Tag Archives: humor

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Judge not lest ye be judged.

30 Comments

 

Excellent advice…. which I clearly don’t take.

I have a friend who’s always talking about her Meyer Briggs test results. She had to take the quiz when she wanted a promotion at work because her employers needed to know if she was management material.

If you’re not familiar…

The purpose of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®) personality inventory is to make the theory of psychological types described by C. G. Jung understandable and useful in people’s lives. The essence of the theory is that much seemingly random variation in the behavior is actually quite orderly and consistent, being due to basic differences in the ways individuals prefer to use their perception and judgment.

 

Not being considered for promotion, (unless being upgraded to your favorite blogger counts) I decided to find the free versions online and take a stab at finding out what kind of personality I am.

 

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Test #1

My results:

 

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None of my preferences were strongly one way or the other, which must mean I’m drab and quite tedious.

 

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A breakdown –

 

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Hmm… I’m a benevolent pedagogue who manipulates others with my unique salesmanship.

The definition of a pedagogue is a dull or pedantic teacher. Not exactly how I see myself, but online quizzes can’t be wrong.

 

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Test #2

My results:

 

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Not sure that’s the best likeness…. but I’m carrying cake and a book, so maybe it’s not too far off the mark.

 

 

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Quiz #2 shows me to be extroverted as well…. and feeling over thinking, though by much wider margins.

 

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Not quite sure what they mean by a turbulent identity, but it sounds badass…

So I’ll take it.

 

 

Test #3

My results:

 

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Another extrovert result, and apparently I talk too much.

Sorry… but that’s not exactly shocking.

 

 

 

 

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This quiz had me going both ways for cognitive style.

 

 

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And dead even for thinking over feeling.

 

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But the last part?

 

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Wow….

I’m a judgemental bitch if ever I saw one.

 

 

 

I also sound uptight and anal.

 

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Good thing I don’t take these things seriously, because from the sounds of that profile I’m a robotic taskmaster with a whip.

Of course, the whip thing could be interesting…

 

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Or not…

 

 

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Random things I saw today….

29 Comments

 

In the parking lot of a restaurant I saw –

The best damn car seat covers…

Ever.

 

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If these don’t stop your mother in law from asking you for a ride?

Nothing will.

At Goodwill I saw –

 

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Technically no, Richard…. no one said sale.

It’s just thrifting.

 

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But may I say…..eeewww.

Clearly there is no quality control in the thrift store business.

This was a sleeve of a blouse with hair covered velcro on the end.

Why did it have hair covered velcro on the end?

 

 

It’s Goodwill. How the hell should I know?

And finally I saw…

 

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A full grown pregnant doe terrified of a chipmunk.

He was sitting on the edge of the stone wall, chipping… as chipmunks are wont to do.

And she wouldn’t come any closer.

 

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I don’t speak chipmunk, but maybe….

 

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He’d had a bad day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Because I promised I would….

29 Comments

 

Squirrels.

Love ’em or hate ’em, you have to admit they’re marvelously clever and acrobatic creatures. Entire industries are built on deterring them from raiding our bird feeders, but squirrels?

They train for it.

 

 

Personally, I enjoy their antics and figure anyone who works that hard deserves a few seeds and nuts.

So as promised, here are a few of my favorite shots over the years.

When we moved to our house in 2002 it was a wasteland of gardenless grass, so I stuck a quick pole in the ground with a feeder.

 

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It didn’t take long for a squirrel to find it.

 

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Reaching it was a little harder.

 

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But eventually he got there.

 

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Although he had a hard time accessing the seed…

 

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It didn’t beat him.

 

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And he happily ate hanging upside down.

 

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Mind you, we have a large open backyard and the winds blow like downtown Chicago so a lot of the feeders actively swing.

 

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Which is what this one was doing. Back and forth, back and forth, with a squirrel happily perched inside and enjoying the ride.

 

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This one didn’t mind sharing the feeder with an orange.

He just used it as a cushion.

 

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Here’s another upside down eater.

 

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Maybe he was raiding seed…maybe he was doing handstands.

Tough call.

 

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Either way, I’m in awe of the leg muscle it takes to hang like that.

 

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This feeder posed a challenge at first.

 

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And for a while all he could do was hug it.

 

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But after a day or two?

 

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Upside down munching.

Squirrels….

 

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Is there anything they can’t do?

 

 

Apparently not.

 

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If there’s any better smell….

27 Comments

 

I don’t know what it is.

 

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Freshly cut lilacs.

 

 

Okay, I totally want a pair of crab scissors now.

 

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These two huge lilac bushes live on the side of our house.

 

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(That’s my vase on the ground to the right of them for scale.)

When we moved here 17 years ago there wasn’t much in the way of landscaping , but thankfully there were lilacs.

 

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One white…

 

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One dark purple.

Naturally, my favorite was always the paler shade…. but beggars can’t be choosers.

My girlfriend gave me a pale one 3 years ago, but it’s got a long way to go to catch up to it’s siblings.

 

 

Come on little fella, you can do it.

 

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Of course, from the pace of growth…

I’ll probably be dead before it blooms.

 

 

Good thing the white one is prolific.

 

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Ah….

Lilacs!

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Because he can’t stand it when I’m right.

44 Comments

 

He really can’t.

Remember when I blogged about the husband’s new toy not fitting in our old barn/shed?

