Wine.
We all love it, but it rarely makes us laugh.
Until now.
Best.
Wine.
Name.
Ever!
I am not happy. Again.
Remember the beautiful mallow I planted this spring?
They were doing so well.
I’d found the perfect spot for them and was looking forward to years of beautiful blooms.
But it won’t happen.
Because…..
So I sprayed.
And they ate right through it.
I sprayed again.
It didn’t repel anything. Matter of fact, I think they liked it better that way.
So I sprayed a third time.
You know where this is headed right? I spread red pepper flakes, I scattered moth balls… it didn’t matter.
And now?
My beautiful mallow look like this:
The adorable and quite ungrateful, I feed them apples for Christ’s sake! little furry creatures discovered my mallow and decided to keep noshing no matter what deterrent I tried.
Yes, I’m talking to you.
Apparently mallow is a tasty woodchuck treat, and they made short work of my once gorgeous plants.
They nibbled so much and so quickly, I had to dig the plants up and put them in pots on our deck.
And then….
Yeah.
The I still love them but they’re trying my patience tiny devils climbed up on the deck, tracked down the mallow and tried to munch them right in front of me.
That’s balls.
So now?
My ugly ass, half dead, skinny, leafless stalks of mallow are up on the table looking ridiculous while I ply them with Miracle Grow and hope for the best.
But I am really not happy.
Curly haired girls rejoice!
I’ve always had naturally curly hair. And while that didn’t allow me to blend in during the long straight 70’s, I came into my own during the bigger the better 80’s.
Women still pay large amounts of money for perms, but fresh from the shower and allowed to air dry?
My hair looks like this –
I normally embrace my curl… except on damp days when I tend to look like this:
But there are times when I’d like a change. A slightly more controlled look.
Before I found the wonder product I’m about to share with you …. with no remuneration from the company though damn it, they should… this meant schlepping to a hair salon and paying someone to spend an hour pulling and tugging my locks into submission with a hot blow dryer and a medieval torture device large round brush.
But now?
Now that I’ve found this miracle wand?
It’s smooth sailing when ever I want.
In no time flat my hair is …
Flat!
And now that you’ve seen more pictures of the back of my head than you ever thought possible?
Go get yourself one of these.
It’s quick, it’s easy… and if you can twirl spaghetti?
You can have straight… or in my case straighter… hair than you ever dreamed of at home.
It’s just wood.
No, not that kind of wood.
The kind that my husband wanted to replace this:
Our deck railings, which are rotting in a few places.
I’ve tried to talk him into ripping the whole deck out and putting in Trek composite…. yours truly is tired of staining every 2-3 years…. but no. He got half of the deck wood at a yard sale, for free.
It must be preserved.
Did it match the existing wider deck planks?
No. But you’re not supposed to notice that.
So…. we shopped for wood and different railings.
If you’ve never shopped for wood with my husband you don’t know what you’re missing.
He used to run a quality assurance shop for helicopters in the Marine Corps and he takes quality seriously.
Does it surprise you to learn that we spent more than an hour searching for 2 pieces….. and he didn’t find any he liked?
It shouldn’t.
But I did come home with new bronze deck balusters.
To be continued….
Grocery store funnies.
Lately there’s always something photo worthy at the grocery store.
Since the viral apocalypse, I’ve been seeing weird things on the shelves. Every day items have been replaced with generic and no name brands.
And when it comes to no name brands?
You can’t get any more nameless than this toilet paper.
Not wasting money on advertising slogans here. No sir.
Another weird sight?
A line of products approved by a skinny earth friendly butcher.
Beefy flavored stroganoff?
I’ll pass.
Chickenless Buffalo chicken?
Nope. It’s all yours.
But at least the pad Thai had authentic rice noodles. Because there’s nothing worse than wannabe rice.
And okay, I get it…. vegans have to eat. But it always makes me chuckle the lengths they’ll go to to approximate the taste of meat. If they don’t want to eat animal flesh, fine. They can stuff themselves with kale. Heck, I’ll gladly give them my share.
But enough with the winking plant protein butcher.
He’s not fooling anyone.
A Covid 19 4th of July.
We were invited to a few get togethers last weekend, but passed on all of them. I’m afraid I just don’t trust people well enough to gather in groups yet.
