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This first one is sure to be a favorite on Valentines Day.
.
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Because nothing says I love you like petrified beef.
.
.
Good God, do these things still even exist?
Please, for the love of all that’s holy… no.
.
.
For when you really want to throw down like Hamlet.
.
.
This.
This is really what’s wrong with America. We’re too damn lazy to sit up.
.
.
Pfft. I call foul.
Everyone knows Alfred Von Wigglebottom wouldn’t be caught dead on anything less than Danish Modern.
.
Because someone has to laugh, and it might as well be you.
Ya gotta love Madison Avenue….
Simple ads are always the best.
As was I.
So where is it?
I don’t have any personal experience with this, but I can see their point.
Well those don’t look at all bunion friendly.
Now why didn’t I think of that?
As good an explanation as any.
Because cleanliness is so important.
Flipping through O magazine the other day (I get it free, don’t judge) I realized Oprah and I disagree about a few things.
Most importantly, her list of must have items.
She might find these necessary and affordable, but I don’t.
Seriously? Bragging about your house manager Eddie and his cocktail mixing prowess is bad form. Especially when we peons are occasionally forced to drink cocktails from can.
Let’s forget the revolting sounding ‘flavor capsule’…. why in the world would I pay $350 to have a machine mix my drink.
My local pub’s bartender does a fine job and he never expects that big a tip.
$70 for a bottle.
To put alcohol and fruit in.
Call me classy, but a mason jar works just as well for a lot less.
Good grief.
$195 so my selfies can be better lighted?
I’m 55 and menopausal. No one wants to see that any more clearly than they already have.
Oprah redeemed herself slightly with this last pick.
It’s been a while since I shopped at Talbots, but I could probably rock a pair of these.
Cheers!
I mean really.
It physically hurt.
But I was with the husband and he looked at me like I was a lunatic when I told him I needed to try on a pair.
Damn.
I could totally have rocked these during mud season.
Because really….
It’s like they made them with me in mind.
Think how handy they’d be if you’d had one too many.
Instead of stumbling over that seven syllable cocktail name you could just throw your foot up on the bar and point.
Yes.
I could totally rock those kicks.
While I’m sure there are thousands of people using their forced quarantine time at home to be useful and productive….
I can honestly say I’m not one of them.
I’m not learning a new language, sewing masks for the homeless or even organizing my shoe closet.
What… you don’t have a closet solely devoted to shoes?
What I am doing is cooking.
And eating.
Trying new recipes.
And eating.
Resurrecting old recipes.
And eating.
Making up recipes.
And eating.
Are you noticing the trend here?
That sounds about right.
And while I had been dieting and exercising and lost 20 odd pounds before the virus locked me inside with the refrigerator?
Yeah.
That’s pretty much where I am now.
And that’s probably where I’ll be when this whole mess is over.
Now if you’ll excuse me, there are some double fudge caramel brownies in the kitchen that look lonely.
We can’t have that.
There are two distinct collections in what used to be the lunatic asylum building… The Abby Aldrich Rockefeller Folk Art Museum and the DeWitt Wallace Decorative Arts Museum.
It’s a bit fluid when you enter…
And since it was the Christmas season I wasn’t surprised to see one of these.
Please note there’s a chicken instead of an angel on the top. I’m not sure what that means, other than there might be a secret cult of barnyard fowl practicing nearby. Which lead me to Google image search ‘religious chicken’ and then I was off….
Yes….
I’m easily distracted… but you have to admit,
This architect had a sense of humor.
And now back to your regularly scheduled program:
The story behind it was interesting.
Me like.
Though I doubt I’ll be making my own or buying the book.
And opposite the festive tree?
Implements of death….
Because nothing says holiday cheer like various ways to kill each another.
But even I have to admit they were beautiful specimens.
And if you look closely, you can see the scowling face on the bottom of the grip.
I read the DeWitt has the largest collection of southern furniture in the world…
And I believe it.
There were rows and rows of unique examples.
There were also some fabulous fashions of the day.
And yes…
Shoes!
And if that wasn’t wonderful enough… there was 300 year old fabric.
And a vintage runway.
Those little harlots.
Did you see how much ankle she was showing?
Shameless!
Day 6 found us in getting a late start in Sandwich.
At a museum filled with glass.
For 62 years beginning in 1825, Deming Jarvis’s glass factory put this little Massachusetts town on the map.
The history of glass was on display…
And some of it was fascinating.
Parts of the museum are interactive…
And we timed it just right to witness a glass blowing demonstration…
Which I thought I’d videoed, but apparently didn’t.
Either way, the chandelier hanging overhead was impressive. Though I’d hate to have to dust it.
Glass..
Glass.
And more glass.
Well, what did you expect…
Yes!
Chickens!
Lots…
And lots of glass chickens.
Clearly they knew I was coming.
They were salts…
And paperweights…
Art glass…
And breast pipes.
Yes.
There was even a bosom shell….
Which I’m sure was very comfortable.
There was also a lily foot shoe..
And the chance to have dinner with a dead man.
Who could pass that up?
A woodpecker pecks wood 12,000 times a day.
But I did, because…
Did you know…
Welsh mercenary bowmen in the medieval period only wore one shoe at a time?
Well, you have to admit, a pair will definitely last longer that way.
Did you know…
The liquid inside a young coconut can be used as a substitute for blood plasma in an emergency?
It’s official.
I shall never bleed out…
Did you know…
During his lifetime, Herman Melville’s classic novel of the sea Moby Dick only sold 50 copies?
That’s a frighteningly small number of Dicks….
Did you know…
Alfred Hitchcock did not have a belly button?
It’s true, but you have to admire his work out routine.
Did you know…
Apollo 11 only had 12 seconds of fuel left when it landed?
That’s some high tech NASA equipment right there.
Did you know…
Babe Ruth wore a cabbage leaf under his hat to keep his head cool and changed it every two innings?
Why not…
Anything beats eating it.
Stupid products. They’re everywhere…
Even here.
I heard you. You think gas filters aren’t stupid?
Well, this one is for your butt.
The bad part of a fart?
Pray tell, what exactly is the good part…
For those of you who were looking for the perfect stocking stuffer for Xmas this year?
Next… no tie shoelaces.
Because yes, apparently we really are that lazy.
On first glance this looked promising….
Until I remembered the best thing about making S’mores on a campfire is that you don’t have to clean up anything.
Can you imagine the mess that contraption would make in your oven? Melted chocolate and gooey marshmallow crystallizing and baking onto the racks?
Finally, I admit this last stupid product has infinite potential.
Now call me crazy, but a gentle reminder to change the toilet paper is not the first thing that came to mind when I thought of recording a message.
No…
I want more bang for my buck and was thinking more along the lines of the Tidy Bowl Man yelling “Incoming!”….. or an upper class British accent begging you not to make a second trip to the buffet at Taco Loco.
As I said, infinite possibilities.
River's world..... 