Tag Archives: humor

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What a nightmare.

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Saturday morning on Memorial Day weekend we planned to finish the baby barn remodel. But that didn’t happen, because I started hearing the scritchedy scratch every homeowner dreads.

Squirrels in da house!

I thought they were in the attic, then the walls… but finally pinned it down to the eaves. And I was certain I knew how they got in.

 

 

Please look at the upper right hand corner, behind the lights.

 

 

It’s been like that since we moved in…. 18 years ago. The previous owner’s gerry rigged spotlight installation.

Naturally, ‘Close Hole’ has been on the top of my honey do list for 17 1/2 years because birds have been nesting in there.

 

 

So the husband grumbled, and cursed, and got a ladder to deal with it.

Which is when I heard the scritchedy scratching…. somewhere else.

 

 

In this corner, under the hanging plant.

 

 

So we yanked back the bushes, grabbed a pry bar and started pulling off decking and lattice….

 

 

To discover the noise was coming from inside the vinyl siding corner post. I pounded and knocked and banged on that post like a wild woman and before long?

Baby red squirrels were tumbling out of it like a clown car. They were terrified, and scattered to the 4 winds… so we plugged up the holes and called it good.

Mission accomplished.

 

 

Well, not quite.

To be continued….

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Pandemic humor.

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Because you have to keep laughing.

 

 

That’s my plan.

If you have a better one, please share.

 

 

I wouldn’t doubt it at this point. Society does seem to be breaking down.

In Maine, a local reporter was interviewing random people last week, asking how they felt about the safety precautions … masks, social distancing, closures etc. When he asked a man who wasn’t wearing a mask… even though it was requested by the store and mandated by the town… the man spit on him.

That’s where we are.

So yeah… Godzilla really doesn’t seem too far fetched.

 

 

Dad jokes.

They’ll never die.

 

 

I hope so.

I certainly hope so.

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Back to work.

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At what I believe is the slowest pace humanly possible.

We started on Memorial Day weekend Friday by attacking the baby barn again.

 

 

Trimming the window at a glacially slow pace because as we’ve previously established…. geometry is not our friend.

 

 

After more hours than I care to admit, we moved around to the door trim.

 

 

Which the husband insisted be wider than the other trim.

 

 

Did this work out well?

 

 

Not really. But neither has anything else in this remodel and he refused to do it over, so it is what it is.

 

 

The night before, we took a trip to Lowe’s for door hardware. I argued for 6 inch hinges, because well…. I’m a woman.

You know we love our 6 inches.

But the husband was having none of it and went with 4 inch hinges, trying to prove size doesn’t matter.

As we started to assemble the doors?

 

 

He realized in some instances, size does matter…. and sent yours truly back to Lowes for 6 inches.

Hinges!

I’m talking about hinges!

 

 

I won’t even describe the nightmare that was Lowe’s on Memorial Day weekend.

 

 

By the time I got back the day was done and we got virtually nothing accomplished.

Yay us.

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What’s in a name?

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Clearly, everything.

As evidenced by this product a FB friend bought for her family.

 

 

Well, you have to admit…. it’s catchy.

And I suppose techies will enjoy having a set of controls to play with while on the throne.

 

 

But what tickled me the most (while performing the due diligence blog research my readers have come to expect but neither care about nor want) was the ad campaign.

Save money on toilet paper!

Very timely.

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I should have known.

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I should have known finding that tasty take out a while back was a fluke.

We really do have the worst luck when it comes to grab it and go, (unlike the President) but since we liked the last little place, we gave it another try for lunch.

 

 

Yeah, I knew that as soon as I opened the containers.

 

 

This gelatinous mess was supposed to be crab stuffed mushrooms.

And while admittedly there was some crab, it was basically a soggy tasteless mess. You could have bounced those mushrooms like a rubber ball.

 

 

Husband loves chicken fingers and since these were advertised as homemade, he tried them.

Blech.

The coating was so hard and thick you needed a buzz saw to break through.

 

 

After two appetizers, we decided to split a chicken Caesar salad wrap with sweet potato fries.

Problem was, they put the cold wrap in with the hot fries so the cold sandwich heated up ( melted wrap, warm lettuce and thoroughly liquified dressing ) while the hot fries cooled down ( limp and chewy ). Who does that?

Another total disaster of a meal.

 

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Worst. Gift. Ever.

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Have you ever given someone a gift and had cause to regret it?

I’ve lived with regret for the past few years and felt the old twinge again yesterday.

 

 

At first I looked outside and thought how nice…

 

 

The husband is trimming a tree.

 

 

And then I saw the gift I’ve lived to regret.

 

 

He wasn’t trimming branches off the tree, he was cutting it down.

 

 

Why?

 

 

I don’t know.

Because it was there… and he could, because I’d given him a chain saw as a birthday gift.

 

 

Whatever the reason, it’s gone.

 

 

Or at least part of it.

 

 

And if he thinks he’s leaving this abomination on our lawn he’s sorely mistaken.

Chain saws.

Worst. Gifts. Ever!!

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Because they’re odd.

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I love odd, in case you haven’t been paying attention.

And on my normal route to the grocery store?

I pass this:

 

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A bit personal as questions go, but delightfully odd.

And as my grocery store has been running low on sugar lately…

This:

 

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Golden?

I’m fervently hoping they’re not talking about showers…. but anything that’s less processed usually gets my vote.

And adding to the growing list of  FFS, the panic buyers are still at it  substitute products I have to buy now?

This:

 

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I must confess, I’m a trifle afraid of the Cousin Willie brand.

The more I stare, the more that ear of corn on the top right starts to look menacing… but I’ll be brave and soldier on.

At least it’s not as terrifying as this red pepper.

 

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I agree.

Chocolate is always the safer bet.

 

 

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Because sometimes products are just…. wrong.

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Have you ever seen something for sale and thought, WTH?

I do this quite often and feel it’s my duty to share.

The first strange item is called Q-flex.

 

 

 

And while I agree no one wants knots in their back, you have to admit this just looks…. wrong.

It seems to be 1/3 shepherd’s staff, 1/3 haying scythe, and 1/3 hook from your great grandfather’s old vaudeville act. Anyway you look at?

Wrong.

Next up? A tongue cleaner.

 

 

 

Holy crap! If your is turning brown and you can scrape that much disgusting residue from it’s surface?

Bad breath might not be the only malady you’re suffering.

A posture remedy is next in line.

 

 

Admit it, posture realignment wasn’t the first thing you thought of when you saw this was it?

So wrong.

This next item simply boggles my mind.

 

The magic of a corner piece? What kind of freak would buy this!

Everyone knows all the fudgy goodness is found in the middle.

Epically wrong.

And finally,  there’s a product that you’ve no doubt seen before.

 

 

This requires no explanation, and while I can’t personally attest to its wrongness…. I did find one of it’s reviews more than a little amusing.

 

 

Clearly this poor fellow had an issue.

Because when Taco Bell doesn’t end in the appropriate volcanic eruption? You know you need help.

 

 

 

Have Squatty, Will Travel.

Go west young man, and poop in peace.