.
Because if I don’t laugh, I’ll scream.
.
.
That looks about right.
This year you’re screwed no matter which way you go.
.
.
Karen.
That slut ruins everything.
.
.
Admit it, we’ve all been there.
.
.
This literally made me snort.
.
.
I’ve been hearing banjo music for a while now…
.
.
That’s a pretty accurate representation of my year. How about you?
.
.
One can only hope.
.
.
You first. I’ll hold your purse….
.
Big is a relative term.
I think my butt is big, but then I look at J Lo and Beyoncé and feel positively svelte.
So in an attempt to answer the title question..
Yes, traffic lights are that big…. which makes your go to excuse of “But I didn’t see that red light officer” a trifle lame.
Moose are this big.
This might surprise people who don’t live in Maine or Alaska, but yes. Hit one with your car and you’ll find out just how freakishly gigantic they really are.
The pyramids?
Yup.
Pretty big.
And to be honest, this picture made me cross climbing to the top of one off my travel bucket list.
And finally, for Masercot. Who has never fully gotten on board the wombat bandwagon.
There’s wombat big.
Big and beautiful.
Yes sir.
They got that right.
As we were leaving the resort for the 12 hour plus drive home, I found this behind a door.
Clearly the previous tenants vacationed in the coat closet and didn’t want to be disturbed.
And yes, you read that correctly. This will be my last blog about the Williamsburg, Virginia vacation.
To think it only took me 60 posts to get here!
So…. it was a grey overcast morning the day we left.
And I have absolutely no idea what this was.
But here’s the Washington Monument….
And the entrance to a tunnel.
Was my husband obeying the speed limit?
No.
He never does, but when you’re riding in a rental Brontosaurus and the lanes get smaller due to construction? My blood pressure ruses when he approaches 100 mph.
I also look out the side window a lot.
Although it’s hard to focus properly at that speed.
Playing with my phone helps…
As does laughing at some slightly painful road names.
Here’s the Delaware Memorial Bridge.
And the toll ticket that cut off our George Washington Bridge exit price on the bottom.
For those of you who have never seen the New York City skyline on an overcast day from the New Jersey Turnpike at 90 mph?
Here you go.
Next up was the George Washington Bridge, where I usually close my eyes and pray to the God of Tequila that I’ll live to see another margarita.
Ironically… as soon as I started filming, the husband slowed down. Which is a good thing since the roads were potholed and in horrible shape.
Traffic was a nightmare.
But it always is.
And every time we pass these massive apartment complexes….
I realize how blessed we are to live in the country.
Was this water blowing off the top of that truck?
No. It was smoke, because something was probably on fire. When we crept up next to it and signaled the driver there was a problem?
He flipped us off.
Ya gotta love New Yorkers.
The rest of the trip was long, traffic laden and uneventful.
We were even too pooped to make our normal pit stop at the tax free New Hampshire liquor store.
Technically I took a few more…. but still.
Why is sitting in car doing absolutely nothing for 13 hours so damn tiring?
Time for an update on the stories making the news on my town’s Facebook page.
Traffic jams are awful, no two ways about it…..
But in my town?
They’re not always bumper to bumper.
And then there was this:
No, damn it! I did not.
We’ve lived here over 17 years and the only moose I’ve seen was a dead one on I-95.
Trotting right down Main Street?
Another missed opportunity.
And finally, there was this:
My first thought was the zombie fish apocalypse had begun… and I started to get a little nervous.
But it turns out a bald eagle was fishing the river, dropped his sturgeon while flying and decided to munch on it in situ.
Because the thought of zombie fish taking over my blog?
Not cool.
You had 2 days off in between trips… and I threw in some Bambi pics as well. Are we good?
Good!
I admit I might have gone a little overboard with the Williamsburg, Virginia vacation photos this time…. like 3,089 pics overboard.
So sue me.
It was a fabulous trip, a marvelous Christmas and a wonderful place to explore. What can I say? When I’m old and feeble I’ll enjoy looking back on them all. (If I can remember why there are so many pictures of rocks…. and who that strange man is of course.)
Time to fasten your seat belts and loosen your pants!
The trip starts now.
Okay… but fair warning, that may not be until June.
Not wanting to put the miles and wear and tear on my car, we rented one. Well, I rented one. A mid size SUV like I always do… but when we arrived at the lot, they didn’t have any and had to upgrade us to luxury.
Cool beans!
We could pick the Audi or the Infiniti.
So what did my husband pick?
The Chevy Suburban.
Which happens to be the biggest, thirstiest, most annoying lumbering behemoth vehicle ever made. A nightmare to park. A horror show for short people like me to board. A useless third row seat we didn’t need and couldn’t figure out how to fold down. Gas stations? We dreaded the mere sight of them after a few days. So why did my spouse choose it?
