This popped up in my Facebook memories today and since I wasn’t blogging here 5 years ago?
I have to share.
As seen in Goodwill, a rubber chicken.
It was a dog toy, but a more wrong rubber chicken you’re not apt to find.
I suppose you could say they were singing…. but I’m afraid my mind went elsewhere.
And for a further chuckle?
Read the detailed description that came with them.
I dare you not to laugh.
“This rubber chicken is not any ordinary chicken, when you squeeze him he makes a loud screaming sound, it can help you relaxing your pressure and bringing you good mood. This squeaky rubber chicken will make a comical addition to your dog’s toy chest! Screaming sound when you squeeze it “Squeeze me when you are happy. I will make you and your friend laugh” “Squeeze me when you are not happy. I will help you relax” “My shrilling scream will let you have unexpected fun and entertainment, relax and release stress.” Once you have this funny scream chicken you can lose your press and became more smooth.”
Broken toe and all I was assisting…. to which my lovely flip flop tan lines can attest.
I was staining. And photographing the husband sanding over the two planks he just had me stain.
He has a very organized work plan.
Not.
Am I organized?
Screws and washers laid out, paired and waiting to be used.
So yes, damn it…. I am.
But a railing was installed.
And measuring was done.
I would say not enough measuring by the looks of the piece of wood he replaced when I was in the house.
He tried to tell me it was always like that, but what really happened was this – he removed a section of rotted beam, didn’t have one to replace it… but did have a small 2×4 he thought would do just as well when turned sideways.
Did it match? No.
Was it long enough? No.
But he graduated from the school of I’m Not Going To The Store To Buy A New Piece When I Have An Old Piece Under The Barn.
His defense rests.
He promised to “stick a little piece in later” but I doubt that will be an improvement.
*Please note there is a bright yellow 21rst century tool on the deck in the fifth picture. I placed it there hoping the husband would put it to use, but I’m sure you know how that turned out. *
Temperatures and humidity rose to an unbearable level but the deck railing project moved on.
Slowly.
And with copious amounts of sweat.
Rotted wood here.
Rotted wood there.
And then my husband decided to add the piece of J channel that he was supposed to add 16 years ago when he enlarged the deck.
(No judgement on the dirty siding please, we have yet to buy a new pressure washer.)
The existing piece only ran halfway and the task of replacing it has been on my honey do list for almost two decades.
So off to the store he went, coming back with white J channel, while the old piece is beige.
This was a problem.
That he knew he could solve.
Hours were spent on this tiny annoying detail.
The old piece wouldn’t come out without tearing off the siding, and the siding had been caulked around the door and corner post so that was more hassle than it was worth.
He tried to slide it over, then under, and then up around the old piece but nothing worked.
Hot and frustrated, he ended up cutting a section of the old piece out and we were left with this.
A gap which will probably fill with water when it rains, but hey… it matches.
And if you’re wondering what I was doing during this time?
I was breaking the little toe on my right foot which isn’t so little anymore.
Ever the helpful wife, that’s me.
For something so small, it’s amazing how much that sucker can swell and hurt.
The result of my injury?
Husband had to do my job of staining the new wood.
Guest towels from the spare bathroom you nail into a long piece of wood when your wife isn’t looking.
Foolishness –
The gift a friend gives you because she knows you’re allergic to horsefly bites.
With a name like the Bug Bite Thing, you don’t expect it to work.
And no surprise, it didn’t. A horsefly bit me, I suctioned my arm as directed and still swelled up like a politician at a pay by the plate fundraising dinner.
More foolishness –
Contains 40% urea.
WTF!
Don’t know what urea is?
Google it, I’ll wait.
**********************
Right?
Who in the world wants to rub urine on their feet.
And on the off chance I ever do? I’ll save myself some money and ask the neighbor’s dog to pee on me. Lord knows he’s been trying to for years.
Where there's only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.
River's world..... 