Tag Archives: humor

It’s that time again.

 

Woodchucks!

 

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Posing in clover.

 

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Having a healthy snack.

 

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Kissing.

Or biting, who the hell knows? They’re rodents….. for all I know they’re discussing campaign strategy.

 

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They love lettuce.

 

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And since we’ve been flooded with it from our CSA, so have they.

Behold –

 

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My first photo of momma and 4 babies together.

 

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She’s down 2 due to fox predation, so the sextuplets are now quadruplets.

 

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Poor momma.

 

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She’s fiercely protective, but Mother Nature always has the final say.

Like these quick shots I didn’t have time to focus.

 

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Do you suppose that starling called Uber….

 

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And this was what showed up?

Things there are no explanation for.

 

  1.    The grill cover that came with our new grill.

 

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Mind you, it’s custom made for this particular grill so it’s not a matter of fit.

So why on earth would a cover, that’s ostensibly used to protect the metal from the elements, have an opening of netted mesh where the metal controls are located?

Why?

2.    Mexican toilet paper.

 

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I live in Maine, which is as far as you can get from Mexico and still be in the United States….

 

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So why were these the only brands available on the grocery store shelf this week?

Why?

3.    Why is there a squirrel on top of my bicycle in the garage?

 

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If your answer is  “You don’t ride it, so why shouldn’t he?” that’s technically correct, but doesn’t explain how he got in the garage or why he wouldn’t rather use that special car wash broom attachment my husband had to have but never used instead. He had to walk past 2 dirty cars to find the bicycle…. and that’s just rude.

Why?

4.  Why is there coffee all over my kitchen cabinets?

 

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Not the lower cabinets mind you, where I could understand a little spillage…. but the upper. Did Micheal J. Fox sneak in for a cuppa while I wasn’t looking? Was the husband gettin’ jiggy with it while I was in the shower?

I don’t drink coffee, so no. I didn’t catch a glimpse of a bare chested Jason Momoa on the television and have a muscle spasm.

 

images

Photo for reference purposes only.

Really.

And to think it only took me an hour to choose that particular shot. 😈

 

So…. why?

If you can explain any of these unexplainable circumstances, I’d be most grateful.

CSA and grocery store horrors.

 

This week’s offering from our CSA was a little lean on our end because there were a lot of things we don’t eat and elected to let our neighbor take.

 

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Cilantro, bok choi, kale, turnips, spigarello, fennel, and kohlrabi? We passed.

But the chard was rainbow colored…

 

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So there is that.

And in the continuing saga of bizarre grocery items found on my local shelves…..

 

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Every possible mutation of pasta imaginable are still being pushed.

 

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As is the ever present  (and still disgusting)  kale.

Delicious? I doubt it.

Crazy good? Not possible.

Stop the insanity and put kale back where it belongs…. in a rabbit’s colon. Other than the trash can, that’s the only proper place.

 

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Thankfully there was one sane product line of which I took full advantage.

 

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Let the grilling begin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holy crap!

 

Yes.

I’m literally going to talk about crap…. and you’re going to wonder why you ever started following me in the first place.

 

 

Piles of crap have suddenly begun showing up on our front lawn.

 

 

Same spot, by the kitchen door, every morning, totaling 4 piles.

 

 

Sorry, I can’t.

Weird as it sounds, we’ve lived here for 18 years and have never had a dog leave a deposit. Ever!

It’s too big for woodchuck or fox. And it’s not skunk. They leave a trail of small black poo nuggets on the driveway.

We have started seeing raccoons late at night, and they do make the rounds.

 

 

But I’m thinking coyotes might be setting us up as a rural rest stop.

 

 

So if any of my readers are expert scat identifiers?

Now would be the time to weigh in.

*Poop Update –  since writing this the other day.

 

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The count is up to 5 piles, and since it rained…. closer examination of contents was possible.

(Still with me? You really are loyal readers!)

 

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Seeds.

I think we can safely rule out coyote now.

Sometimes I feel like I’m just phoning it in.

 

There’s nothing like the internet to make you feel inadequate.

