He tried.

October 2, 2020 Rivergirl 21 Comments

Yes, he tried… and I’m going to give him points for that.

The other day during the miraculous (and possibly orchestrated by aliens) garage clean out…. the husband tried to sell some tires.

No, he didn’t put a price on the sign.

And bless his heart, the pile got bigger as the day wore on because he kept finding more tires.

He even went out and artfully arranged all the mismatched, unwanted, never fit any vehicle we owned, tires.

But alas, at the end of the day….

They ended up in our cellar… where they’ll probably die a slow death because no one else wants our unwanted tires either.

But damn it, he tried.

And I appreciate the effort.

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I rarely post in real time….

October 1, 2020 Rivergirl 33 Comments

But I’m in pain and quite cranky, so here goes.

Remember a while back I stained our back deck on my hands and knees? I do it every few years but this time it caught up with me. Thank you (not so) old age, you suck the big root.

My knee had been stiff and sore for the last month but I’m tougher than I look and just went about my business.

Bad move. Very, very bad.

Yesterday I stepped off my kitchen porch and something snapped. Like a rubber band… and yes, I screamed. Did I mention we had a big storm the night before and had been without power for 10 hours by then?

Good times.

I hobbled back in the house and iced it down but holy hell it hurt. I couldn’t walk, couldn’t bend, couldn’t put any weight on it whatsoever. Spent a very uncomfortable and sleepless night, then woke up looking something like this:

I didn’t dare attempt a shower, so I limped to the doctors office this morning with my radical bed head and frightened a few staff members along the way.

Hey, ya gotta take your jollies where you can.

Turns out the doctor they assigned me wasn’t really a doctor just a nurse practitioner. And when he put me on the table to start pulling and tugging my leg in different directions? I was ready to cram his stethoscope where the sun don’t shine.

After the exam and manipulation I was almost in tears. Which is when he told me to go across town for xrays and an appointment with an orthopedist because oh, by the way… he had no earthly idea what was wrong with me. As I made my way back to the waiting room… with the speed of a 200 year tortoise… I discovered my husband had decided now would be a good time to request his flu shot.

Which we waited a good half hour for.

So.. by the time I got across town, had xrays and was ready for my orthopedist appt? We found out the orthopedist leaves at noon.

It was 12:05…. and I was not a happy camper.

Long story long, I have an appointment tomorrow morning at 8:00am and they think I either tore a ligament or ripped a tendon. Either way, it’s not good.

And oh yes, my devoted spouse who took the day off from work to care for me? He’s at our local pub having a late lunch. Me? I had to make my own.

Ain’t love grand?

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I love my town.

September 29, 2020 Rivergirl 15 Comments

And what passes for local news on their Facebook page.

No, I don’t know what’s happening either. But turtles are involved so it must be good.

Goat shooing happens more often than you think here.

Now this is news!

While we do live in Maine, moose are more commonly seen up north. Having one stroll our river is a sure way to fire up the locals.

This is another type of wildlife sighting altogether. A traveling donkey who spends a few nights on your lawn by request. Made by a local artist, his name is Mr. H.

Goats are still on the loose.

Clearly their walkabout is causing concern.

But in happier news, the slandering chicken is back home on the drivay.

Perhaps if her owner learned how to spell she’d stay home more often.

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Lady in red?

September 29, 2020 Rivergirl 19 Comments

Not quite.

But the first coat of red stain is on the big barn and it looks beautiful to me.

I’m not sure the husband’s thrill factor is quite as high as mine… but he keeps saying “It looks different.” so I’ll take that as a win.

Different.

Well, yes.

That was the point!

And I think baby barn approves….

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Beauty products I probably need, but won’t buy.

September 28, 2020 Rivergirl 25 Comments

This first one makes me laugh because I’ve been saying it for years.

Don’t waste your money on expensive wrinkle creams ladies… just get some spackle and a putty knife to fill in those cracks.

See?

Same idea… different packaging.

Bad pun aside, if I want to slather egg white on my face? I’ll wait until it’s time to bake blueberry coffee cake again.

No plastic egg required.

This has always baffled me.

It’s ACID…. and peels off a layer of your skin to boost that brightness. Vegan?

Well no shit.

How many cows do you know who are filled with acid?

Silicone mask brush?

Looks like another putty knife to me.

Finally, there’s lip lifter.

Lip lifter.

For Christ’s sake. I have boob lifting bras and butt lifting panties …. now you want me to lift my lips?

I give up.

Gravity, do what you will. As long as I can still lift the martini glass?

I’m good.

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It’s not just for furniture anymore.

September 28, 2020 Rivergirl 32 Comments

My girlfriend was in the market for furniture and asked me to go with her to the new Jordan’s that opened at the Maine Mall.

Holy mackerel Batman!

Clearly it’s been a long time since I shopped for a sofa, because this was a totally immersive experience.

Yes, that picture is of the one store… not the mall itself. Huge doesn’t begin to describe it. We walked and walked and walked and thought we’d never find the end.

Some of the furniture was…

Different.

Let’s go with that.

Wait…

What?

Is this the hamster night light option?

Or disco lighting for when your urge to do the Hustle is too strong to ignore?

Either way, I’ll pass.

The home office section had a few quirky pieces as well.

They were actually selling these vintage typewriters.

Price? $450.

And yes, I’ll be checking the husband’s barn for one as soon as I’m done posting.

So it was an interesting place. But the weirdest thing of all?

This:

Yes.

It’s been long time since I went furniture shopping.

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I’m seeing red.

September 27, 2020 Rivergirl 18 Comments

No, the husband hasn’t bought the contents of that abandoned Victorian up the road….

I mean this kind of red.

Weeee!

Our first glimpse of what poppa barn will look like when finished.

The trim will be added after.

And there’s a lot of it to add.

But I’m excited to see him finally sporting some color.

I think baby barn agrees.

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Was this really necessary?

September 26, 2020 Rivergirl 24 Comments

We have a family of skunks who visit nightly to snack on fallen seed and the food I put out for the fox. I rarely get pictures of them because I can’t shoot through the window when it’s dark. And yes…. I could go outside, but startling a group of skunks and being the recipient of their liquid wrath simply isn’t worth bathing in tomato juice. Even for you.