Pandemic humor.

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Because I’m still laughing. (Mostly at myself, but hey… you’ve got to work with what you’ve got.)

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Actual selfie of author

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Now that’s what I call following the CDC guidelines.

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Wow. Now I’m really glad we got another cat.

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Agreed. I listen to my husband’s all the time and trust me, they would be greatly improved with a keg or two.

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I vaguely remember wandering aimlessly through brick and mortar stores sometime in the distant past….

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Technically this last one isn’t pandemic humor… but we’ve all spent so much time on social media lately it seemed appropriate.

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It got interesting alright.

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Remember last week when I posted about the giant tarp and a high wind storm coming our way?

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Well, it came.

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And the tarp went.

Sailing off the roof, across the lawn and down into the woods where it rolled into a large ball and sailed right back up to the house.

How well did those grommets hold?

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Not very well as it turns out.

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Sadly along with the wind came rain. And with the tarp protecting nothing but snow covered ground, our ceiling leaked again.

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And the water broke through my previous patch job on the beam.

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So today I’ve been spackling and sanding trying to fill the hole.

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And bleaching the numerous stains on the ceiling…. which is getting quite ridiculous. Every storm brings a new stain in a slightly different spot.

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I’m seriously thinking of painting the damn thing in polka dots until spring.

And if you’re wondering what Lord Mountcatten was doing through all the excitement?

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Trying to ignore it of course.

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I love my town… Part who cares anymore.

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Our town has come up with some marvelously creative ways to keep kids active and engaged during the Covid months. This is the latest.

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Businesses and public areas are all displaying clues.

In other news, people are offering free treasures.

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Dirty, smoke stained old cups from a discontinued set? Christ, don’t tell my husband.. he’d be on them like white on rice.

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An icicle contest. Most excellent!

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Our big one had grown to 5 feet so I proudly entered it to take the lead…..

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Until Robert showed up.

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Damn you Robert. You and your massive projectile.

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Weekly Dudley post.

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Yes, this might be a thing for a while.

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Lord Dudley Mountcatten has discovered my computer… and in typical cat fashion must get in between me and it whenever I attempt usage.

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And as you can see by his level of relaxation….

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He has finally decided we are fit to live with and worthy enough to wait on him hand and foot.

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His highness is not overly thrilled with being picked up and cuddled…

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But realizes the daily allotment of weed is dependent upon keeping the humans amused.

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Why is it every time you try to video a cat playing with toys they stop dead and stare at you?

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Random winter clutter

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In Maine, in the winter…. the shrubbery arms itself.

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Come at me with that hedge trimmer now bitch. I dare you.

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Cow on a plow. Take that you flakey little green troll.

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Lord Dudley Mountcatten enjoys the morning sun shining through my filthy windows and likes to relax on the back of the sofa.

He’s so relaxed that sometimes he falls sound asleep and lands on the sill.

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And tries to pretend is was on purpose.

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Nice try Dudley, but I know better. I heard the plop.

Next up, Maine wisdom from The Flatlanda in Fairfield.

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And speaking of winter, we’ve had a decided lack of snow this season. Mere inches that melts shortly after it falls. In previous years March looked like this:

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That’s my husband walking the road in front of our house.

This year, we have green soggy grass. No climate change my *ss.

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Catapalooza.

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The crazy cat lady Facebook algorithm is in full swing.

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Does my furniture require cat feet stockings?

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It most definitely does not.

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That goes the same for my feet….

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And my lips.

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Cat ear beret? Okay, I admit I could almost see myself wearing that.

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Is it me, or does this cat look like he’s plotting his owner’s slow and painful dismemberment?

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Unisex? On what planet….

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But there.

At least they got something right.

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And then there was a television.

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Next up in the Barn Mahal remodel was the addition of a 50 inch flat screen on a swiveling wall mount .

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Husband laid out all the pieces and parts….

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While I laid out snacks and a beef stew with crusty French bread I’d cooked to bribe a friend for installation assistance.

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The thoughtful friend even brought me a bar christening gift. I love those.

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Installation started well… and then as is wont to happen whenever we work in the man cave… it went straight downhill.

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Nothing lined up as it should, so a little force majeure was needed.

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When they thought it was mounted properly, they carried the television over…

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Only to realize the mount was upside down.

Oops.

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When that error was corrected?

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They dropped two weird sized screws (not sold on planet Earth) which promptly rolled into the floor cracks.

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After I took pity and found them both…. mounting continued. Leveling the tv was easier said than done.

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And though the bracket was perfectly centered between the booze shelves on the left and the WWII propaganda posters on the right…. they didn’t take the swiveling arm into account, so when it’s flush against the wall as it needs to be to allow access to the bar?

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It’s too far to the left… which will drive me crazy for years to come because the husband says he’s not moving it.

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Oh, well. It’s mounted and seems to be secure.

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Now I need to schedule an appointment for Direct TV to come install another what do you mean the barn is too far from the house to run off the same satellite dish. I was really hoping that wouldn’t be necessary but they assure me it is.

Ka Ching!

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Pandemic language.

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Husband was flipping through a magazine the other day and came across this…

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I think we all know our fair share of those.

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While I adore my phone, I have a strict no tech in bed policy. That way there be monsters….

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Karen. What a bitch.

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I admit to not being familiar with that term.

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But yes, it seems every day is Blursday lately.

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Needless to say I am very familiar with that term.

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Snow globe dining.

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Maine people have always known how to work around the weather. And though this winter has been mild compared to previous years, Covid restrictions have required businesses to use their imaginations like never before.

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Pineland Farms started life as a state run institution for the “idiotic and feeble minded” in 1907. Many horror stories floated out of those buildings, some from my cousin who worked there with mentally handicapped children in the late 70’s. It was closed in 1996 due to scandal and rumors of unsatisfactory care and has since undergone an amazing transformation.

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Nature trails, event weddings, a farm cooperative and store. They sell the beef they raise and the produce they grow. They make wonderful cheese and have a tasty little restaurant.

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But now?

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They have life sized snow globes as well.

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What’s not to love?

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Time traveler …. the finale.

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Yes, I’ve finally reached the end of words that were added to the dictionary in the year of my birth.

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It’s been an enlightening journey.

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Umami. In Japanese it means “essence of deliciousness”, but you might know it better as MSG.

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Wagyu , a heavily marbled Japanese beef. I can’t say I’ve ever tried it but it’s supposed to be fabulous. And it better be, I read they give the cows beer to stimulate their appetites and massage them with Saki. At least they meet their end happy.

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Yay. Seeing that this was the year I graced the planet with my presence, this word needs no explanation.

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Zester. River loves her some citrus so I’m thrilled to take credit for this handy dandy kitchen tool.

Lemon zest makes everything better, and if you’ve never tried it? Add a pinch to your lemon drop martini.

Cheers!

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