And while I consider myself a relatively good cook, photos of the latest trend in baking shared by a friend are making me doubt my commitment.

 

 

Because, to be honest….

 

 

This type of magic never occurs in my kitchen.

 

 

I can’t even blame it on not having the time…

 

 

Because that’s something I have plenty of right now.

 

 

So all I can say is …. stop.

 

 

Stop making the rest of us look like slackers.

 

 

Asshole.

Now you’re just showing off.

Randomness.

 

We’ve been busy with other things outside, but I’m still managing to keep Amazon afloat during the pandemic.

 

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And if you’re dying to read the new Hunger Games book? Don’t bother, it was rather disappointing. And while I’d given up on Stephen King… this new collection of short stories has my late BIL in it again, thinly disguised but still recognizable to those who knew him. He and Stephen went to school together.

And no, I won’t tell you which character. I’m evil that way.

 

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The fabulous rose I planted last year has finally decided to bloom.

 

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And it was worth waiting for.

On another note, isn’t it great when your friends get you?

 

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My girlfriend gave me this the other day and damn, it’s perfect!

 

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As is this beauty.

 

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Have you ever tried to photograph butterflies?

It’s not easy. This was the one lucky shot out of 20.

 

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Our raccoon decided to take a bath, dig through my garden bed and then attempted to climb up the garage the other night.

Why? I have no idea.

 

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But even I can’t argue with that.

 

 

Slow and steady wins the race.

 

But it doesn’t get your deck railing project finished any sooner.

We were back at it and it was still hot.

 

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Unfortunately the heat wave coincided with an extended dry spell and our lawn was starting to crunch.

 

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But old railings were torn down.

 

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And rusty nails exposed.

 

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I stained the new wood we had to waste almost 2 hours going to get that morning because someone… I won’t mention who… cut the other pieces incorrectly.

 

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And then that someone  (oops, my bad)  discovered a sander in the barn and wanted to play.

 

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He was fine on the flat surfaces, but scared me to death when he started trying to sand in between. That thing would hit a beam, jump out of his hand and spin wildly across the deck. It happened a dozen times but I could never quite catch it on film.

 

 

In between his legs.

Close to the power cord.

I knew something was gonna give, and it did.

 

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That thing jumped up and sliced his jeans right open. Thankfully he wasn’t hurt, but at that point I said no more sanding!

 

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Which he completely ignored and kept sanding.

 

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After sanding, and almost slicing his leg off?

He hammered nails.

 

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And swept the same portion of deck I had just swept.

Apparently I didn’t do it right.

We did manage to get a few pieces of wood installed before dinner.

With some gentle persuasion.

 

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So this was basically it.

 

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For a whole days work.

Good thing no one is paying us by the hour……

 

 

 

 

Baby squirrel resurgence.

 

They’re baaaaaaack.

Well, at least the babies are.

 

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And they’re making themselves right at home on the deck.

 

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A little too much at home for my liking.

 

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Because they’re trying to get back into the hole they all came tumbling out of last month.

 

 

Cute? Yes.

Respectful house guests? No.

 

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And then the other day, a friend helped me out.

 

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No, it’s not the same picture.

Look in the lower right hand corner….

 

 

Baby woodchuck is finally earning his keep.

Well done sir.

Carry on.

 

 

Because I have too much time on my hands this afternoon.

 

If you have predictive text on your cell phone, grab it and let’s play.

Remember The Princess Bride movie?

No, I don’t either. But apparently there’s a quotable line from the film that goes like this….

 

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So a Facebook friend of mine tagged me to play the 2020 version.

Start texting My name is…..

You killed my….

Prepare to….

And let predictive text do the rest.

 

My results:

My name is not the big barn.  ( seriously, that’s what I got! )

You killed my husband and he didn’t even know.  ( it’s true he’s not very observant, but still. )

Prepare to be a little more than the kale.  ( I seriously hope I’m a lot more than that foul weed. )

Not kidding, that’s what it said.

 

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Apparently my iPhone is freakishly tuned in to my life.

Which if I stopped laughing, might make me a little worried.

 

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