creation to enjoy it all year long. The price of the course includes all materials to make one succulent picture frame. Materials fee of $60 included in the price of the course. No discounts.

A frame. Made out of plants.

My first question is why?

Don’t get me wrong, I love plants… they’re beautiful and versatile.