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It’s not much of a stretch to say this house is run solely for the comfort and convenience of the cat.
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When his Lordship wants to look out the window?
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His Lordship looks out the window.
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Even if his parents are trying to stop the sunlight fading their furniture.
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A girlfriend and I hit Goodwill the other day and if nothing else, it’s a great place to pick up cheap books.
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16 books for $21? A little slice of heaven right there.
Of course, even thrift store shopping isn’t immune to politics these days…
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And while I didn’t buy that tee shirt, I did buy this one. Because, honestly…. I had to.
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I shall wear it and point at myself the next time my husband disagrees with me. That should go over well.
My girlfriend was in the mood for Cracker Barrel so that’s where we headed for lunch. The restaurant was almost empty but the hostess told us there would still be a 20-25 minute wait to be seated due to short staffing. (I’m seriously tired of waiting for meals… have all the pre Covid waiters and waitresses been abducted by aliens and given the anal probe? If not… please go back to work. River be hungry. )
Since it was raining we chose to wander the store instead of sitting outside on the rocking chairs, and that’s where I saw this:
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For which I have no logical explanation.
But perhaps the biggest surprise of the day?
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Alcohol… at Cracker Barrel!
When did that happen? Granted it’s not a favorite restaurant of mine and I probably haven’t stepped foot in one since my mother passed but it seems like I would have noticed such a momentous event.
Since their beer was dishwater I opted for a mimosa, which was close to dishwater only fizzy… but yes, it was alcohol!
At Cracker Barrel!
The world really has gone mad.
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Lord Dudley Mountcatten saw a chipmunk disappear into the backyard rock wall the other day and was stone cold focused on catching it.
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He paced, he stalked, he cackled, he dove head first into crevices.
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And after half an hour of me standing patiently beside him with the leash?
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He caught a dried up day lily leaf.
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I’m so proud.
🥴
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Have you ever tried this?
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I found it last week and it isn’t half bad. Apparently smashing citrus fruit and mixing it with vodka is a Maryland crab bake tradition.
This next one is all I’m going to say about the travesty happening in Texas. Because common sense is common sense, and if men were the ones who got pregnant? There would be clinics on every street corner.
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Have you ever felt like you just aren’t accomplishing enough?
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There.
I feel better already.
And finally, it’s never too early to start that Christmas knitting.
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I’m sorry, but this ad made me laugh.
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The kissy face emojis are a little over the top, but whatever.
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So much to unpack here.
Exclusive female happiness? Sorry fellas, I think you’re redundant.
An orgasm that can provide 3-5 days to the world? Now that’s an impressive O.
Long standby. Does that means it hovers in the corner waiting until it’s needed again? A bit creepy, but okay.
And finally, We rest 50% today… that baby must provide one heck of a workout.
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Cats are clever creatures. So can someone please explain why Lord Dudley Mountcatten doesn’t get on board with walkies?
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He’s wise to the notion that the appearance of the harness means he gets to go outside….
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But once there?
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Walking is not high on the agenda.
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We have a vast yard for his Lordship to explore with numerous flying and scurrying creatures to meet… but no.
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If we get 20 steps out of him per outing, we consider it a win.
🥴
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I can’t say this with any certainly, but I’m guessing the demise of our cedar tree was woodchuck related.
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It stood in that corner for almost 20years with no issue and then, wham! It was dead. Upon removal we found this…
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A hole, next to the trunk. And on further examination…
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A hump of dirt with a strategically placed pile of poo. On the other side of the hump?
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Another hole, which meant woodchuck tunnel. I figured they must have destroyed the roots of the tree with their digging, but in actuality the tunnel goes under these other bushes that weren’t affected at all.
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So it’s a mystery, but either way? I’m left with an empty space and a stump.
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Because while my husband loves to cut things down with his chainsaw? He could care less about the mess he leaves behind.
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I haven’t clicked on a ball wash or nut sack ad in months. Honest!
So even though turn about is fair play, I was less than thrilled to see these female centric ads pop up on my Facebook feed today.
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I just took a screenshot. No way am I clicking on that.
Or this…
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Is this better than ball hammocks?
I honestly don’t know anymore.
😩
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I’ve been known to pepper my speech with the occasional four letter word… but by far, the worst one to ever cross my lips was diet.
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I was a normal sized child, a small teenager and a slim but curvy young adult. 110 lbs when I married my husband, and though I would positively kill for that figure today? Nature got in the way.
I gained a little weight at 35, but no problem. I hardly noticed it.
I gained a little weight at 40, and okay.. maybe I went up a size (or two).
But then I had a hysterectomy at 52 and gained a whole lotta weight. Being forced into menopause wrecked me and my body was no longer my own. No matter what type of diet or exercise I tried, the weight stayed on.
Next up was Covid lockdown with my husband teleworking and me cooking 24/7, so yeah. Another 10lbs.
And if that wasn’t bad enough? I blew my knee out last October. Damaged my MCL and ended up with a deep root radial meniscal tear… the worst kind. The kind that doesn’t heal. The kind that keeps you off the treadmill and plonks you on the couch. 10 more pounds and I’ve just about lost the will to live. Yoga pants are my friend and my clothes are silently mocking me from the closet.
I’m tired.
Tired of being overweight.
Tired of Covid ruining our travel retirement plans.
Tired of killer knee pain every single day.
Tired of the ugliness in the world.
Tired of the political and cultural divide in this country.
But most of all?
I’m tired of diets.
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So to Hell with it. I’m happily married and don’t need to impress anyone. My health is good despite the ##lbs I’ve put on since I hit 50.
So ya know what…?
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I’m going to eat the cookie.
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Warning:
This might be a little off color for some. ( But damn, I laughed!)
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See?
Off color.
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Admit it. You pictured one too….
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And who can blame her?
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Wow, indeed.
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My male readers are cringing right now.
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I tend to agree. That was an award worthy entry.
And because you know I have to, here are my contributions:
The Wizard of Foreskin. ( Bet Dorothy didn’t see that coming )
The Best Years of Our Foreskin. ( Is there an expiration date? )
Star Wars Episode V – The Foreskin Strikes Back. ( When your light saber is on the fritz )
Snow White and the Seven Foreskins. ( Now there’s a mental image no one needs )
(With apologies to Jimmy Stewart) It’s a Wonderful Foreskin.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Foreskin. ( I’m doubting they see much sunshine )
No Country for Old Foreskin ( We are a youth based society )
All the President’s Foreskin ( I refuse to comment on that one! )
Night of the Living Foreskin ( Nice to see some zombie parts are still operational )
Rebel Without a Foreskin ( Sorry James )
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Foreskin ( Golden ticket my ass )
I’m afraid to say I could go on like that forever. It’s addicting.
But it’s your turn. Please add to the list.
😈
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River's world..... 