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I went out the mailbox the other day, found a hand addressed letter and thought, how nice! Someone took the time to put pen to paper like we used to.
And then I read it.
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Damn.
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It seems Covid 19 has stopped those annoying Jehovah Witnesses from knocking on our door…
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But they’ve found an alternate way to try and spread their word.
Oh well, I’m sure the post office appreciates the added revenue.
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Because we all need to laugh more often.
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I don’t know, but FFS…. someone send her back.
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How exactly does one do that?
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We’ll all be doing this come January.
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Yes.
That sounds about right.
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Guess it’s been a rough year for everyone.
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Oh, those Brits.
Ever helpful with the good advice.
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Here’s hoping your holiday is happy, safe and free of tactical response teams.
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My husband, the king of romance.
Since we haven’t done any traveling this year due to the global plague, my wonderful spouse suggested we take a ride up the coast one warm afternoon last week. I readily agreed and dressed appropriately.
I was a little surprised to hear him pulling the truck out of the garage instead of the Beemer, but he loves that old thing and I figured he wanted to run her for a spell.
I should have known.
Where did my thoughtful husband take me on our relaxing ride up the coast?
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To one of the few remaining bring anything and everything you want to throw out dumps that are still open during the pandemic.
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And while I’m thrilled there are still things he’s willing to relinquish, this wasn’t the leisurely waterfront cruise I had in mind.
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Romance.
I think it’s well and truly dead.
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Because you have to laugh. Or at least I do..
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Nothing worse than a wannabe.
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I’m not sure I needed permission, but thanks anyway.
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Poor Rexy.
How the heck did he eat a taco?
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As rabid as some people have been during this election cycle, it wouldn’t surprise me.
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True.
We were going to retire and travel. Now I get excited if the grocery store has toilet paper.
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The perfect holiday ornament for a truly shitty year.
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Because I still need to laugh.
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You think you’ve laid in enough supplies for the next Covid wave of panicked shoppers? Just imagine how much triple ply Charmin ole Rex would have needed.
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That’s a distinct possibility.
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Another possibility. At least in my neck of the woods.
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That sounds like good advice.
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Protection.
It’s not just for penises anymore…
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My first question is why I even bother going to Wal Mart in the first place? For a store that claims to have everything, they rarely… if ever… have what I need.
Bird seed?
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Nope.
Is there a new Covid 19 shopping panic I don’t know about? Are preppers stocking their bunkers with sunflower seed and suet now? I mean really… every single time I go Wal Mart… specifically for bird seed… the shelves are bare. It’s beyond annoying.
While I was there this time I also looked for individual au gratin baking dishes, because ya know… River needs to bake some fancy fish.
Nope. Couldn’t find any.
The rude gum smacking purple haired helpful sales associate I finally tracked down and asked told me there was no such thing… but I could find the potatoes on aisle 12.
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Sheets?
Our niece wanted some flowered ones for her dorm room… but Wal Mart said no can do.
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Flowers?
Forget about it. Plain grey, beige and navy. It was the same blah color scheme of that furniture store I visited a while back. And hey, I understand trends as much as the next girl… but what happened to something for everyone?
Feeling totally discouraged, I searched for one more thing.
A simple thing. A thing surely every Wal Mart in America carries.
A sweatshirt for the husband…
But did I find one?
I think you know the answer to that.
There was one lone sweatshirt in the men’s department. A size small… in bright red.
* note to Wal Mart stockers – get with the program! It’s Maine. We need bird seed, sweatshirts and fancy fish bakers. *
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Does anyone really need a shower curtain of mushroom derrières?
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No. But you have to admit it does provide a striking visual.
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I know we’ve all gotten lazy, and gardening inside is bad enough… but now there’s an app that allows you to sit on your couch and grow tomatoes with your phone?
Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should.
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I laughed at this one, but when the winter Covid surge rolls around and all the grocery stores are out of TP again?
It might be a suitable alternative.
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Okay, that one I might have to buy.
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Let’s keep laughing for as long as we can.
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Me neither.
And that’s just wrong!
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Personally, I would love a pet skunk. They’re affectionate and trainable to a litter box. We have them visit under our bird feeders every night and they are absolutely, positively, frickin’ adorable! But Maine made it illegal to capture and de-scent the little buggers years ago, so boo to that.
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Yup.
That looks about right.
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Pulp Fiction – 2020 style.
And if you don’t believe in masks but are still responsible enough to wear one?
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Voice your protest responsibly.
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And for the record? My hips don’t either…
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Before walking to the mailbox yesterday, I was unaware a voting report card even existed.
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But huzzah!
I think I got an A.
And if there’s anything better than walking into your local grocery store and finding the Kool Aid man wearing a hat full of handmade hedgehogs?
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I’m sure I don’t know what it is.
Now, I don’t claim to be the brightest bulb in the pack…
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But I’m not so dim that I get easily confused by plaid. (Unless I’m throwing back shots. When that happens, I can barely figure out how to open my purse.)
And finally, Maine.
We rarely make the top of any list unless it’s moose or lobster centric so I was quite pleased to see we were number 2 in the fewest amount of Covid cases from June to mid October.
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In case you don’t see your state, here’s the other half of the list.
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North Dakota is the worst in the nation?
I admit that surprised me.
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Our weekly CDA is winding down for the year, but the harvest is still plentiful.
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Peppers, turnip, ginger, Korean melon, spinach, salad greens, kohlrabi, radishes, chard, celery, dill and yes. Some awful version of kale.
Our weather has started to change and we’re feeling some delightfully brisk and crisp air. When that happens?
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It’s time for a big pot of homemade chili. And a trip to our local pub.. at an off hour when no one is there. Perfect.
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On the menu? Duck wings with sweet Thai chili sauce.
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Tis the season.
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And thanks in part to my suggestion… okay my endless badgering, whatever!… the owner has agreed to run weekly cocktail specials. He even bought a lovely coffee table book of choices for me to peruse.
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Keep the customers happy.
And the really good customers like me? Keep them soused, they complain less that way.
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River's world..... 