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While I’m all for pampering and spoiling our pets..
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No.
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Just, no.
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Bowzer’s manicure should not look better than mine… and look, even the dog hates it.
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I want to know who looked at their cat’s ass one afternoon and thought, ” Hey, that will make a great coloring book”.
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Mr. Whiskers is not amused.
And lastly, proof positive more isn’t always good… it’s just more.
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Hell, I think I’m slipping into diabetic coma just looking at that.
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For blog fodder research purposes if nothing else.
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I’m guessing they meant to say bad mood, but either way …. a screaming goat seems like the perfect companion to ride out the rest of this abominable year.
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A book of delightful goat facts? Perfect.
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Screaming goat placement is everything.
And hey, when you already have a flying poop drone…. a screaming goat doesn’t even raise eyebrows.
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The other product I might have to buy?
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A carbonated bubbling face mask?
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Show of hands…. how many people want to see that selfie?
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With my husband, yes… of course.
But also with these:
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Gorgeous little masterpieces made with leaves,twigs, blooms and berries.
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Called land art…
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Because as soon as the wind blows?
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They’re gone.
…………………………………………..
Each of Bullen-Ryner’s pieces comprises locally sourced and foraged materials. Nothing is glued or tethered, which means her work might only last a few minutes before parts begin to fly away with the breeze. So, why does she choose to work this way? “People often ask me why don’t I make something more permanent or they say it’s such a shame that it’s temporary,” Buller-Ryner shares. “But for me, it is the ephemeral nature of what I do that has become like therapy for my soul. I get to put down all my anxieties, my fears, all the chaos from my brain and turn it into something beautiful to honor Mother Nature. I take some photos and then walk or cycle away, leaving it all behind and feeling calmer, more connected, and truly lighter.
…………………………………………..
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Such beautiful little treasures.
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Yes.
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I’m definitely in love.
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Admit it….
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You are too!
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But I know you do.
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Admit it, we’ve all wanted to feel a little warmer and cheesier this year.
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This gives a whole new meaning to the word shortcake.
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Skin as soft and supple as a nice juicy brain? What woman doesn’t dream of that!
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I have to admit this one might have validity. We live next to a horse farm and see our fair share of flies. A real life arcade game with salt bullets… hmm.
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This first one makes me laugh because I’ve been saying it for years.
Don’t waste your money on expensive wrinkle creams ladies… just get some spackle and a putty knife to fill in those cracks.
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See?
Same idea… different packaging.
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Bad pun aside, if I want to slather egg white on my face? I’ll wait until it’s time to bake blueberry coffee cake again.
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No plastic egg required.
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This has always baffled me.
It’s ACID…. and peels off a layer of your skin to boost that brightness. Vegan?
Well no shit.
How many cows do you know who are filled with acid?
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Silicone mask brush?
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Looks like another putty knife to me.
Finally, there’s lip lifter.
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Lip lifter.
For Christ’s sake. I have boob lifting bras and butt lifting panties …. now you want me to lift my lips?
I give up.
Gravity, do what you will. As long as I can still lift the martini glass?
I’m good.
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As you know, I am not a 25 year old single woman…. (Please refrain from commenting if you value our friendship) so it’s been a while since I leafed through a Cosmopolitan magazine. But for some reason a girlfriend gifted me a subscription, and I felt I needed to honor the gesture.
Hmm.
My hair removal routine is neither adventurous nor worth writing about, and as for the scale….. I’m afraid my hairless cat level will have to remain a mystery. I like my readers, but not that much.
And how do they know walking burrito wasn’t the look I was going for?
Fashion is personal…. and I happen to have the perfect black bean earrings to match, so there!
The selfie wasn’t around when I was young and single, so this may be a day late and a dollar short… but here goes.
Okay, so maybe I need a little more practice.
What kind of noodle am I?
Yes…. I’m beginning to remember why I stopped reading Cosmo in the first place.
(In case you’re wondering? Rigatoni baby.)
I found this issue to be so utterly ridiculous, I may have to make it a monthly series. And if you’re groaning now?
Just be thankful I didn’t share all the articles today.
Yes, it’s clearly been a while since I read single women’s magazines.
Of course some days are better than others.
But rainbow days?
Are simply the best.
But I really need something blooming in my life right now so I masked up and headed to a local nursery down the road for the other kind of flower.
No make up, no manicure and wearing a sweatshirt.
The Corona lock down has definitely put a nail in the coffin of my beauty regime.
Please note the mask is color coordinated though.
I’m not a heathen FFS.
Came home with a car load full of pansies, begonias, geraniums, mallow and a container of pretty I don’t know what.
This will be a good start… but no where near enough to fill my beds.
They’re everywhere.. including here.
And while I like a nice manicure as much as the next girl?
I don’t think I’m quite ready to share Mr. Ed’s beauty routine.
This next product confuses me.
If my ears are cold….
Why am I sweating? And if I’m sweating….
Why are my ears cold? This makes no sense.
Third on the list –
This bothers me for two reasons.
First, the name. I mean really…. there’s only one thing I think of when I hear the word tinkle, and an eyebrow razor isn’t even close.
Second… why are sharp instruments being packaged in cutsie pastel colors with a cartoon bound to attract children?
Little Susie doesn’t want a teddy bear…. give her something to slash her wrists with instead. It’s pink!
Again with the lazy ass people products.
Because yes, cell phones really are too heavy.
Finally, there’s a product I didn’t even know I needed.
My pillowcase is giving me pimples!
When the hell did that start?
You can thank me later.
I was flipping through a magazine the other day and saw this little blurb of a review.
Needless to say, I was perplexed.
Buttne?
Exfoliating ass masks?
Excuse me while I crawl back under my rock where such things don’t exist.
Yes…. it’s a real thing.
And according to the description? Will get your behind ready for prime time.
Here’s a helpful product review.
So if you’re looking for a new beauty regime… or if your posterior just needs a little freshening up?
You know who to thank.
River's world..... 