So I took a picture of my new, appropriately patriotic flowering plant….
And we stayed home to mow the lawn instead.
Yard work is an all day event ’round here, but it’s quite satisfying.
The daylilies are popping…. and when we were through mowing and whacking and trimming we fired up the grill.
And had an adult beverage while the husband stared, still enraptured by his new toy and it’s viewing window.
( Latest Seagram’s flavor review: Wild Berries – meh. Won’t be buying that one again.)
After some truly marvelous steaks, husband raked grass clumps…. and while I was cleaning up the kitchen?
I looked out the window….. and took a picture through the screen which looks like a bad acid trip.
( Or so I’ve been told. I have no personal experience. No. Not me. Uh uh. )
But yes.
That cute little bugger was at it again.
Eating one of the flowers he’s not supposed to like to eat.
Someone needs to revise that list.
CSA Week 3 and 4… because I forgot and you probably don’t care anyway.
Our half share of the 3rd CSA from our neighbor was a lovely assortment.
Swiss chard, white radishes, green leaf lettuce, carrots, mesclun mix, spinach, cucumber, basil and ….
What I thought was parsley.
But turned out to be chervil. If nothing else, I’m learning a lot about green things this summer.
With those fresh ingredients, it was spinach salad with apples, radish, mushroom and purple onion for dinner.
Yes, I like a little parm on top as well.
A bright berry mixed green salad was dinner the next night.
Week 4 saw the family we split with out of town, so we received the entire share.
And that’s a big bag of veg.
Zucchini, turnip, cucumber, mustard greens, parsley, carrots, mesclun mix, parsnip, spinach, lemon basil, butterhead lettuce and cilantro.
Not being fennel fans, we passed that and the dreaded cilantro off to a friend.
But ooh la la!
Fresh aromatic lemon basil meant from scratch marinade…
For delicious grilled chicken breasts that night.
Recipe below if anyone is interested.
Why is nothing ever easy?
Take staining the deck for example.
I do it every few years, and that time had rolled around again.
So I went to Lowes and had them mix this color.
A nice warm chocolate brown.
Then I duded up in my paint clothes, gathered my brushes and hacked back the boxwood shrubs that were in the way.
All was well…. until I opened my can of stain.
And saw that.
Does that look like a warm chocolate brown to you?
It wasn’t even close.
And looked positively awful when painted on the deck railing. Like liquid peanut butter.
Blech.
Way too light.
Knowing I’d have to return it but not wanting to change clothes and drive 40 minutes to Lowes, I ran up to the local hardware store for a darker stain.
Of course they were almost out of stain and only had one choice…. which I bought, went home and tried.
Nope.
Way too dark.
I was beginning to feel like Goldilocks…
And trudged back to the hardware store to return the second can.
By the time I got back, the husband told me to hold off staining because he wanted to replace all the old rotted railings with something nicer.
Another project?
I’m not sure I have it in me.
And how long will I have to live with a multicolored railing?
Stay tuned for this and other equally as uninteresting answers.
I see you….
Do you see him?
They really do blend in.
But the little chuckers are in there.
Destructive…. but too damn cute to stay mad at.
Yes, you.
And your five furry little brothers.
(Two chucks in this photo)
I beg to differ Oprah.
Flipping through O magazine the other day (I get it free, don’t judge) I realized Oprah and I disagree about a few things.
Most importantly, her list of must have items.
She might find these necessary and affordable, but I don’t.
Seriously? Bragging about your house manager Eddie and his cocktail mixing prowess is bad form. Especially when we peons are occasionally forced to drink cocktails from can.
Let’s forget the revolting sounding ‘flavor capsule’…. why in the world would I pay $350 to have a machine mix my drink.
My local pub’s bartender does a fine job and he never expects that big a tip.
$70 for a bottle.
To put alcohol and fruit in.
Call me classy, but a mason jar works just as well for a lot less.
Good grief.
$195 so my selfies can be better lighted?
I’m 55 and menopausal. No one wants to see that any more clearly than they already have.
Oprah redeemed herself slightly with this last pick.
It’s been a while since I shopped at Talbots, but I could probably rock a pair of these.
Cheers!
River's world..... 