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I can honestly say I will never need a Russian pickle puff.
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But I suppose it’s good to know they exist all the same.
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Shark slippers? I’m sure they’re great for scaring the crap out of sand crabs, but no.
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Do I need to drink my cocktails out of a bird’s ass?
I most assuredly do not.
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And if I don’t need a bird ass cocktail delivery system? I certainly don’t need an egg laying one. Trust me, this will not relieve my stress.
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Because no man cave bar is complete without one.
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Yes, I bought the screaming goat.
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And as thrilling as that was, I admit to being a tad disappointed in his miniature stature.
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Here, let me save you the trouble.
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Annoying friends is a super power I already possess, but whatever.
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Ten reasons? I bought a screaming goat! Why wouldn’t I press the button.
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Alrighty then. Behold the majesty….
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Admit it, you’re jealous and want one of your very own. But wait, there’s more.
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So tell me, is anyone interested in taking the goat quiz?
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There are times when I run across items that beg the question… why?
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Yeah, we’ve all had a crappy year… but squishing plastic rainbow colored excrement isn’t the solution.
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Let me get this straight, good behavior is rewarded with…. poop? New age parenting is truly beyond my comprehension.
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I like wine. I like butter. I do not think I’d like canned butter wine.
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Is it? Is it really….
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Just… no. I don’t want my toothpaste dispensed from anyone’s butt, giant green ogre or otherwise.
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Sometimes Facebook gets it right.
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Like this store… that seems to be targeted to my sense of humor.
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Not always, but maybe. Alright… more than likely it is.
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Sounds like something I would do.
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I have an abundant supply, no problem.
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I’m definitely not. Remind me to tell you the story about my husband’s friend who called him at work to tell him to ‘get his wife under control’. Ha! As if.
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That’s me.
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Someday I’m going to have to buy one of these. It’s my favorite tag line and I’ve been searching for cocktail napkins with that phrase ever since we built the man cave bar…. to no avail.
😰
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Forget toilet paper and gas shortages, the really rare items these days are clearly pool tables.
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As I mentioned in a previous post, the husband wants to replace our gifted (read free) inferior table with something bigger, better and more stylish.
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The problem is, in the entire state of Maine? I can only find 3 stores that sell what we’re looking for and none of them have inventory. They all told us to look online, find what we wanted and then come back to place an order.
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While we’ve narrowed it down to the classic style with tapered legs and leather ball baskets, choosing a table online means not being able to feel the quality or take it for a test drive. Heck, they all look good in the pictures…. which is why my husband has had me scouring Craig’s List and Facebook marketplace. We’ve checked out quite a few used tables and none of them have been worthy. Until I found this beauty.
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We drove an hour and a half to see it. The husband took it for a test drive.
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It was custom made in Maine of solid oak, lovingly cared for and best of all? Cheap! Husband wanted to change the felt color, but liked the table and was ready to fork over payment then and there…. but I suggested we check what it would cost to have the table professionally moved and set up in the Barn Mahal first…. and that’s when the whole thing came crashing down. We got estimates from 4 different places and the lowest was… are you ready?
$1,950.
To. Move. A. Table.
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I understand it has to be disassembled and reassembled, but damn Sam. Why on earth would I pay $900 for a used table, twice that to move it and probably another $500+ to change the felt…for a total of $3,350… when I can buy a brand new table, including delivery, set up, choice of style, wood finish and felt color, plus a set of pro balls for $3,500?
I wouldn’t. So I guess we’ll be shopping online and hoping for the best.
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The other day we drove almost 2 hours to look at a used pool table. It was a piece of junk and we had to drive almost 2 hours back. Funny how that works. So when I saw a sign that said Pies! Pies! Pies! I knew we had to stop.
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At an adorable little store on a lovely 40 acre farm.
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Yes, a mother and her 15 year old home schooled daughter run the entire farm by themselves. Please note all work is done by horse and ox. Maine women are nothing if not capable.
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The store was filled with the fruits of their labor. Jams, jellies, relishes, honey, pies, wool, dried flowers, wreaths, maple syrup, soap… and yes. Everything was made by their own hands.
