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No, I’m not kidding. And yes, I wish I was.
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Because even though I don’t enjoy elbow deep scrubbing in the commode, I’m not sure I want it roboticized either.
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Electrolyzed water? Why am I having visions of Victor Frankenstein…
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And while I’d love to be delighted by my bathroom… I seriously doubt sitting fully clothed in the tub blowing bubbles would be high on my list.
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There’s a new product shortage right around the corner.
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Yes, it’s true.
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So if you’re hard up for cash? Start digging through your car’s glove compartment for the ketchup you threw in there during your road trip to see the world’s largest ball of twine back in ‘04. That stuff is gold!
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Because the price gouging has begun.
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In reality I guess it makes a perverse type of sense.
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20 packets for $50 doesn’t seem like a bargain to me.
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But in a few months, maybe it will be.
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I love fruit! I love it on my plate, I love it in my drinks and now I’m hoping to love it on my face.
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Enter some highly recommended moisturizer.
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Have you noticed this new trend in packaging? Cute little welcome notes whenever you open a box. Sorry folks, but I’m neither glowing nor part of your gang. (I’m currently picturing juvenile delinquent bananas with their peels undone standing on a street corner, smoking a cigarette and snarling at passers by.)
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Banana soufflé for your face, how bad could it be? They want you to add pineapple serum if you’re looking dull. Heck… if you add a little rum, my skin will perk right up. Guaranteed!
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I admit I was a tad disappointed with the minuscule size of this product. I mean come on, it’s made from bananas. It’s not like they’re rare.
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Vegan and cruelty free is great, but stating you’re free of sulfates and silicons on top of a list of chemicals I can barely pronounce doesn’t exactly scream natural.
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Remember the extra high sided cat box I ordered for Dudley to stop him from scattering litter on the floor?
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Yeah.
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I had two full days of no mess before he showed me exactly what he thought of that. So the battle continues…
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And I’ve been assured this new product I ordered will solve the problem.
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Well, that cat certainly looks happy.
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And heck, if Dudley will start scooping his own poop? It’s money well spent.
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Although the featured feline family is looking a tad too Stepford Wives for my peace of mind. Stay tuned….
* gulp *
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The crazy cat lady Facebook algorithm is in full swing.
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Does my furniture require cat feet stockings?
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It most definitely does not.
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That goes the same for my feet….
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And my lips.
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Cat ear beret? Okay, I admit I could almost see myself wearing that.
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Is it me, or does this cat look like he’s plotting his owner’s slow and painful dismemberment?
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Unisex? On what planet….
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But there.
At least they got something right.
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Turnabout is fair play, right?
So after all those awful Ball Wash ads I kept getting I suppose this was inevitable.
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A pain free ride?
I’m not sure whether to be relieved…
Or scared.
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I can honestly say I’ve never felt so utterly appreciated for purchasing a product before this package arrived yesterday.
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The box told me I was helping hungry children.
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And that I was awesome.
I already knew this, but positive reinforcement never hurts.
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The inner paperwork thanked me.
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And told me again how awesome I was.
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It went on to explain that my one little bottle of ground rosemary (because the husband refuses to eat fresh… it’s too prickly. 🙄) fed one needy child.
I hope it’s true.
I’m choosing to believe it’s true, because if it’s not… I’d have to reconsider my awesomeness, and that’s not happening.
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The rosemary was quite good so I may order from them again.
But I seriously doubt it will be this…
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Tofu.
Smells like sweaty feet… and tastes even worse.
🤢
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A list of gifts to give your friends. If you don’t ever want them to speak to you again that is….
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Repeat after me, ” I will not buy River a dog’s ass pillow for her birthday or Christmas. Not now. Not ever. ”
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Seriously? Like I don’t have enough guilt reaching for those two extra slices of cheese as it is.
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Why.
Why in the world would anyone want to walk around in a baguette? I’ve been to France and had them fresh from the boulangerie. They are made to sop up sauce, be covered in jam or smothered in cheese… not your nasty foot funk.
That’s a hard no from me.
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I saw a list of things you should buy your significant other to show how much you love them yesterday. And while none of these products fit that bill…. they did make me chuckle at the thought of owning them and putting them in the barn bar.
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Come on, you know that will come in handy someday.
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Bar mascot? It could be.
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Maybe if I get the husband one of these he can practice on pizza for his next remodel project. Eating those mistakes will be a lot more enjoyable than staring at his construction errors for the next 20 years.
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Why?
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Why does Facebook think I need a product from a company called Turdcules?
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I understand algorithms, but I swear I’ve never posted anything about steamy butt nuggets.
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The Throne Room newsletter?
Please, no.
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River's world..... 