Tag Archives: shopping

New is not always improved.

 

You never know what the grocery store will be out of these days.

I haven’t seen flour for weeks, unless it’s made from something ghastly. At this point, dehydrated tofu/arugula flour wouldn’t surprise me.

Along with the lack of everyday items comes the strange substitutions.

Some, I can live with.

 

 

Peach and almond dish soap? Sure.

Legume pastas? Not so much.

 

 

Colorful? Yes.

Tasty? I doubt it.

 

 

Yes, these horrors are still on the shelf.

Though that shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone.

I couldn’t find my regular orange juice last trip and had to home with this.

 

 

And all I can say is the fruit might have ripened on the tree…. but the flavor leeched out on the way to the bottle. A less fruity fruit juice you’re not apt to find.

Then there was this, that the husband simply had to buy when the peanut butter shelf was empty.

 

 

Roasted watermelon seed butter.

WTF?

 

 

”  ‘In with the new’  kinda day” ?

This abomination looks like beige spackling paste and smells half as appetizing. Needless to say the other half had one sandwich and called it good.

Did I mention it was $17 a jar?

A new scent of soap made its way to the shelves and being a mango lover, I had high hopes.

 

 

Sadly there was a lot more butter than mango in this product and unless you have a sudden urge to smell like a hot bucket of movie theater popcorn? I’d steer clear.

And finally, there were Pete and Gerry’s eggs.

 

 

What happened to Ben….

Good God, is my Cherry Garcia in peril?

 

 

Gerry… go back to Ben.

Substitutions are not always acceptable.

 

This is what it’s come to.

 

During the plague and it’s subsequent lock down, women haven’t had many reasons to dress up.

No dinner out, no theater, no cocktail parties. Most of the time we’re schlepping around the house in our favorite yoga pants and a ratty tee shirt.

Trips to the grocery store are now big occasions. Outfits must be coordinated and accessorized accordingly.

So tell me, how’d I do?

 

me

 

Grey sweater, pink and grey floral mask.

I’m ashamed to admit I now have at least a dozen masks in assorted patterns and colors.

Pathetic, but what’s a girl to do? It’s the new fashion staple.

Nothing too exciting on the grocery store trip this time around…. there’s still no toilet paper.

 

 

 

Or flour, or soup.

But now we can add pasta to the list of hoarded items.

The only kind I could find?

 

 

Turmeric spaghetti.

To which I say not just no….

But Hell no.

Because it’s my duty to share these things.

 

You can thank me later.

 

 

I was flipping through a magazine the other day and saw this little blurb of a review.

 

 

Needless to say, I was perplexed.

Buttne?

Exfoliating ass masks?

Excuse me while I crawl back under my rock where such things don’t exist.

 

 

Yes…. it’s a real thing.

And according to the description? Will get your behind ready for prime time.

 

 

Here’s a helpful product review.

 

 

So if you’re looking for a new beauty regime… or if your posterior just needs a little freshening up?

You know who to thank.

No soup for you!

 

I ventured out to the grocery store again this morning and was feeling a bit gangsta.

 

 

Although in retrospect, a pink butterflied gangsta probably wasn’t all that frightening.

Still no toilet paper or flour on the shelves…. and may I just say?

This is getting old.

It’s been what, almost 2 months since the virus started spreading? Come on people…. the supply chain is still moving, food is still available. Stop the panic buying FFS!

Today?

 

 

The soup Nazi made an appearance.

 

 

Apparently, the run on soup has begun.

 

 

Unless you want creamy cauliflower or butternut squash.

There was plenty of that.

 

 

Ya gotta love ’em….

 

Cheap knock offs.

We’ve all seen them, we’ve all cringed.

Here are some that might make you laugh as well.

 

IMG_2968

 

Clearly these are Thin Mints fatter cousins.

 

IMG_2969

 

Arm and Hatchet…

When you’re really serious about getting rid of refrigerator odors.

 

IMG_2966

 

Big Fella?

Come on…. it’s like they’re not even trying.

 

IMG_2967

 

Nut Master!

I can’t even….   🤣 🤣 🤣

 

IMG_2973

 

For those days when your hamburger needs more than a helper.

 

IMG_2971

 

Sorry…

But my mind went to a bad place with this one.

 

IMG_2972

 

I’m going out on a limb here and guessing this wasn’t made in Massachusetts.

And finally, from Wal Mart….. the king of knock offs.

 

IMG_2970

 

Because no one could be bothered to think up a real name for it.

I’m suddenly glad that I don’t drink coffee.

 

Because I saw this in the store a while back….

 

IMG_2926

 

And have to admit it was a little frightening.

 

 

For anyone interested in a life threatening coffee experience, you can find it here.

