Tag Archives: men

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Because I know you were anxiously awaiting it’s return…..

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It’s back.

The ongoing baby barn remodeling saga…. and for those of you just joining us? Consider yourself lucky you missed the first 300 episodes.

Winter is over in Maine, we think…. so work has begun anew.

On Saturday afternoon rotted wood was replaced.

 

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And the silly man I’m married to tried to make everything square.

 

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Look at him with his little level. Isn’t that cute?

If you remember anything from last year, you’ll know the terms level and square are completely relative when dealing with this nightmare of a building.

 

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But hope springs eternal, and maybe sometime before we’re through that damned bubble will be in the right position.

 

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The last of the Zip siding was installed…

 

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And yes, that’s my husband’s back…. as he refused to smile for my camera.

 

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I can never quite figure his modus operandi when he works on a project……. and wondered why he made his way from the outside in to meet in the middle.

 

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This doesn’t usually bode well when you’re using a tongue and groove design.

I  (oh so)  helpfully told him this, but of course he paid no attention because I’m a woman and what do I know?

 

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Well, yes.

As a matter of fact he is.

 

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But when he tried to fit that last piece?

I admit it, I chortled while he cursed.

Which I enjoyed, because really… the world needs more chortling.

 

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Apparently I did chortle a little too loudly because I also got the look.

Which, after 36 years…. he should know has positively no effect.

 

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A little trimmed tar paper later and he called it day.

 

 

 

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Well, no good came from that.

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I’m speaking of the (oh so helpful) post I did the other day about that most wonderful product……  the butt mask.

I hate to say it, but I’m afraid that bit me in the ass.

You see, right after I posted it? I noticed I had a few new followers:

 

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Not the shoe woman or the wine lover… those are totally understandable.

No, I’m talking about Pistol Pete.

Whose blogs are a little out of my area of expertise.

 

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Am I ready for men’s thong underwear?

No, Pete. I most assuredly am not.

And if Pete wasn’t bad enough? I also picked up his alter ego Daniel Alexander.

 

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I must not know about this.

Really. I mustn’t.

 

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Nothing. There’s no occasion that calls for male G string underwear.

Office party? Nope!

Dinner with friends? Nyet!

Your mother in law’s birthday? Well, maybe….

 

 

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I’ll throw this one over to my male readers.

What do you say guys… are they comfortable?

 

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In closing, the moral of the story is….

Don’t blog about butt masks.

 

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And say goodbye to Pistol Pete as fast as you can.

 

 

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Who? What! Why….?

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Who would invent such a thing?

What would make them think this was a good idea?

And why would anyone ever want to buy it?

 

Wonder what I’m talking about?

It’s this:

 

 

Yes.

You read that correctly.

Brewers in Poland have developed a fermented beer made from the vaginal lactic acid of beautiful women.

Doesn’t that sound yummy?

 

 

 

If you want to read more about it…..  here.

The entire idea is as ridiculous as it is disgusting, which is why I had to blog about it.

 

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Because if this crap has to rattle around in my brain?

I need to make sure it rattles around in yours as well.

 

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Cape Cod trip, Day 1. Boston traffic, the resort and yes, food. (for those of you who keep screaming for food pics)

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No trip south of Maine can escape Boston traffic… and in a word?

 

 

Okay, technically that’s 2 words.

 

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But it still sucks.

 

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The Tobin Bridge is attractive…

 

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But directly after that is the Callahan Tunnel, which is not.

Of course my aversion to it may have something to do with the fact that we’re always bumper to bumper in the dark and instead of the posted 40 mph speed limit? The husband is flying through at 80 while darting in and out of traffic trying to get 3 inches ahead of the next car. Driving is a competition dontcha know…

Blah, blah, blah.

Safe trip…. hello Cape Cod!

We stayed at the Sea Mist Resort in Mashpee, Massachusetts which is considered the Upper Cape.

 

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And it was a good base from which we could explore.

Quiet, wooded and off season? It was practically deserted, which is how we like it.

 

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We had a one bedroom townhouse with two bathrooms and a cathedral ceiling.

 

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A nice full kitchen with granite countertops and wood floors.

 

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It was clean, and spacious…

 

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Although when it came to the living room furniture and color scheme?

