Tag Archives: christmas

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Antique store horrors.

31 Comments

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You never know what you’ll find when you go antique shopping. Suffering from a nervous disorder?

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Plug in for instant relief. Or electrocution …

Searching for a few taxidermied squirrel asses?

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Look no more.

I actually wanted to buy the smaller one of these for the man cave… ( it’s the closest I’ll ever get to killing that little red bitch who chews through our walls ) but the husband wouldn’t let me.

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Need to give multiple fingers at once? They have that too.

And finally, if you want to suck out the souls of your grandchildren this Christmas?

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Vintage Santa is waiting with open arms.

😳

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Holiday cheer…?

20 Comments

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Here’s a little something that might renew your faith in mankind. As seen on my little Maine town’s community Facebook page.

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Proof positive there are still good and decent people in the world.

But if you think I’ve gone off the rails and this is one of those saccharine sweet Hallmark movie posts?

I also have this bit of holiday cheer :

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And if that isn’t disturbing enough for you?

Check out the Christmas selection:

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Apologies to my cringing male readers…. But it’s too good bad not to share.

🤣

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Gifts no one wants.

26 Comments

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If you’re looking for that perfect Christmas gift? For God’s sake, don’t look here.

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A crocheted octopus hat? While I admit the side view is impressive, I can’t think of a single friend who would actually wear it.

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Men? I’m going to speak for all women when I say we don’t need you to amplify your junk. You’re entirely too proud of it already.

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Be still my heart.

An affection erection?

And they say romance is dead.

🤣

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Pandemic humor

11 Comments

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Because I’m still trying to laugh.

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Funny, but true.

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For those of you who need pictorial directions.

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Brilliant idea. Wish they would do that.

And I know it’s too early for Christmas…. ( Yes people, it’s too damned early! Shove that elf back in the closet. Or better yet, burn it. I hate that little bastard. ) but I may need to buy this ornament.

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Let the games begin.

9 Comments

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Remember the Covid piñata I bought for the Christmas in July party?

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It was a huge hit. Everyone got in the spirit and had ideas on where to hang it.

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Not wanting the contents to spill into the pool, I recommended a nearby tree.

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A little lower please.

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Blindfolds were acquired and the swinging began.

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Poor girl had no idea my evil husband was messing with her aim. She managed to knock the germ off its hanger but didn’t break it… so it was rehung and more turns were taken.

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The pre med boyfriend finally bashed it open … (although it was against someone’s car, oops!) and pandemic appropriate goodies spilled out.

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They were quickly scooped up and examined. At first people laughed, because how often do you have portable toilet paper in a piñata?

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But then everyone was stuffing their pockets for the next apocalyptic run on Charmin.

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The Covid ball?

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It looked rather like a dirty Pac Man and was claimed as well.

To be continued …

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A Covid Christmas, seven months later.

23 Comments

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Now that the stage is set (see yesterday’s post) let’s check out the guests and festivities.

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Santa made numerous appearances.

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And I shared another version of my mankini Santa with this young man who was brave enough to wear it.

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Wine flowed freely.

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Though some guests didn’t approve of our edible flower embellishments.

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This young lady landed herself a new beau. Pre Med and good looking… her father approves. 👍

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Drinks were consumed on the deck, and goat entertainment was enjoyed.

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Eventually the party moved to the pool area.

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And food was enjoyed among Christmas trees and lobster pool floaties.

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Extra food was turned into art.

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(Art being in the eye of the beholder and better appreciated when you’ve been drinking all afternoon.)

To be continued…

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I love my town… part whatever.

18 Comments

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Haven’t done one of these in a while, so I thought it was time to check my small town’s FB page.

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The ultimate in tree repurposing. Goats!

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The old fashion trade and barter system is alive and well in my town. I have a neighbor who had his garage built with nothing but beer.

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Girl Scout cookies are the new crack. Those little bitches give you a free sample and you’re hooked.

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Sorry bud, someone left it in ours as well.

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That is perfectly evil. And I love it!

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Poor piner. Hope he was alright…

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For me? It’s a definite no.

33 Comments

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I recently commented on a blog friend’s post about my dislike of the ever popular photo Christmas card. After voicing my opinion, I was asked “Are you… Scrooge?” To which I answer most emphatically… no! 

But for me… the joy of the annual Christmas card exchange is knowing that someone far away, someone I may not have seen for 15 years, someone I don’t communicate with on a regular basis, took the time to sit down and think of me. To actually pick up a pen and jot down a message of holiday cheer…. in good old fashioned ink. In the virtual, digital, and (don’t get me wrong I love my tech) impersonal world in which we live? That still means something.

So when I get cards like this –

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They leave me cold. Want to include a family photo in your card? Great, I’d love to see you and your hoard of grandchildren. But not like this –

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Where I have absolutely no idea who’s who or from which loins they sprung.

Nope. You have to do more than format some photos online and stick it in an envelope with no handwritten signature or bon mots for me to feel that merry tingle.

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Old fashioned? Probably. But then I still send handwritten thank you notes like my momma taught me.

And if I’m the only one who feels this way? So be it. You do you, I’ll do me. My cards and envelopes always have been… and always will be… hand written. And if you’re lucky enough to make the cut on my ever dwindling Christmas card list (deadbeats who haven’t reciprocated in 5 years are history) you won’t get a typewritten letter detailing the mind numbing minutia of my life in the past year. (Do not get me started on those! I neither need, nor want to know the results of your step son’s colonoscopy or how great aunt Edna is dealing with those pesky cysts.) But you will get a few words from someone who thought enough of you to take the time to put pen to paper.

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*Disclaimer – the post to which I refer is this one by Swinged Cat.

And while my dislike of photo cards stands, I’d like to give him a shout out for at least going the extra mile and doing something humorous.

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What fresh Christmas Hell is this…?

22 Comments

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Since the husband and I usually travel for Christmas, I haven’t done decorations for years. Wreaths in the windows, a few snowflake lights on the barn and a Charlie Brown tree on the table was as much enthusiasm as I could muster this season.

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And when you’ve been married as long as we have (37 years in a few weeks) presents aren’t a big deal either. We’re lucky enough to buy what we want, when we want (and he still doesn’t know my taste in jewelry) so we took a pass on that as well.

There is however one gift that keeps on giving.

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Yes, after a prolonged absence in which I continually prayed for her earthly demise…

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She was back on Christmas Eve. Looking for a way into the house.

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And taunting me…

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The little bitch.

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So if she comes down the chimney wearing a Santa hat today? I won’t be held responsible.

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No. It most definitely is not…

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A Merry Christmas to all.

30 Comments

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Wherever you are and however you choose to celebrate, I hope it brings you joy. There’s been a decided lack of that this year… and I doubt I’m alone when I say I’m ready to kiss 2020 goodbye.

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Our holiday will be small and quiet, and in true 2020 fashion the only thing Santa saw fit to bring me this year was a torrential rain storm with 65 mph winds that will melt the snow, cause a power outage, and make our ceiling spout water like the Bellagio’s fountain. Good times!

But my husband and I have our health… and each other. I can’t ask for more.

So instead of boring you with some sappy Christmas post, I’ll leave you with two pictures.

1. Is it any wonder this was one of the Christmas cards I sent out this year?

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I think not.

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2. A little blast from the past…. yours truly on Santa’s lap.

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It’s the only such photo I have, as my mother told me I ditched St. Nick at a very early age and refused visits after this one. To those who know me well, this shouldn’t come as any surprise.

Ho! Ho! Hmm….

Pass the eggnog.

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