Because it was big.
And he’s a man.
Enough said.
Our trip from Maine started out like this:
With buckets of the same for the first few states.
When we were nearing Hartford, Connecticut it let up, but we hit road construction….
And this rather precarious way of shoring up of the highway made me cringe.
I guess I should be glad they didn’t use duct tape, but still.
Next up was my least favorite part of the trip….
New York City.
Don’t get me wrong, I was born and raised in New Jersey… I can hang. But riding shotgun with my (leadfooted, 2 centimeters from the car in front of us, switch lanes like it’s the Indy 500) husband…. in the Black Brontosaurus?
Would test Ironman’s nerves.
Though I can honestly say it’s the only time in my life I’m thankful for bumper to bumper traffic.
Reduce speed?
I don’t think that’s possible.
I’d post some great pics of our trip over the famous George Washington bridge, but the husband always takes the upper truck level…. so basically this was my view:
But here’s one peek through the fog.
After the bridge? It’s New Jersey…
And the swamps they built the Meadowlands on.
If you’ve ever wondered where Tony Soprano and his boys dumped the bodies?
It would be here.
Oil refineries aside, you have to admit that the foul, smoggy New Jersey air does make for a dramatic sky.
Onward through the evening we drove, with the husband choosing our route. If you know me…. you know I’m type A and like to plan. Letting him pick a spot for us to spend the night was torture, but I sucked it up and endured.
I endured him picking a random town in Delaware because he liked the name, Red Lion.
Did Red Lion, Delaware have any hotels you ask?
No.
It did not.
And trust me, we drove around for almost an hour trying to find one even though I Googled it and came up empty. We did however find this:
A Christmas extravaganza house that was blocking traffic.
I can barely keep 2 reindeer lit… WTH?
After admitting defeat, the husband drove another 40 minutes to Dover, Delaware and pulled into the first Holiday Inn he saw.
I had my doubts when I saw the lounge was decorated in early bordello. Yes… satin furniture and rhinestone encrusted mirrors.
Thankfully our room was toned down from that…
But it did have some interesting features.
Mainly, the lighting.
Is it me?
Or did this over the bathroom sink fixture look like deer hooves?
Come on…
There’s no reasonable Martha Stewart explanation for that.
And while this corner lamp reminded me of my mother and her pull down hair dryer of the 1960’s…..
It was these over the bed reading lamps that were a little too proctology/gynecology themed for my taste.
And don’t get me started on the art work.
Really, don’t.
What the…. what?
So ends day one.
(And before you start screaming Martin…. road trips with my husband consist of a McDonalds lunch eaten in the car doing 90 mph and a perfectly horrible turkey dinner at a Bob Evans next to the hotel late that night. Neither were photo worthy!)
Day 8 dawned bright and sunny and it was time to pack up and head for home. Of course packing means different things to men and women. It takes me considerable time…. seeing that I actually unpack my suitcases and put things away.
Remember? Me unpacked…
Husband’s idea of unpacked…
Men.
You really are a separate species.
The local turkey brigade came to wish us farewell.
And soon we were crossing the famous Sagamore Bridge and leaving Cape Cod.
It was a wonderful trip, and we enjoyed every minute of it. So much to see and do…. I’m sure we’ll go back someday.
Next step?
Boston.
And it’s horrible, absolutely inescapable, bumper to bumper traffic. If you can avoid it?
By all means, do so.
Cruising into New Hampshire on I-95 means one thing. The New Hampshire State Liquor store…. no tax!
If we drive to our vacation? We stop here on the way back…. you almost have to. It’s like a rite of passage for New Englanders.
Snow.
Lobster.
And tax free booze.
What’s not to love?
My haul this time included a few Game of Thrones inspired Johnnie Walker Christmas presents.
Ho, Ho, Ho!
And here’s a bone I’ll throw to all my food lovers.
Lunch.
At a riverside restaurant.
With an amazing beer selection.
And a list that went on and on and on…
To heck with the food…
I could just happily sit there and drink all day.
But yes, food.
Homemade chicken tenders and side salad for the husband.
And a massive portion of Truffle fries to accompany my chicken Caesar salad wrap.
So there you have it, the November Cape Cod trip.
The end.
Finito.
Done!
While I realize it took me until January 20th to finish this series, as I sit here typing this… I still have over 2 weeks worth of Williamsburg, Virginia Christmas vacation photos to sort through and post. So don’t be surprised if you’re seeing Santa and his reindeer right through April….
You’ve been warned.
No trip south of Maine can escape Boston traffic… and in a word?
