Tag Archives: humor

Well, he thought he was done.

June 24, 2020 Rivergirl 27 Comments

The baby barn.

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Now that we’d finished the h~~oly crap did it really take that long~~ construction and paint, it was time for me to begin the beautification process. This meant doing something with the empty flower bed and border.

The ground has always been uneven there… and when I mulched, it tended to wash downhill. So I gathered up a bunch of the old weathered bricks I love and started stacking.

While the husband was watching.

Best.

Idea.

Ever.

Before I knew it?

He was on his hands and knees telling me I was doing it wrong.

And while I normally don’t react well to that statement… if it means someone will step in and do all the work? I can swallow my pride.

In no time flat it was being done properly.

As he gleefully pointed out how my eyeballed straight line wasn’t so straight.

Look at him with his little level.

Isn’t that special?

I damn near burst out laughing when he started trimming the bush with a pair of scissors.

Who is this man, and what have you done with my husband?

Be still my heart.

He actually dipped into his sacred pile of dirt that’s been behind the baby barn since we built the big barn years ago and… look!

He even spread it.

I don’t mind telling you the rare sight of my husband gardening was positively orgasmic.

While he loves to mow the lawn and chop down trees…. anything resembling planting, weeding, mulching, bordering… aka gardening?

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It was a miraculous sight.

Unfortunately it used up a lot more material than I had, so I sent out an SOS for additional bricks.

Next door neighbor to the rescue.

They have a lovely old farmhouse with a huge 3 (4?) story barn.

Which the husband was scoping out while I loaded bricks into the truck.

She had enough to let us (and by us, I mean him. All I did was take pictures and moan with pleasure) finish.

And I’m quite pleased with the results.

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Another miracle.

June 23, 2020 Rivergirl 23 Comments

Strange things are happening at Casa River this year.

First, the husband wanted to clean out the big barn ( Okay, he didn’t really. It was just a bit of organizing… but I’m counting it.)

Second, the husband helped me make a garden bed. ( I would have laid money on that never happening. )

And a week ago…

I looked out back….

And saw the husband planting a tree.

Planting! Not chopping down.

Somewhere in America, pigs are flying.

Okay, he didn’t buy them.

And only one of the three stands taller than my knee, but hey.

It’s still a miracle.

He dug them up from the wood line and I seriously doubt he got enough roots to make them viable…. which is why I told him they were going to need lots of water for the first few weeks.

Shall I give you one guess who has to drag that water to the far reaches of our property line because we only have 200 feet of hose and it won’t reach?

Yeah.

I didn’t think so.

Apparently even miracles have limits.

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Behold the majesty.

June 22, 2020 Rivergirl 40 Comments

The majesty (and the God damn miracle I’m not divorced) that is the completed baby barn remodel.

And yes even though it’s as small as a shed, there was a horse living in it before we moved in, so it’s a barn.

A baby barn.

And I have the hay holder thingies to prove it.

Please note ‘hay holder thingies’ may not be the correct equine term, but I was born in Jersey. The only thing I know about horses is who placed in the fourth at Belmont.

We started with this….

And finished with this….

Looks a little better than before, eh?

No comments on the empty garden bed, that has yet to be redone.

Before….

After…

Before….

After….

And to think it only took us a 10 mere months.

Which shouldn’t be a surprise.

We started it’s larger father in 2012…. and haven’t really finished that yet either.

rush

Yup.

That’s our motto.

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I love trees.

June 21, 2020 Rivergirl 17 Comments

So, can you see it?

Look closely now.

Not until you get near enough to look up.

There.

The neighbor’s tree adjacant tree house, hidden from sight by trees.

I love trees.

Here’s the husband for size reference, holding the enemy of trees. The chain saw birthday gift I’ve lived to regret.

I neither know, nor want to find out what he was cutting down there.

I shall just enjoy the leaf cover those glorious trees provide.

And maybe do this –

TREEHUG-monsieur-123_Design-07

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Grocery store oddity.

June 21, 2020 Rivergirl 27 Comments

Yesterday was a relatively uneventful trip…. which is almost anticlimactic at this point. It’s been such a rich source of blog fodder these past few months.

There was ample toilet paper, meat and soup so maybe the panic buying is finally subsiding.

There was however this sign –

And while I consider my vocabulary larger than your average bear’s, aseptic juice did give me pause.

To my mind the words and septic and juice are not a good mix, for obvious reasons.

Because if I’m thirsty? I don’t usually head for the tank out back that holds our bodily wastes.

