Tag Archives: christmas

All I wanted for Christmas…

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Was for the Barn Mahal bar to be finished. Seeing that we came home and discovered its beginning framework in place in mid November….

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I didn’t think that would be too much to ask. But alas, our builder didn’t agree.

Oh, he’s sent updates via text messages.

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Like the layout of the rough unfinished boards on his shop floor.

I thought the 3 graduating colors would be interesting…

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Until he sent the next update of those boards being sanded and glued. Bye bye color.

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He assures me work is progressing steadily and that he hasn’t forgotten us, but it seems the only way I’ll be bellying up for a toddy will be like this:

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Cheers!

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Random winter scenes.

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One of these things is not like the others.

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Which makes me wonder what that poor bird did to be ostracized.

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And speaking of wild turkeys, did you know they make excellent snow shovelers?

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We cleared the path but they’re enlarging the dining room.

And speaking of paths…

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Now that the man cave is being readied, more shoveling is required after every storm.

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Welcome… one and all.

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Aside from the wreaths on our home’s windows, this was the extent of my lackluster Christmas decorating this year.

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Snowflakes lights in the Barn Mahal. Battery powered and on a timer.

Ho! Ho! Hum…

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And while Christmas will feel a lot different this year, there are some things to look forward to.

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Random Christmas things that made me laugh.

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Cats rule.

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Thank you kitty, I’ve always hated that elf.

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Ah, Facebook. Why your algorithms think I’m in constant need of this product is a mystery I fear I’ll never solve.

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On the bright side, packing for that trip won’t take as long this year.

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Yes Karen… He’s talking to you.

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Chicken Godzilla. Rampaging through a Christmas village near you…

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It’s 2020…. kiss your visions of sugarplums goodbye.

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Gifts for the booze hounds in your life.

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Christmas is right around the corner and you need a gift for that certain tipsy someone. Allow me to put forth a few suggestions…

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40 bottles should satisfy even the most hardcore wino on your list.

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Wine on the go? It’s definitely an upgrade from that brown paper bagged Manischewitz and Boones Farm you drank as a teenager.

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Because who among us hasn’t lost a perfectly good glass of the grape in the grass?

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Sipping while dipping?

Sign me up.

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I’ve actually tried these, they’re brilliant.

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I’m so down with this. A carry on margarita is a beautiful thing.

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This looks like an intriguing way to chill your beer.

And they can double as drum sticks when Back in Black comes on the radio. A win win.

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A bar and a tree.

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Next week a contractor will be here to build a bar in our barn.

Yes, you read that correctly, a contractor… one we will pay. Actual money. That surprised me since the husband has does most of the Barn Mahal construction himself, but this guy also built the bar at our local pub… so instead of having a spouse made amateur facsimile, we’ll have a serious bar.

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With these giant extremely heavy boards the husband has kept from the original framing back in 2012.

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The boards that have been moved, shifted, relocated, bumped into and cursed for 8 long years…. so all I can say is, yay.

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Of course the other day we had to move them one last time.

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Because my other half wanted to get an idea what the future boozer would look like.

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And yes, that’s a driftwood Christmas tree on the right.

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My girlfriend made it, used it one year, then gave it to me for our porch. Unfortunately we experience a cross breeze from our neighbor’s field equivalent to the Ames research center wind tunnel NASA uses to test its rockets. That tree literally flew. Which is generally not what you want Christmas decorations to do.

So it’s been inside the barn for a few years and despite my pleading that it would be a nice addition to the bar room, husband wants it gone.

Tons of useless rusty crap? He’ll find the room. One unique and quirky decorative tree? Bye bye.

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Pandemic humor

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Admit it, you need to laugh as much as I do.

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Yeah, I hate when that happens.

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I’ve never had the pleasure, but from the tone of the reviews…. I’m going to pass.

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Karen.

That bitch is trying my patience.

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Am I the only one who’s slightly freaked out by this…?

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Stop bogarting the Oreos fat boy. Christmas is about sharing….

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2020.

It’s the only explanation.

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Notebooks we all need.

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Just in time for Christmas … I bring you the perfect stocking stuffers.

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That one’s bound to fill up in no time.

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I am so buying this for my husband.

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Who in their right mind would want written proof of that?

Pass.

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I may need 3 or 4 of these.

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If you have an extra world take over plan kicking around, feel free to share. Mine are usually hatched after a pitcher of margaritas and tend to be less strategically sound when read sober.

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No comment.

Hard pass.

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Reason? When have I ever needed one of those…

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Pandemic humor.

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Because you have to laugh. Or at least I do..

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Nothing worse than a wannabe.

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I’m not sure I needed permission, but thanks anyway.

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Poor Rexy.

How the heck did he eat a taco?

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As rabid as some people have been during this election cycle, it wouldn’t surprise me.

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True.

We were going to retire and travel. Now I get excited if the grocery store has toilet paper.

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The perfect holiday ornament for a truly shitty year.

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Did you know….

 

There’s a school in Reykjavik, Iceland that teaches you how to spot elves?

I did, because….

 

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Yes, you can enroll  here  and start learning all there is to know about trolls, fairies, gnomes and other assorted mythical creatures.

 
Admit it.
You want to go.

Did you know...

The tongues of flamingos were a common delicacy at ancient Rome feasts?

 

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Apparently Nero thought so as well.

 

Did you know.

The word misteltoe derives from the Anglo-Saxon words mistel and tan?

Mistel means dung…. and tan means twig. So the next time you steal a kiss at Christmas? You’ll be doing it under a dung twig.

Can’t get much more romantic than that.

 

 

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Did you know….

The band Steely Dan got it’s name from a William Bourroughs book called Naked Lunch.

Steely Dan III was a strap on dildo.

 

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Which gives an entirely new meaning to this meme.

 

(Yes, all the above statements are true.

Knowledge is a wonderful thing!)