 

IMG_2927

 

Their advertising tag line is “It will wake the dead”…. so please be careful who you give it to.

The world has enough overly caffeinated zombies as is.

 

Things I learned while grocery shopping.

 

I ventured out of my lock down burrow yesterday and went grocery shopping for the first time in 21 days. It was quite a learning experience.

I learned Wal Mart has a bizarrely convoluted maze of barricades at the entrance so you can’t use the same door as those who are exiting. They have staff wiping down carts, cashiers wiping down check out lanes and six foot distancing markers on the floors. The one thing they didn’t have?

A single employee wearing a mask.  To which I say…. WTH?

At my second stop, a grocery chain called Shaws…. I learned there are 2 staff members with clickers and clipboards counting customers at the entrance so no more than 75 people can be in the store at the same time. They have arrows for one way aisles, distancing markers at the checkout and a ban on bringing reusable bags from home. The one thing they didn’t have?

A single employee wearing a mask. To which I say…. WTF?

I got hollered at for putting my groceries on the check out conveyor belt too soon, by a cashier who wouldn’t wear a mask. Smarten up people! Half measures are no measures. We need to get on top of this thing…. my local pub misses me!

Other things I learned?

I don’t look good in a mask.

 

IMG_3171 (2)

 

And there’s still no toilet paper.

 

IMG_3176

 

Anywhere.

There was plenty of deodorant, but no toothpaste…. because apparently clean minty breath is more important than body odor during pandemics.

You want flour?

 

IMG_3174

 

Sorry, no can do.

Oh, there are full shelves here and there.

 

IMG_3173 (2)

 

But they’re filled with such things as Tumeric pasta and….

 

IMG_3172

 

Yeah.

There was no shortage of those.

This item was fully stocked as well.

 

IMG_3175

 

Clearly I’m not the only one who hates cilantro.

I also learned you can’t wear reading glasses while sporting an N95 mask. Nope. If you do…. those little suckers will fog up like the back of your teenage boyfriend’s Chevy van on prom night.

I came home with something I didn’t want or need simply because I couldn’t read the damn thing.

Yay me.

I also learned that if you’re menopausal and prone to hot flashes? You’re not going to enjoy going out in public for the foreseeable future.

The mask I wore is great, it filters out all the harmful particles… but breathing through it? Not so great.

I overheated to a temperature approaching the surface of the sun within 5 minutes…. then turned a bright feverish red and had to finish shopping quickly before I melted into a puddle in the dairy section.

Think I’m kidding?

 

IMG_E3179

 

Nope.

 

IMG_E3180 (2)

 

Not kidding.

I’m not sick, just splotchy. Honest!

 

I have a question.

 

So if someone could tell me what this is?

That would be great.

 

IMG_2924

 

Because I was out shopping with a girlfriend a month ago and found something on the ladies clearance rack I can’t explain.

 

 

Let’s ignore the fact it’s butt ugly.

And there’s a random patch of black lace on a sweatshirt.

Let’s also ignore the clashing colors of the plastic gewgaws on the breast.

 

IMG_2923

 

What. The. Utter. F*ck?

Is there a group of low limbed mutant women roaming my state?

 

 

Or maybe they have 4 arms….. and can’t decide if they want to go sleeveless.

Either way, I can’t begin to fathom how anyone else would be able to wear this monstrosity.

 

Grocery store oddities.

 

Proof positive you can find blog fodder everywhere.

Not being a Slim Jim or pork rind fan I passed on these…

 

IMG_2914

 

I mean, hey… I like spicy food.

But not hot enough to make my pig squeal.

Then there was this –

 

IMG_2916

 

A clever ad gimmick for Walking Dead fans, but I can turn into a zombie by drinking just about anything.

No apocalypse necessary.

 

IMG_2917

 

I did buy these lemons.

Although I was little disappointed they didn’t have seed spitting lips.

Next time I’ll look for the GMO versions.

They’re always more interesting.

 

gmoderp

 

And finally, back to the liquor aisle.

While the name Screwball caught my attention….

 

IMG_2915

 

I could come up with no reasonable explanation for adding peanut butter to a perfectly good whisky.

That’s just wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

Because even turkeys get cold.

 

Our local feed store is a delightfully quirky place.

Owned and operated by a wonderful man who shares our love of critters, I always look forward to shopping there.

Case in point….

When a turkey chick failed to sell last year because it had a deformity of it’s wing? He adopted it.

The bird is now large, spoiled silly and something of a feed store mascot.

When the temperature drops to near freezing?

 

 

She comes inside and stays by the wood stove…

Because even turkey birds get cold.

 

 

 

Please note there are two chickens under the table as well.

I love my town!!