Grocery store chuckles.

November 5, 2020 Rivergirl 36 Comments

It never fails to amaze me how many ridiculous products I can find in the grocery store.

Multi colored popcorn farts? No thank you. Wait… they’re covered in white chocolate?

On second thought. How bad can a rainbow unicorn toot be?

This abominable bag of quinoa was on the check out aisle with all the other reasonable unhealthy snacks. Don’t they know how good that radioactive orange Cheetoh dust is? Geesh, no one in their right mind craves quinoa.

Tolerant organic. What exactly does that mean? Is that little fellow going to bludgeon me with his noodle if I don’t compliment his Birkenstocks?

I’m sorry, but when I walk down the baking aisle… filled with cakes and brownies and numerous other drool worthy desserts? Protein balls are not high on my list.

Finally, I need two things explained.

1. What happened to the separation of church and grocery store?

And

2. If you’re going to quote scripture about baking bread, don’t use it to sell a box of cereal. That’s just false advertising.

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Being barren isn’t always a bad thing.

November 4, 2020 Rivergirl 19 Comments

Especially when it’s autumn…

In Maine…

And you’re a wild blueberry.

Then?

It’s downright breathtaking.

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Because sometimes a product review can have too much information..

November 4, 2020 Rivergirl 24 Comments

Like the one I saw for this questionable product.

Have you noticed this trend… spraying before you go? It seems like Poo- Pourri type products are everywhere these days. But the following review went above and beyond.

A cold, damp night… spicy chili and Westworld. You have to love a reviewer who sets the mood.

Montezuma’s Revenge Meter? Nice.

Crab walking visual? Helpful.

Chili and eggs plotting a colon coup?

The plot thickens… so to speak.

And just like that, the old tag line has now taken on a completely different meaning.

Uh oh.

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Products we all need. Or not.

November 3, 2020 Rivergirl 14 Comments

Does anyone really need a shower curtain of mushroom derrières?

No. But you have to admit it does provide a striking visual.

I know we’ve all gotten lazy, and gardening inside is bad enough… but now there’s an app that allows you to sit on your couch and grow tomatoes with your phone?

Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should.

I laughed at this one, but when the winter Covid surge rolls around and all the grocery stores are out of TP again?

It might be a suitable alternative.

Okay, that one I might have to buy.

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Yes, this is a thing.

November 3, 2020 Rivergirl 21 Comments

I don’t know why, but it is definitely a thing.

Yes, now you can definitively prove your nasty neighbor’s pit bull did indeed hump poor little Twinkle.

23 and Me take note, there’s a new dog in town.

Is this really necessary?

No. But I found some fascinating ancestors when I researched my family tree so who knows? Your pooch may be Rin Tin Tin’s great great great great grandson on his mother’s side.

Bowzer’s family tree.

Frame worthy for sure.

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Products no one needs but you know someone will buy.

November 2, 2020 Rivergirl 25 Comments

This first one is sure to be a favorite on Valentines Day.

Because nothing says I love you like petrified beef.

Good God, do these things still even exist?

Please, for the love of all that’s holy… no.

For when you really want to throw down like Hamlet.

This.

This is really what’s wrong with America. We’re too damn lazy to sit up.

Pfft. I call foul.

Everyone knows Alfred Von Wigglebottom wouldn’t be caught dead on anything less than Danish Modern.

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Cosmo-ly Hell (warning- things go south quickly… literally and figuratively)

November 2, 2020 Rivergirl 27 Comments

This month’s issue of Cosmopolitan made me wonder why my girlfriend gave me a subscription to this in the first place. Fashion and make up tips? Fine.

But, hey… I don’t have a post pandemic sex bucket list and don’t plan on making one any time soon.

But if I did?

I can assure you this wouldn’t be on it.

Good grief. I’ve been known to blog about my trips to the grocery store… but I seriously doubt anyone wants to read about that happening in the middle of aisle 12.

After the bucket list, there was a list of commonly asked questions.

I don’t know about you, but that’s not something I commonly ask.

And I can guaran-damn-tee you I’ve never asked that!!

I’m not going to show the answers to that one, you’ll never look at the contents of your kitchen cabinets the same way, but I’ll leave you with this more than slightly suggestive accompanying photo.