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Have you heard of the Bad Betty greeting card company?
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Her line of cards is about as far from Hallmark as you can get.
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And I don’t know about you…
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But I can think of quite a few friends I would send these to.
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Damn Betty, that’s cold.
🤣
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Warning:
This book will be not be for everyone. Graphic (and often sarcastic) excerpts dealing with human sexuality will follow. Nothing is off limits. If that’s not your cup of tea, there’s no shame in bowing out now and exiting stage left. But if you stay and are insulted by the content? Kindly keep your moral outrage to yourself… I did warn you.
Still here?
Then buckle up and let’s begin.
The first thing that struck me while reading this book was how many people have actively researched sex. Scientifically, psychologically and oddly enough physically. Masters and Johnson were among the most famous….
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Of course he did.
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If you’re still here, I warn you that’s far from the weirdest thing you’ll read in this series.
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Pyrex butt plugs. You’ll never look at your casserole dish the same way again, I know.
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Corn dogs are forever dead to me now. Not a huge loss in my culinary catalog, but still.
🤣
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Feeling the need to undermine democracy? I’ve got just the thing.
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Fabricate your very own conspiracy theory while scrambling the morning eggs.
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And if it keeps you from spreading more insane crap on the internet?
All the better. Because I’m really tired of the crazy.
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Enjoy!
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I have to say this was the weirdest book I’ve ever read.
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I don’t know what possessed me to pick up a book about corpses off the library’s fundraising sale table, but I’m glad I did.
It was quite…. educational.
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Dead people can fart.
You heard it here first.
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I don’t think it’s a stretch to say I immediately related to this author. She and I are basically twins. Sarcastic, and semi alcoholic.
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There you go, men.
A little something to look forward to after you’re gone.
On second thought… little might be the wrong word.
🤣
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Sometimes Facebook gets it right.
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Like this store… that seems to be targeted to my sense of humor.
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Not always, but maybe. Alright… more than likely it is.
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Sounds like something I would do.
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I have an abundant supply, no problem.
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I’m definitely not. Remind me to tell you the story about my husband’s friend who called him at work to tell him to ‘get his wife under control’. Ha! As if.
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That’s me.
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Someday I’m going to have to buy one of these. It’s my favorite tag line and I’ve been searching for cocktail napkins with that phrase ever since we built the man cave bar…. to no avail.
😰
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This store has my name written all over it.
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My husband would tell you we don’t need any more sarcasm here, but I beg to differ.
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And maybe that’s what was wrong with this month…. I didn’t make it my bitch.
Snow, rain, freeze, ice, melt, repeat.
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And by repeat…. I mean I keep repeating fix the damn gutter! to my husband so I don’t have to listen to this all day long.
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And in case you’re wondering what kind of weather we have in Maine?
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That sums it up nicely.
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Just in time for Christmas … I bring you the perfect stocking stuffers.
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That one’s bound to fill up in no time.
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I am so buying this for my husband.
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Who in their right mind would want written proof of that?
Pass.
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I may need 3 or 4 of these.
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If you have an extra world take over plan kicking around, feel free to share. Mine are usually hatched after a pitcher of margaritas and tend to be less strategically sound when read sober.
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No comment.
Hard pass.
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Reason? When have I ever needed one of those…
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*Disclaimer – this post was written before the virus shut everything down*
A short time ago I wrote about the subtle hints that let you know you may be spending too much time at your local pub.
I’m afraid it’s ratcheted up considerably since then.
Let me preface this by saying it has been pointed out to me that sometimes.… I can be a little hard to take.
I know.
It’s shocking, but true.
So when I was being my usual charming self one afternoon in the recent past?
This:
A spoon figurine with his fork finger in the air was placed in front of me….
With a straw prominently placed so I couldn’t miss the message.
This leads me to believe the bartender/owner has become entirely too comfortable with yours truly.
Subtle hints.