It looked something like this:

 

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I was right…

And apparently that didn’t sit well with the other half so he did a little remodeling.

 

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This is our old shed/barn that needs to be torn down.

 

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Years ago, it housed a horse.

Now?

 

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It’s a pile of rotted wood.

How rotted?

 

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Really rotted.

It’s an eyesore that drives me nuts every single day.

The fact that it’s still standing defies all logic.

 

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I’ve come to the conclusion that it hates me…

And refuses to die just because it can.

 

 

But back to the tractor.

The husband figured if he could straighten out a door…

 

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He could get it inside.

 

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Which he did, but not far enough inside due to that pesky center pole.

You know the one…

It holds up the rotted roof?

 

 

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Yeah.

We don’t need that.

 

 

Mission accomplished.

 

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He proved me wrong… and got the tractor in the shed.

How long there will be a roof over it is anyone’s guess.

 

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Babies!

37 Comments

 

Remember the dandelion eating woodchuck I posted about a while back?

We’ve discovered she lives under our barn.

And yes, she’s a she because…

 

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She has babies!

Baby chuckers… can I get an awwwww?

 

 

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They’re just too cute.

Four in total …but I rarely see them together long enough to get a photograph.

Three is the most I’ve captured so far.

 

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Sweetness!

 

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Here’s one trying to hide under my iron garden bird.

 

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Well, not quite.

More like…

 

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This little one seems to like our back deck.

 

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You can hear him scurrying for cover under the grill… then catch him checking to see if the coast is clear.

 

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This looked like trouble…

 

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But after a few nibbles, he decided he didn’t like geraniums…which was good news for me.

 

 

 

I hate to tell you, but this probably won’t be the last of the baby chucker pics.

You’ve been warned.

 

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Say it isn’t so Apple….

34 Comments

 

I just heard Apple is killing iTunes and I’m not happy.

 

 

iTunes and I have spent many happy years together gathering a vast library of music. I’ve happily downloaded the music of my youth, my adolescence, my single years, my married years and my rapidly approaching decrepitude.

I’m invested damn it!

The iPod and I are tight.

 

 

I have the giant one. It holds 40,000 songs and though I haven’t filled it?

I wanted to.

And then I read Apple… in all their infinite  F.U. Tim Cook, you’re no Steve Jobs  wisdom, are breaking iTunes up into different apps and focusing on streaming.

Streaming.

 

 

I don’t want to stream. I want my songs.

My weirdo… no one has ever heard of the band… songs.

The songs I oh so carefully and painfully slowly converted from my 33 1/3 album collection….

(For millennial readers?  33 1/3rd’s are those shiny black discs people bend into bowls and sell at your local flea markets.)

… and the obscure songs I could always find and download from the iTunes store.

Pousette Dart Band’s Yaicha?

 

 

Yeah, I’ve got that.

Moon Martin’s Bootleg Woman?

 

 

Yup. Got that too.

iTunes had everything!

 

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Apple says that our libraries will be safe… if you bought it you can keep it. But will the store be there for future downloads?

 

 

Researching the demise, I found this:

 

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Okay, I run iTunes on Windows…. so I can still breathe.

For now.

But if you need me in the next few weeks? Tough.

I’ll be busy downloading scores of music while I still can.

You know, quality stuff.

Like Ultimate Spinach… and The Flying Burrito Brothers.

 

peace

 

 

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Nursery chuckles and organic weed control.

33 Comments

 

I’ve never met a flower I didn’t like, so I never pass a nursery without stopping in to check out the new arrivals.

The other day?

This made me laugh.

 

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Best name for manured soil…

Evah!

 

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And then there was this little succulent…

 

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Who clearly wanted a hug.

 

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When I got home that afternoon and saw all the dandelions popping up on our lawn, I lamented the fact that we don’t use chemicals for weed control.

But then I saw this out our bedroom window.

 

 

 

Bless his little Chucker heart.

He wandered around and ate every bloom he saw.

Suck on that Monsanto!

 

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I knew it!

 

 

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For those who are Thrones bereft.

17 Comments

 

Game of Thrones is over…

 

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And whether you loved the ending or not…

You have to admit, it was one helluva ride.

 

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But if you’re feeling sad…

Because Sunday nights no longer have a purpose?

Maybe this will help…

 

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A dragon lamp with different color “flames”.

For those times you really want to yell Dracarys.

 

 

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Yes, they exist.

 

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And the description is blog worthy in and of itself.

 

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Well, I do love lots of Game of Thrones.

And I wouldn’t mind making a dragon gift to my friends.

But the fact that it’s made of high quality plastic? With good detailization?

Plus! Plus!

 

And face it, now that season 8 is finished….

It’s as close to dragons as any of us are going to get.

 

 

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When I die….

30 Comments

 

My epitaph shall read:

Here lies River

She was swallowed by a quince bush.

 

 

 

This is the bush from Hell that lives and multiplies like a rabbit on our property.

 

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Every fall we wack it down to a manageable level, and every spring it comes back with a vengeance.

 

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Yes, the blooms are lovely.

 

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And yes, the bumblebees enjoy it.

 

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Pardon the bee butt shots. Apparently they’re camera shy.

 

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But damn.

It’s only June and the pink spawn of Satan is already reaching the roof line.

 

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So if I should disappear this summer?

Grab a machete and come get me….

 

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It’s already got three window exits blocked.

 

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I fear the doors are next.

 

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