Tag Archives: humor

How’s this for irony?

 

You stuck with me for 29 posts about our vacation to the Berkshires last month.

(29! I think that’s a record, even for me.)

 

You-done-Yet-No-really-you-done-cause-I39m-sleep-over-here-meme-18624

 

Yes, I’m really done.

But admit it… you enjoyed the ride, right?

 

 

Okay,  that was hurtful.

But thanks to modern technology, and WordPress’s scheduling feature…… as you sit and read this post on the 18th, I’ve actually just returned from a new vacation in the mountains of Vermont.

 

noooooooooo

 

Yes.

It’s true.

We left on the 10th, and came back the 17th.

 

 

And rest assured I’ll have hundreds more pictures of our adventures that I’ll  have to share.

 

that-would-be-great-kill-me-meme

 

You’re welcome.

An honest politician!

 

I received a flier in the mail the other day for a man running for the State House of Representatives.

And while I usually throw those things away, this one grabbed my attention for it’s absolute and utter honesty.

Finally! I thought….

Someone is taking responsibility for their actions.

 

 

IMG_E9384

 

It explained so much!

The total lack of unicorns visiting our backyard…

 

il_570xN_754420076_65jk

 

The fact that people still watch reality tv….

 

 

bec349746b1d122744269a8696948433

 

Oh, alright.

It was really just a statement about his opponent’s outrageous claims against him and his political record.

But for a minute there..

It was nice to dream about an honest politician, right?

 

131pbs

 

 

 

What is it about shoes?

 

Hello, My name is River…. and I’m an addict.

There I said it.

I’m an admitted shoe-aholic.

And while it’s entirely possible I started out life like this –

 

shoes-for-women-fashion-expensive

 

My love of shoes has been a constant through the years. In the past I had racks full of sexy high heeled shoes. Truly… I never met a pump or peep toe mule I didn’t like. But now, in my decrepit early 50’s with evil bunions paining my every step, you’re more likely to find sandals, sneakers and boots clogging my closet.

But that doesn’t mean I still don’t have a slight problem.

 

12step

 

So I went shoe shopping last week and bought a few pairs for fall/winter.

 

IMG_E9391

 

But in my defense, I never repeated a color so that should count for something.

Grey, olive, navy, brown, putty, (yes, be quiet…that’s a color) black, and beige.

Okay….

I lied.

 

IMG_9427

 

I did buy 2 black pairs. But one was leather and one was suede.

And yes, I bought 2 beige pairs… but look. That one has lacy cutouts on the top.

And that blue pair? Well, they’re fleece lined so that’s totally different.

The brown.

Damn. I have no excuse for the brown.

But I’m an addict, remember? Shoes are my crack!

 

imagesNUXO8TTC

 

There are those  ( My husband, my friends, my family, my old coworkers… alright basically everyone. You happy?)  who say I have too many shoes.

To which I reply –

 

 

Too many shoes?

Pffftt!  It’s like being too rich or too thin…. just not possible.

And please don’t raise the possibility of me returning any of my recent purchases to the store.

 

shoes_03-2

 

Because it’s not going to happen.

I love me some shoes.

 

 

And clearly the universe agrees…

Because it sent me a sign in the mail today.

 

IMG_9390

 

Did I mention I also love the word free?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s talk, Philadelphia…..

 

Disclaimer:  I am not a hockey fan and I have nothing against the city of Philadelphia.

So if I offend any die hard Flyers out there, apologies. But your new mascot has me  (and frankly all of sportsdom)   freaked the f*ck out   a bit baffled.

Meet Gritty.

 

Untitled

 

Who is, as one site put it:

“An amorphous burnt-sienna blob that looks like the product of the unholy union between a third-tier H.R. Pufnstuf character and an even-more-hirsute-than-usual Seth Rogan.”

I mean, what exactly were the creators going for here…

Homicidal maniac?

Under medicated sociopath?

