Lately, it’s like they’re not even trying.
I know the viral pandemic and toilet paper apocalypse have generally made people lazy, but really.
Even the spammers are phoning it now.
32 spam messages on one post, and they all say the same thing.
Where’s the fun in that!
And for the record?
I have no idea how you can log in, so stop asking.
Have you noticed how everyone is posting their favorite recipes online lately?
Quarantine fever is driving everyone into the kitchen and they just can’t wait to share.
Every time I look I’m inundated with pleas of, “Try this, you’ll love it!” or “Our family’s favorite. You won’t be disappointed!”
In truth, I rarely love it…. and am more often than not disappointed.
Friends are always extolling the virtues of kale, tumeric, tofu and other completely unappealing things…
And after the recipe I saw yesterday?
I realize I simply need new friends.
Yeah.
I’m pretty sure parsnip spice cake won’t be happening in our kitchen any time soon.
I’m speaking of the (oh so helpful) post I did the other day about that most wonderful product…… the butt mask.
I hate to say it, but I’m afraid that bit me in the ass.
You see, right after I posted it? I noticed I had a few new followers:
Not the shoe woman or the wine lover… those are totally understandable.
No, I’m talking about Pistol Pete.
Whose blogs are a little out of my area of expertise.
Am I ready for men’s thong underwear?
No, Pete. I most assuredly am not.
And if Pete wasn’t bad enough? I also picked up his alter ego Daniel Alexander.
I must not know about this.
Really. I mustn’t.
Nothing. There’s no occasion that calls for male G string underwear.
Office party? Nope!
Dinner with friends? Nyet!
Your mother in law’s birthday? Well, maybe….
I’ll throw this one over to my male readers.
What do you say guys… are they comfortable?
In closing, the moral of the story is….
Don’t blog about butt masks.
And say goodbye to Pistol Pete as fast as you can.
You can thank me later.
I was flipping through a magazine the other day and saw this little blurb of a review.
Needless to say, I was perplexed.
Buttne?
Exfoliating ass masks?
Excuse me while I crawl back under my rock where such things don’t exist.
Yes…. it’s a real thing.
And according to the description? Will get your behind ready for prime time.
Here’s a helpful product review.
So if you’re looking for a new beauty regime… or if your posterior just needs a little freshening up?
You know who to thank.
I ran across a catalog for continuing education the other day, and because I used to have a totally ridiculous blog series about this, I had to look.
The series started here back in August of ’18 with a class on Spoonbending.
Shows what you know Junior. There’s a whole class devoted to that spoon.
Yes. An actual college class, I’m not lying.
(Or drinking… go figure.)
So when I saw this current class being offered, it simply begged to be blogged about.
Spoon Carving Level 2
Up your spoon carving skills and build on what was learned
in your previous spoon-carving class. This time around you’ll
carve a deeper serving spoon, as well as practice additional
refining and finishing. Prerequisites: Previous woodworking
experience or Spoon Carving, Beginner. Material fee of $15
included in the price of the course.
Wednesday, beginning Oct. 16, from 6 to 9 p.m. for 3 weeks
Cost: $75
Clearly our college is still obsessed with spoons.
Well, that may be a different class entirely.
“Up your spoon carving skills?”
Who said I had any to begin with.
“Carve a deeper serving spoon?”
Hell, that’s totally worth $75.
And I’m sorry…
But you know there can only be one possible instructor for this class –
Who would invent such a thing?
What would make them think this was a good idea?
And why would anyone ever want to buy it?
Wonder what I’m talking about?
It’s this:
Yes.
You read that correctly.
Brewers in Poland have developed a fermented beer made from the vaginal lactic acid of beautiful women.
Doesn’t that sound yummy?
If you want to read more about it….. here.
The entire idea is as ridiculous as it is disgusting, which is why I had to blog about it.
Because if this crap has to rattle around in my brain?
I need to make sure it rattles around in yours as well.
Here are the last 3 examples I’ll gleefully share with childlike enthusiasm bore you with.
The original…
The re-creation…
I’m going to go out on a limb and say this fellow might have enjoyed the exercise a little too much.
The original….
The re-creation…
Proof positive modern life is lame.
And because this one literally made me snort, I saved it for last.
The original…
The re-creation…
Hope you enjoyed these as much as I did.
Because we all need a little more laughter these days.
A few more clever examples.
American Gothic anyone…?
Madonna and Child.
Well, not quite.
And if modern art is your thing?
Then here….
Best use of Kraft American cheese….. ever.
For the next few afternoons I’m going to be my usual helpful self and give you something to do while you’re quarantining yourself at home like a good viral citizen.
Lately the net has been filled with clever and creative ways to occupy your time…. but I’m going to share one from the Getty Museum that really made me smile.
Since visits to their museum have been cancelled for the near future, they challenged their members to re-create their favorite works of art.
Here are some of my favorites:
The original…
The re-creation….
Kudos to this couple.
I don’t know what the hell he put on his head, but damn.
It works.
The original…
The re-creation….
I’m not sure Dali would approve, but I’ll give them an A for effort.
And finally, here’s one that’s better seen by side.
Brilliant, I tell you!
Simply brilliant.
This short and completely ridiculous post is for James , a new blog friend who recently had a birthday and didn’t receive that one special gift he’d been hoping for.
So because his clueless family let him down?
Happy Birthday James.
The gift you never knew you wanted.
Enjoy.
River's world..... 