 

 

Yes, it was bland.

 

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But hell… clean, quiet and spacious trumps ugly any day.

 

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Did I mention there were 2 full bathrooms? That’s unusual in a one bedroom timeshare condo and I took full advantage…. giving the husband this smaller one.

 

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It was a little odd having a window in the bedroom that looked out on the living room….

 

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But it made for a nice little reading nook when the husband was knee deep in MSNBC every night.

 

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The bedroom was a good size with a super comfortable, although not king sized, bed.

 

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It also had a full length mirror which earns it an extra star in my book as none of them ever do.

After unpacking,  (which looks like this for me…

 

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And this for him…

 

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(Men. How is it possible we’re the same species?) We headed out for a late lunch/early dinner.

 

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Mashpee Commons was nearby and one of the largest shopping centers on the Cape. While attractive and filled with interesting stores and restaurants, it was also a nightmare when it came to parking. We circled and circled… and circled some more until we squeezed into a tiny spot. Christ! It was the dead season of November, I can’t imagine what it would be like in the summer.

 

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We landed at Bobby Byrne’s pub…

 

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Where I got in the Cape Cod spirit with a cranberry and grapefruit cocktail. (Or two)

When you’re in the Cape, it’s all about the cranberry.

 

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I wanted the huge gigantic pretzel, because seriously… it was huge.

But went with the grilled chicken quesadillas and sriracha crema instead.

 

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Damn! They were good.

Husband had his usual French Onion soup which I swear… contained at least a pound of cheese.

 

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Then we shared a chicken broccoli alfredo.

 

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Which was delightfully rich and garlicky.

Did I mention the beer was extremely cold?

 

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Literally, ice cold.

(Are you food picture screamers satisfied? Day 1 and you got multiple food photos. You’re welcome… now be quiet.)

Bellies full, we grocery shopped to stock the kitchen…. and then called it a night.

One more picture…

 

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Because skylights in the living room require an after dark selfie….

 

 

 

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Because I’m always looking out for my male friends.

40 Comments

 

So a certain blogger (who shall remain nameless unless he/she actually wants to take credit for this post) sent me a link to a product that I found the day after Thanksgiving.

Having just enjoyed copious amounts of turkey, I admit it made me think twice about ever eating one again.  It seems we never really know what those birds are up to pre gluttonous feast.

This post will pass along further information for what I think is probably the best Christmas stocking stuffer ever.

For your husband, your brother, your uncle, your cousin…. Hell, for every man in your life.

Give them to your mailman and the guy who changes your oil.

You can thank me later.

Snowballs

If you clicked the link, you’ll realize I wasn’t talking about those delightfully revolting pink Hostess treats that look like Tribbles.

It’s another thing entirely.

 

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No, I’m not kidding…

And some of the descriptions are funnier than the product itself.

“Summer is a decidedly, uh, swampy time for many men and the summer of 2019 has been especially hot and humid throughout most of the northern hemisphere. Dress loose and in light fabrics all you want, eventually the heat hits you in the crotch.

It’s a uniquely male problem and one underwear company has the solution to that and more. Snowballs basically wants to ice your ‘nads back into the comfort—and fertility—zone.

Being able to walk around with your ‘nads air-conditioned without risking indecent exposure is pretty appealing. And Snowballs claims their product can do more than just frost the funk away from your nether regions.”

 

Swampy?

 

 

 

Yeah, no one wants that.

 

“From setting sprays to chafing balm, ladies have a few tricks up their sleeves when it comes to handling the heatwave.

But now men have found something to help them out on scorching hot days — freezable pants.

Over on Amazon, a brand called Snowballs Underwear is selling “scientifically-backed cooling underwear”.

The underwear comes with ice packs — dubbed “SnowWedges” — that men are able to put in the freezer before popping into a pouch that sits over the groin.”

 

And before you decide the whole thing is just a joke, here’s a video to prove icing your  balls, sack, nuts, jewels, sweetbreads, Christ…what term won’t get me kicked off WordPress?   parts has actual medical benefits.

 

 

 

 

 

There.

Now don’t you feel better knowing these exist?

 

 

 

 

 

Just remember…

You saw it here first.

 

 

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Well, that’s a new one.

