It’s a large thing.
And I have no idea how the thing got here.
I didn’t plant the thing, but maybe a woodchuck did.
The thing has started to lean…
And bloom.
Does anyone know what this thing is?
Tag Archives: question
I have a question.
So if someone could tell me what this is?
That would be great.
Because I was out shopping with a girlfriend a month ago and found something on the ladies clearance rack I can’t explain.
Let’s ignore the fact it’s butt ugly.
And there’s a random patch of black lace on a sweatshirt.
Let’s also ignore the clashing colors of the plastic gewgaws on the breast.
What. The. Utter. F*ck?
Is there a group of low limbed mutant women roaming my state?
Or maybe they have 4 arms….. and can’t decide if they want to go sleeveless.
Either way, I can’t begin to fathom how anyone else would be able to wear this monstrosity.
Time to fess up….
Which one of you boneheads is peeing in my birdbath every night?
Because this is getting old.
Every afternoon I clean out the birdbath.
Filling it with sparkling clean, cool water for our birds to drink and take a bath.
And then every morning I wake up to this:
Every single morning.
So…
Fun’s over. Admit your crime.
The midnight madness must stop.
Name That Crap #2
My first attempt at stumping WordPress readers with the husband’s crap failed miserably.
Clearly, you lot know your crap.
No, it’s really not.
But let’s try again anyway.
It stands approximately two feet tall and is made of wood and metal.
What it is?
Yes, it is.
But I’ll need you to be more specific….
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Well, keep dreaming…
Today’s not the day.
It’s an age old question and I thought why not enlist a few famous people to help us with the answer.
So why did the chicken cross the road?
OPRAH says: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
Fair enough.
Let’s hope it’s a Mercedes, because they had the best car commercial… ever!
Watch it. I dare you not to smile…
SARAH PALIN says: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!
DR SEUSS says: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
True, but a little morbid.
BILL CLINTON says: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
Okay, okay. We get it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY says: To die in the rain, alone.
Well, damn.
That’s depressing.
DONALD TRUMP says: We should build a wall so the chicken can’t cross the road.
Nice hair.
AL GORE says: I invented the chicken…. and the road.
Yeah…
Thanks for that.
ALBERT EINSTEIN says: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
And finally –
ARISTOTLE says: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
So there you have it.
And because I don’t want to break the trend of inserting a GOT reference into every single one of my posts till the final season is over….
A Game of Thrones chicken.
Epic!
Drive by likings….
I love to blog.
(I like to think so… but in reality? No.)
I love to read other people’s blogs.
(That looks more like an ostrich egg, but who am I to turn down free food?)
I love to comment on other people’s blogs and have them comment on mine.
(Yes…. Yes I can.)
For me, it’s all about connecting. And I’ve been doing it for over 14 years.
Finding a small tribe of like minded weirdos is comforting, and I enjoy it.
So while I’m relatively new here, and I realize WordPress is a large site with scores of people who try to profit from, or make a living out of it…. I’m constantly dumbfounded by the amount of shadow bloggers who inhabit this space.
They like my post, sometimes they follow me…. when I know damn well they’ve never read a single word I’ve written.
Do they even exist?
Example.
This person (?) has 418 followers…
And 85 likes on a post that isn’t even a post.
WTH?
How can you like something that doesn’t exist?
(Okay, never mind… that’s fabulous.)
But please tell me what the point is here, because I’m confused.
Drive by likings.
Shadow followers.
Why?
Is this a thing?
Every once in a while I go shopping, see something…
And say whaaaaat?
Like this strange product I spotted at T.J.Maxx.
Ear candles.
Do they set the mood for the intimate dinner parties I hold inside my head?
Or is it a new way to light someone’s cigarette?
WTH?
Naturally relaxing?
Which part?
When the hot wax drips onto my face and burns away my eyebrows…
Or when the flame catches my hairspray on fire and I spontaneously combust?
I posted this ridiculous product on my FB page and immediately had 2 friends commented that they’d tried it.
(Note to self – re-examine criteria for picking friends)
One said she had it done at a spa. (Pay money for someone to light a candle and stick it in my ear? Not happening.)
The other said it has health benefits and it removed his ear wax. ( I researched this and there is no medical evidence to support the claim)
(It should also be noted this guy smokes a little weed)
(Okay, a lot of weed.)
This is how it supposedly works.
“… patient might hear sizzling noise” ?
Yeah.
That’s either the sound of your brain frying….. or P.T. Barnum’s ghost dancing a jig in your ear canal.
I’m all for alternate remedies that don’t line the pocket of big pharma, but sorry.
The only way a flame is getting that near my face is if someone lights my Sambuca.
I’m baaaaaaack!
And you all are in trouble.
Or you could be… because besides being exhausted and buried in dirty laundry, I’m buried in vacation photos. And that means you could soon be buried in vacation photos.
So my question is this: would you prefer –
#1. To be fully immersed in my normal day to day, minutia filled, travel posts? (Including restaurants, food, cocktails in the pysch ward, funny road signs, elk poop, a cowboy with 2 hats, the lizard meet and greet, 59 whirlpool tub reflections, death spoon art, the mouse warrior, an amethyst penis, frozen fog, vicious Grand Canyon squirrels, etc.)
Or
#2. Just the highlights. (Scenic photos, a few videos and get over yourself River… no one really cares how you spent the last 2 weeks.)
Your choice.
A serious question.
Do you really and truly ever know anyone?
Recent events have caused me to question this.
Example #1 – A very old friend of ours from the Marine Corps days. A country boy from North Carolina, married his high school sweetheart, 2 beautiful kids, gorgeous farm house, a Christian conservative, loved his momma etc. etc…. Five years ago he dumped them all, moved to D.C. and married a ballsy independent career woman. Bought a large boat, got a high paying new job in financial management… and said he was living the dream. We were shocked. Two weeks ago? He dumped wife #2 and moved on to wife #3, who is younger, blonder and richer. Turns out wife #2 had bailed him out of bankruptcy twice and refused to do it again. He’s turned his back on his kids, doesn’t speak with his family, is head over heels in debt, and has a whole new set of high income drinking friends. I seriously don’t know who this man is. And now I wonder if I ever did. ( And oh, btw? His current job? The Federal Government’s office of financial management. Yay for all of us. )
Example #2 – I recently reconnected with an old friend from my teenage days. She’s been happily married for 25 years to a guy’s guy. Flannel shirts and boots, antique auto restorer, always in the garage under an engine. A real grease monkey gear head. In late September he called her into the living room and said he had something to tell her. When she walked in, he was wearing her short black dress, her high heels and way too much of her makeup. He told her he was transitioning into a woman and wanted her to stay in the marriage as a lesbian. She had absolutely no clue! None! And to add insult to injury? The homebody husband who never wanted to go out to dinner, who never touched alcohol, who never took a vacation trip and who hadn’t left the state in 15 years… is out clubbing, dancing, drinking and going away for weekend holidays.
Seriously…
Do we ever really and truly know anyone?
River's world..... 