But thankfully the word aseptic has a different meaning:

Aseptic processing is a processing technique wherein commercially thermally sterilized liquid products are packaged into previously sterilized containers under sterile conditions to produce shelf-stable products that do not need refrigeration.

Whew… that was close.

My Ocean Spray cranberry almost got crossed off the list.

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What’s all the fuss about?

June 20, 2020 Rivergirl 30 Comments

I heard some Hellacious (Yes, that’s a word. At least in Maine.) chattering the other afternoon.

Looked out back…

And saw momma red squirrel perched on the plant hanger.

She was flicking her tail and screeching like a Hollywood starlet who ran out of Botox.

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She screeched so hard a seed fell out of her mouth.

It only took me a minute to figure out why.

The other visitor.

No worries readers, momma escaped unharmed.

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Stupid products.

June 20, 2020 Rivergirl 23 Comments

They’re everywhere.

Call me crazy, but I doubt this chicka is beating the men off with a stick.

Do I need to feel like Judy Jetson when I dispose of that slightly blue, mold covered cucumber that got pushed to the back of the crisper drawer?

No.

I do not.

Again with the space age crap. If I don’t know what year it is when I wake up?

I need to stop drinking, not buy a new clock.

Oh, yeah. These are sexy.

Perhaps she can double date with that hot Trekkie at the top.

Zero gravity?

I’m pretty sure if I ever find myself there, writing a grocery list or a thank you note won’t be my top priority.

And while I don’t need a dehydration light to flash in my water bottle…. this product might have adult beverage applications.

“Drink! You’re starting to sober up!”

Okay.

I’d buy that.

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Nominations snominations.

June 18, 2020 Rivergirl 35 Comments

My slightly twisted, but delightfully so, friend Masercot has just nominated me for this:

award

For which I will be ~~sticking pins in a doll of his likeness and waiting for parts of him to drop off~~ eternally grateful.

You know the drill, I have to answer questions.

Thankfully… because he’s twisted, this won’t be the hardship it normally is.

Let’s begin.

If you could choose any historical figure to hold your hair out of the toilet while you drunkenly vomit at a party, who would it be and why?

I’m going to have to go with Lord Byron. The man drank his liquor out of a cup made from a human skull. You have to admire that kind of commitment.

If you HAD to own a pet and it couldn’t be a dog or a cat, to what country would you flee to escape such a fascist regime. Remember that “Canada” is not an acceptable answer.

Australia…. where my dream pet wombats roam free.

What is your favorite, currently active, credit card number?

Nice try. But you know my only form of currency is tequila. If I can’t buy it with a perfectly mixed margarita? I don’t need it.

You’ve been told you will be allowed to join Trump’s Space Force if you sleep with a Marx Brother and Zeppo is not available. Which do you sleep with and why?

Can’t we just jettison Trump into space and call it good?

If you had to recommend an illegal drug to the youth of America, which drug would it be and how?

Blogging. It’s horribly addicting…. but so satisfying.

Do you think pound cake is overrated?

Only if it weighs 14 ounces.

Do you like Aquaman’s new look or do you prefer the blonde hair and tights?

I actually sat through the entire new Aquaman movie. Sober. Need I say more?

In keeping with tradition (and not because I want to force my friends to share the misery that are these never ending awards) I shall post the rules.

Display the award logo
Thank the blogger who nominated you and post a link to their blog
Answer the questions of the one who nominated you
Nominate some bloggers
Ask them seven questions

I will now gleefully nominate:

James because I had to sit through an entire months worth of Star Wars posts and he owes me.

liveandletthai since he’s always whining not enough people read his blog and just discovered he can make alcohol from dried hibiscus blossoms. You never know when that will come in handy.

clevergirlwrites she’s clever, and a girl. We need to stick together.

Boo because we’ve been blog friends a long time and I like to harass her long distance.

swingedcat he makes me laugh and posts bison photos. Friends like that are harder to find than you think.

My questions:

Would any of you be willing to let a slightly pissed off red squirrel and her children rent a room? The sooner the better, I’m getting hateful looks.

If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner/significant other/blow up girlfriend what would it be, and why?

Can you talk me into eating kale in 50 words or less? I know you can’t, but it will be fun to see you try.

You win an all expense paid trip for two to Antarctica, do you bring a Kardashian or Caitlyn Jenner?

By some strange twist of fate, you’re elected President of the United States in 2020. What’s your first executive order?

And finally, if you’ve made it this far…. why do bloggers feel compelled to keep this award thing going when none of us really like them?

Wait…. what!

You mean I didn’t have to?

Sure, now you tell me.