I think we’ve established I won’t eat it.
I’m not eating the kale chips.
I’m not drinking the kale smoothies….
Hell no.
But this?
This is a bridge too far.
Now you want me to wash my hair with it?
Vegan?
Damn…. and here I was looking forward to lathering up with a nice chunk of fat back.
Nope.
This is a kale free household and it’s going to stay that way!
I should have known finding that tasty take out a while back was a fluke.
We really do have the worst luck when it comes to grab it and go, (unlike the President) but since we liked the last little place, we gave it another try for lunch.
Yeah, I knew that as soon as I opened the containers.
This gelatinous mess was supposed to be crab stuffed mushrooms.
And while admittedly there was some crab, it was basically a soggy tasteless mess. You could have bounced those mushrooms like a rubber ball.
Husband loves chicken fingers and since these were advertised as homemade, he tried them.
Blech.
The coating was so hard and thick you needed a buzz saw to break through.
After two appetizers, we decided to split a chicken Caesar salad wrap with sweet potato fries.
Problem was, they put the cold wrap in with the hot fries so the cold sandwich heated up ( melted wrap, warm lettuce and thoroughly liquified dressing ) while the hot fries cooled down ( limp and chewy ). Who does that?
Another total disaster of a meal.
I love odd, in case you haven’t been paying attention.
And on my normal route to the grocery store?
I pass this:
A bit personal as questions go, but delightfully odd.
And as my grocery store has been running low on sugar lately…
This:
Golden?
I’m fervently hoping they’re not talking about showers…. but anything that’s less processed usually gets my vote.
And adding to the growing list of FFS, the panic buyers are still at it substitute products I have to buy now?
This:
I must confess, I’m a trifle afraid of the Cousin Willie brand.
The more I stare, the more that ear of corn on the top right starts to look menacing… but I’ll be brave and soldier on.
At least it’s not as terrifying as this red pepper.
I agree.
Chocolate is always the safer bet.
Have you ever seen something for sale and thought, WTH?
I do this quite often and feel it’s my duty to share.
The first strange item is called Q-flex.
And while I agree no one wants knots in their back, you have to admit this just looks…. wrong.
It seems to be 1/3 shepherd’s staff, 1/3 haying scythe, and 1/3 hook from your great grandfather’s old vaudeville act. Anyway you look at?
Wrong.
Next up? A tongue cleaner.
Holy crap! If your is turning brown and you can scrape that much disgusting residue from it’s surface?
Bad breath might not be the only malady you’re suffering.
A posture remedy is next in line.
Admit it, posture realignment wasn’t the first thing you thought of when you saw this was it?
So wrong.
This next item simply boggles my mind.
The magic of a corner piece? What kind of freak would buy this!
Everyone knows all the fudgy goodness is found in the middle.
Epically wrong.
And finally, there’s a product that you’ve no doubt seen before.
This requires no explanation, and while I can’t personally attest to its wrongness…. I did find one of it’s reviews more than a little amusing.
Clearly this poor fellow had an issue.
Because when Taco Bell doesn’t end in the appropriate volcanic eruption? You know you need help.
Have Squatty, Will Travel.
Go west young man, and poop in peace.
Because wouldn’t you rather laugh?
There.
That puts things in perspective.
Yes.
For quite a bit longer by the looks of things.
Don’t you just hate when that happens?
Hell, in Maine…. it already does.
Good rule.
Most definitely.
Grocery stores have become the new I-95. Wrong way dumb asses, rubberneckers, and the road police who do 25 miles under the posted speed limit.
Move aside people….
River needs double fudge brownie mix. And tequila.
A fitting finale.
WTF indeed.
I swear I’ve cooked more meals in the last two months than I have in the previous six.
Virus quarantining means a lack of many things, but around here? A full plate isn’t one of them.
I never used to cook or eat breakfast. Now it’s blueberry banana pancakes and thick cut bacon.
I used to eat a light lunch. Now it’s cream of turkey and wild rice soup, a chicken Caesar wrap and a chocolate chip cannoli.
Four nights a week we used to have salad. Now it’s more likely to be a pot roast dinner with all the fixings.
We may not do much else, but damn it… we eat.
Which means I’m getting tired of cooking and craving some decent take out.
Our last two attempts were abysmal failures but we finally got lucky at a little local restaurant in the next town I never paid much attention to before.
Delectable, juicy, and dripping with sauce… these sweet and spicy Thai wings were pure ambrosia. I admit to sharing with the husband…. but only grudgingly.
There was also a stellar pizza called the Mainer. Garlic butter brushed crust with Italian sausage, bacon, onion, peppers, mushroom and olives.
I was thrilled.
I was ecstatic.
I may have drooled.
So yes, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say we’ll probably be repeating the process.
And their slightly off balance Facebook page.
Not off hand, no.
But I hope he finds one. Pigless is a terrible thing to be.
This picture of our local sheriff’s truck was posted by a resident.
Because really, who needs blue lights when you have a chicken?
This post was met with the incredulity and the scathing derision it deserved . Reveal your fiddlehead location? To a stranger!!
Mainers have been killed for less.
Fiddleheads are a precious ($15-$20 per pound) and extremely fleeting commodity in the spring. Locals protect their secret gathering spots like they do their virgin daughters. Personally I can’t stand the slimy things…
But Mainers go berserk for them.
And speaking of barely edible food, some well meaning townie posted this:
Now really, if I’m not going to eat the delicate unfurled leaves of a fern?
You can damn sure bet I’m not baking helicopter seed pods that look like bugs.
Damn.
And once you read them you’ll realize how little you care…..
I’m sure you could have gone all day with out hearing that, but since I hate nuts anyway? It strengthens my resolve that peanut butter is disgusting.
Yeah.
Enjoy that sandwich now.
I dare you.
I had to do a little research on this one because I grew up adoring Ted.
Sadly, he’s wasn’t always the sweet cuddly children’s author we imagined.
But I still love the Lorax, sorry Helen.
Asbestos snow…
What could go wrong?
True.
And quite bizarre…
Well, we could all use a little more protein in our diets.
People are allergic to cochineal insects?
How would they know? I didn’t even realize there was such a thing.
Okay, I agree…. that really would have sucked.
And finally, because men aren’t filled with enough penile insecurities as it is.
Sorry guys.
Penis envy is a horrible thing.
P.S. ….. When I woke up and checked WP on my phone this morning? My reader preview made me do a double take.
Damn.
The porn spammers will be back any day now.
Unless it’s in a rent by the hour hot sheet motel? I don’t think anyone needs their bed to vibrate.
Just…. no.
If I’m not willing to eat kale? ( and I think we’ve established I’d rather have my toenails ripped off by a hungry wombat ) I doubt I’ll be spreading it on my face any time soon.
Well this is ridiculous.
Leftover chocolate. What’s that?
Proof positive there are a limitless number of kitchen gadgets waiting to collect dust in your cabinet.
Move over avocado hugger and ice cream ball. Spaetzle maker is in da house.
I have no idea if this works or not, but may I just say?
Eww.
When I first saw this I thought… nope, I’ll pass on the motivational self help crap.
Until I realized it could be filled with G&T’s or margaritas.
1:00pm took on a whole new meaning then.
Heaven does exist.
And I found it at our local grocery store.
Heaven….
Who knew it was halfway down aisle 12?
River's world..... 