It’s all about the subtle hints.
And just think…
I pay for this abuse!
Every once in a while I go shopping, see something…
And say whaaaaat?
Like this strange product I spotted at T.J.Maxx.
Ear candles.
Do they set the mood for the intimate dinner parties I hold inside my head?
Or is it a new way to light someone’s cigarette?
WTH?
Naturally relaxing?
Which part?
When the hot wax drips onto my face and burns away my eyebrows…
Or when the flame catches my hairspray on fire and I spontaneously combust?
I posted this ridiculous product on my FB page and immediately had 2 friends commented that they’d tried it.
(Note to self – re-examine criteria for picking friends)
One said she had it done at a spa. (Pay money for someone to light a candle and stick it in my ear? Not happening.)
The other said it has health benefits and it removed his ear wax. ( I researched this and there is no medical evidence to support the claim)
(It should also be noted this guy smokes a little weed)
(Okay, a lot of weed.)
This is how it supposedly works.
“… patient might hear sizzling noise” ?
Yeah.
That’s either the sound of your brain frying….. or P.T. Barnum’s ghost dancing a jig in your ear canal.
I’m all for alternate remedies that don’t line the pocket of big pharma, but sorry.
The only way a flame is getting that near my face is if someone lights my Sambuca.
I have to admit, WordPress’s spam catcher is pretty effective.
Although, come on….
They could have let that through.
So it never ceases to amaze me how many people and companies keep trying. I mean, yes… practice makes perfect. And kudos to them for their tenacity, but today I had 33 spam messages trapped.
33.
6 of them from the pretty guinea pig.
Buy Amoxil 500mg Amoxicillin http://theprettyguineapig.com/amoxicillin/
Who clearly thinks I need an antibiotic.
Damn…
That’s a disturbing thought.
Then there’s this cryptic example.
Research – good research is significant to buying
a reliable dress. With the drive comes the need of creation. It is unachievable
to “make” others happy, in but the. That is, as long as you follow that will. http://pro-social.ru/bitrix/redirect.php?event1=&event2=&event3=&goto=http://aidanharris.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php%3Fd=cuci.today
While I agree buying the right dress may require a little extra effort…
They lost me with “It is unachievable
to “make” others happy, in but the. That is, as long as you follow that will.”
Maybe making others happy in the but is achievable.
Don’t scoff, everyone needs a life goal.
I was a little disappointed to see this flagged as Spam –
Your site has exceptional content. I bookmarked the site
Because hey –
This one surprised me –
It is often a fast-paced, high-risk trading option that potentially
gives substantial returns. This mentality will
absolutely move you killed.
Taylor Swift wants to kill me if I move?
Yeah, well… bite me Taylor.
You can’t keep a boyfriend and I’ve been married 35 years. Hope your Grammys keep you warm at night.
Then there are the never ending, non stop online casino ads.
These spammers are dedicated. Once they find you? They don’t let go…. but that’s okay. Because yes, they do make me laugh.
Texas hold em poker has slip on huge around turmoil.
Texas has huge slip ons?
That’s just wrong.
“…this is nonetheless not preferable to gamble by having an above exhausted head.”
Agreed.
I hate having an above exhausted head.
..”When asked for advice, the nice I could offer was for him to continue
playing Gin using wife.”
I’m no marriage expert, but the only type of gin I want my husband to be playing with is this:
And finally…
…“Did the enemy team get Baron due to the fact nobody on the own group warded this?
Did an enemy stroll into five of yourself and pass on? Every tiny mistake needs for famous to create certain you can study.
To fail to Do that a lot of.”
Yes, the enemy team got Baron Trump, because really… who wants to deal with that dad on the sidelines?
I don’t remember the enemy strolling in and passing on. Let me ask my 4 other personalities and get back to you.
But…. help me out here. What does every tiny mistake need?
Even I can’t unpack that one.
River's world..... 
20 hours ago·