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And this wasn’t some run down ramshackle operation. It was lovely, well kept and clean.
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When my husband opened the upright freezer and saw it was packed with pot pies, quiches, turkey soup, mushroom ravioli, pesto, and minestrone he asked the girl when they found time to sleep.
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Jam came home with us. As did some soap, some soup and of course…..
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Pie.
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Which instead of a traditional crust had a marvelously buttery and flaky rolled pastry foundation.
Pie.
It’s what’s for dinner.
And maybe breakfast.
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You know, the one our friends gave us that inspired my husband to spend untold thousands in converting his storage barn to a man cave extraordinaire? Well guess what…. the husband has decided the free table isn’t good enough now and has been shopping for a new one.
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Have you ever shopped for a pool table during a global pandemic that forced everyone to stay home? If not, I don’t recommend it. Maybe it’s just Maine, but up here decent pool tables are hard to find. After exhaustive research ( that would be me, you know he wouldn’t take the time ) and a few disappointing viewings from Craig’s List ( ‘oh yes, the table is nearly new and in perfect condition’ they say… standing over a tilted, dented wreck with ripped felt ) we found a store with two ( yes, that’s all ) tables for sale.
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Did I mention it was a very high class place? I deduced this by the dogs playing poker plastic sculpture that took center stage.
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Swanky pool cue holders were available as well.
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Husband tried this table but it got a no vote from me. If we’re going with better… I want better, not seedy pool hall decor.
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This had a little more style, but the wrong color felt. Turquoise may be hot right now but we prefer the old fashioned green.
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The tables can be ordered and customized with any wood finish as well.
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Out the door, delivered and professionally set up for $3,500. Please note this is a far cry from free…. but not as much as the Brunswick or Olhausen brands. Those babies go for $8,000 – $10,000.
* gulp *
The search continues.
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Being fully vaccinated, I’m starting to feel safer venturing out with a friend for some long over due retail therapy. First stop? A nursery.
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Because as I’ve said previously, you can never have too many flowers.
Second stop? Goodwill… where I saw this.
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Although I had no idea what it was. At first I thought it was a cat with big tatas wearing a cape and waving. Then I figured out it was a cape wearing kangaroo with boxing gloves and an open pouch. The question is… why does such a thing exist?
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We visited a gift store with strange mossy things…
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But I did like the upside down air plant stuck inside a dried urchin.
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And if you ever want a suede comforter with barbed wire?
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Complete with turquoise stars and fringed pillow shams? I can totally hook you up. ( Although I won’t be spending the night in your guest room. Uh uh. Nope. )
I had to laugh at the rainbow coalition of Crocs.
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Does anyone even wear those monstrosities anymore?
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And finally, this was the one that got away. I’m filled with regret for not scooping that little gem up when I saw it. Ice cubes in 8 minutes? I totally should have bought that for our man cave bar.
😩
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I saw this at Goodwill last week… and it made me wonder how many women in the 60’s stuck their face in a cone for the sake of beauty.
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The ridiculous cat products are still popping up on my Facebook feed.
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Saw this license plate and thought…. why would anyone want to be BoBo?
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For anyone who doesn’t remember….
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BoBo was a blow up punching bag…. and part of a groundbreaking study about learned aggressive behavior.
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And if ridiculous cat products aren’t ridiculous enough? This abomination popped up on my Facebook feed the other day.
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And I seriously don’t want to know what algorithm triggered that!
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If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know I love cheese. And soft ripened French cheese? Ooh la la!
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But Camembert cheese potato chips? Be still my artery clogged heart!
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If not for the fact that these are probably laden with chemicals and enough sugar to sweeten a lemon grove…. they might be fun.
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Wow. This has got to win the ugliest lamp ever award.
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And disappointingly, just when I was thinking of ordering one as a gag gift…. I read a bunch of comments saying it was fake.
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I love steampunk, but judging from the price on their website I’m guessing they’re right.
Damn. It might have looked great on the bar.
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River's world..... 