 

 

gritty

 

 

If they meant to terrify women and children and send them home with bone chilling nightmares…. well done Philly.

Face it, this thing is disturbing.

 

flyers-2018-portraits-6a186581986cdf85

 

Witness it’s nod to Kim Kardashian.

 

kim_and_gritty

 

And the fact that Gritty took numerous spills on the ice his first night did not go unnoticed.

 

Gritty-fall-832x447

 

When the Pittsburgh Penguins reTweeted the photo with the line, “Lol, ok”

Gritty showed his true colors.

 

 

dgf

 

Be afraid.

 

0-1

 

Be very afraid.

 

the-internet-reacts-to-the-flyers-terrifying-new-mascot-gritty-25

 

 

Class is in session.

 

Untitled

 

I admit when I chose this week’s course I thought it was a joke.

But clearly I am woefully uninformed because Pickleball really is a thing.

 

*******************************************************************************

Beginner Pickleball.

Have you heard the buzz about Pickleball and wondered what it was all about? Come learn to play this wonderful paddle sport, suitable for all ages. Taught by an experienced tennis professional who has become a Pickleball devotee, this class will have you playing in no time. Paddles and balls supplied. Bring tennis shoes to put on when you arrive (no street shoes allowed on the courts).

*******************************************************************************

 

Pickleball?

I had visions of this:

 

pickleball

 

But no…. it really does exist.

There are courts, equipment, instructors, a magazine and evidently…

Nomenclature.

 

81rfnO3T2eL__UX679_

 

After doing a little research, I discovered it’s a rather slow paced game primarily embraced by the retired set.

Although not without it’s vanguard.

 

laguna-del-sol-play

 

And hey,  if you’re lucky enough to live in Pittsburgh…

(Yes, I said that with a straight face.)

 

C8Bh4s3V4AEHbHV

 

So maybe I’d better get a jump on my sunset years, grab a ball and start pickling.

Who’s with me?

Wednesdays  5:30-7:30 pm for 6 weeks.

$59/$64  Non refundable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And the summer sucking project turns another corner.

 

Yeah, we’re still at it.

 

IMG_9247

 

Another corner turned, another paper wall flapping in the breeze.

 

IMG_9249

 

I am officially sick of vinyl siding.

If you’ve ever put it on, you know what I mean. If you’re thinking of putting it on? Don’t. Second mortgage the house, sell a future unnamed child… whatever it takes…. and hire a professional. Yes they charge an utter fortune, and now I know why. This stuff will drive you to drink.

 

IMG_9300

 

Yes, he screwed that in place. And no, he was too annoyed to answer my innocent WTF question.

Hell, even the dog looked confused.

(Not ours, we were dog sitting for the farmers over the weekend. Dogs, chickens…. whatcha got? We’ll watch them all!)

Please let it be noted I cringed when I saw this –

 

IMG_9310

 

Because when your husband pays $4,000 to fix scratches and paint his old truck? And then uses it as a workbench?

 

 

Grrrr.

 

IMG_9380

 

But the back was finished…

 

IMG_9381

 

With the third side well on it’s way.

And in case you’re thinking all I do is take blog pictures while he’s hard at work, think again.

 

IMG_9284

 

I have to take up the mowing slack this project has left behind.

 

IMG_9288

 

And trust me, it’s a lot of mowing.

 

IMG_9280

 

I earn my keep.

 

IMG_9289

 

If only I had a little help…

 

A fashion question.

 

I was flipping through New York magazine the other day…

And being from Maine, one particular photograph struck me.

It was of a Dolce and Gabbana evening gown.

 

IMG_9358

 

And it got me wondering.

Exactly to what kind of high society event does one wear a giant lobster claw?

I could see her snatching a champagne flute off a waiter’s tray with it, sure.

And maybe crushing some Harvey Weinstein like idiot’s roving hand.

But still.

It seems a trifle cumbersome for a night on the town.