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As you know…. my husband has a habit of coming home from the dump with more than he went with.

But this week?

I think he even surprised himself.

We’d been working on the baby barn and the truck was full of rotted wood.

 

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Our local recycling center won’t take it because it was painted, which means a 40 minute trip to a solid waste disposal site. He came back with an empty truck….

And this:

 

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Yeah.

A 2005 BMW.

Did we need another one? No.

 

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And come on, you know owning two BMW’s is twice as obnoxious as owning one.

Why did he buy another one?

Because it was clean…

 

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Had low mileage for it’s age…

And the little old lady that owned it treated it like a child.

 

 

I really have to stop letting him go to the dump alone.

 

*Disclaimer – technically he didn’t get this at the dump, just found it at a house along the way.  Hell, if he’d found it for free at the dump… I wouldn’t be complaining.*

 

 

 

 

 

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So…. this is happening.

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You may remember me posting pictures of our little red barn/shed.

We use it as a shed, but it was originally a small barn complete with horse. The horse is long gone…. and 40 odd years later?

The barn/shed is almost gone as well.

 

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Falling apart?

You could say that…

 

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Rotted wood?

 

 

The mere fact that it’s still standing never ceases to amaze me.

 

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It’s horrible. An eye sore on our otherwise lovely property. The bane of my existence for a long, long time.

It’s state of disrepair is the main reason we spent $50,000 and 7 years of nights and weekends building a new and much larger barn.

 

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The plan? All the mowers and weed whackers, the snow blower, the tractor and assorted yard tools that were in the shed/barn were supposed to go into the new barn…. and the eyesore would be torn down.

 

 

But that never happened, and now the husband….. who has already filled the new barn with CRAP wants to rebuild the shed/barn to continue housing the mowers, tractor etc.

So this is happening.

 

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Husband deemed part of the interior framing sound, and started what I thought was deconstruction of the back half…. which needs to be completely rebuilt..

Now my idea of deconstruction consists of ripping off the roof, then the walls. The husband’s?

I’m not quite sure.

 

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He put up a new piece of wood…

 

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Ostensibly to brace the roof… though why you need to brace something you’re tearing down is beyond me.

 

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But look at the piece he’s bracing! Rotted doesn’t begin to describe it…

Then…

 

 

Yeah. He trimmed it…

The rotted piece of wood.

 

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He sawed off a section of wall… by hand, even though the chainsaw was right there.

 

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And made a bigger hole.

 

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He elongated the brace….

 

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And added wood running along the bottom.

 

 

He was supposed to be tearing it down…. so WTH?

Naturally I had to ask.

And naturally, he wouldn’t answer.

It was hot, he was cranky and I dared to question his technique.

Silly me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Things I like today… chapter 5.

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I like….

Finding that just right product at T.J. Maxx.

 

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Pig collagen.

Because have you ever seen a wrinkled pig?

 

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I like…

Taking the guess work out of what to get me for my birthday.

 

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Good clean fun…. yes sirree.

 

I like…

Hummingbirds who pull up a chair and sit a while.

 

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As this one did the other day on our back deck.

 

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2,000 meals a day and sleep the whole night thru?

I totally want to be a hummingbird now.

I like….

 

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Okay, technically I don’t know if I like it yet because I just bought it.

 

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But a 100 calorie cocktail?

 

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What’s not to like?

And finally, I like….

This sign.

 

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Because who can argue with that?

 

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Really?

31 Comments

 

Have you ever been out shopping and stumble on a product that makes you go….

 

 

I did that the other day when I turned the corner and saw this:

 

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Catchy name.

And I admit… it made me look.

Then?

It made me sorry I looked.

 

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Really?

 

 

Let’s break this down.

#1.   King of the Throne? Please.

This is the only king who will ever be on our throne.

 

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#2.   Tear, unfold and wipe, DUDE.

There are only two people who can get away with saying those words.

 

 

#3.   *ALSO SWEET FOR FACE, HANDS, PITS & DUDE REGIONS

Dude regions? I don’t want to explore that statement further.

Truly.

I don’t….

 

 

#4.  Ingredients include flower extract and citric acid.

Considering the purpose of the product… and the location of it’s use? I’m hoping there’s more of the flower and less of the acid.