Okay, technically that’s 2 words.
But it still sucks.
The Tobin Bridge is attractive…
But directly after that is the Callahan Tunnel, which is not.
Of course my aversion to it may have something to do with the fact that we’re always bumper to bumper in the dark and instead of the posted 40 mph speed limit? The husband is flying through at 80 while darting in and out of traffic trying to get 3 inches ahead of the next car. Driving is a competition dontcha know…
Blah, blah, blah.
Safe trip…. hello Cape Cod!
We stayed at the Sea Mist Resort in Mashpee, Massachusetts which is considered the Upper Cape.
And it was a good base from which we could explore.
Quiet, wooded and off season? It was practically deserted, which is how we like it.
We had a one bedroom townhouse with two bathrooms and a cathedral ceiling.
A nice full kitchen with granite countertops and wood floors.
It was clean, and spacious…
Although when it came to the living room furniture and color scheme?
Yes, it was bland.
But hell… clean, quiet and spacious trumps ugly any day.
Did I mention there were 2 full bathrooms? That’s unusual in a one bedroom timeshare condo and I took full advantage…. giving the husband this smaller one.
It was a little odd having a window in the bedroom that looked out on the living room….
But it made for a nice little reading nook when the husband was knee deep in MSNBC every night.
The bedroom was a good size with a super comfortable, although not king sized, bed.
It also had a full length mirror which earns it an extra star in my book as none of them ever do.
After unpacking, (which looks like this for me…
And this for him…
(Men. How is it possible we’re the same species?) We headed out for a late lunch/early dinner.
Mashpee Commons was nearby and one of the largest shopping centers on the Cape. While attractive and filled with interesting stores and restaurants, it was also a nightmare when it came to parking. We circled and circled… and circled some more until we squeezed into a tiny spot. Christ! It was the dead season of November, I can’t imagine what it would be like in the summer.
We landed at Bobby Byrne’s pub…
Where I got in the Cape Cod spirit with a cranberry and grapefruit cocktail. (Or two)
When you’re in the Cape, it’s all about the cranberry.
I wanted the huge gigantic pretzel, because seriously… it was huge.
But went with the grilled chicken quesadillas and sriracha crema instead.
Damn! They were good.
Husband had his usual French Onion soup which I swear… contained at least a pound of cheese.
Then we shared a chicken broccoli alfredo.
Which was delightfully rich and garlicky.
Did I mention the beer was extremely cold?
Literally, ice cold.
(Are you food picture screamers satisfied? Day 1 and you got multiple food photos. You’re welcome… now be quiet.)
Bellies full, we grocery shopped to stock the kitchen…. and then called it a night.
One more picture…
Because skylights in the living room require an after dark selfie….
Because sometimes I want to share, and they just don’t rate a blog of their own.
A few shots of my local area.
I’m blessed to live in such a beautiful state.
Top that for sunrise color. I dare ya!
As you’ve probably guessed by now, when we travel…. I take a lot of pictures. The husband is quite patient with me and usually pulls over when I point out the window, squeee! and yell pull over. He never wants to photograph anything, so I had to laugh a few weeks ago when he stopped along side something and asked me to take a picture of it for him.
I did….
And am seriously hoping it doesn’t end up in our barn in the near future.
This is not what you want to be following during a traffic jam on Route 1. I saw pink hippos in my dreams for many nights after that.
And finally…
Me.
No makeup, just a smile…. and the realization that laying out in the sun this past summer has bleached my hair to the point where I now have dark roots without ever having dyed it.
What the Hell?
I do.
And I have the shirt to prove it.
People often say I’m a font of useless knowledge…
(Okay it’s just my husband who says that, and it’s usually to keep me from talking during John Wayne movies) But I do rock at Trivial Pursuit and no one will play with me anymore. So that means I’m going to have to share the ridiculous tidbits that fill my head my fun facts here.
With you.
On a regular basis.
Shall we begin?
That’s the spirit.
#1. The first toilet ever seen on television was on Leave It To Beaver.
Why do I know this?
I don’t know… I just do.
Another?
#2. Dr. Seuss pronounced his name so it rhymed with rejoice.
Dr. Soice? Say it isn’t so!
But it is.
You’re welcome.
#3. A leech has 32 brains.
32 brains?
That seems like serious overkill, seeing that most government officials can’t find their first.
#4. The world’s widest road is the Monumental Axis in Brazil where 160 cars can drive side by side.
Yeah.
And you know that guy in the far left lane is still going to try and take that right hand exit 100 feet before the ramp.
#5. Three Mile Island is only 2.5 miles long.
Clearly a man named it, as they all measure 6 inches incorrectly.
I think this goes without saying.
