Very glad I bought bird seed the last time I went to the store.
Because if this batch isn’t kept happy….
It could get ugly.
Monthly Archives: April 2020
Because sometimes favors can make you cry.
My SIL called a month or so ago and said she was redecorating a room in her house. Living in Texas makes her homesick, so she asked if I could make copies of some of my father’s Maine paintings and mail them to her.
My late father was the Vice President of a Wall Street brokerage firm who relaxed as a weekend artist. He loved nothing more than sharing his work…. so I happily agreed.
Sadly, my father died a year after he retired and only had a short period of time to paint when we moved from New Jersey to Maine. We were very close, but that particular year was hard for me. It was transitional…. and moving to a rural Island where the only way off was by boat was a huge culture shock for a 15 year old city girl. I was knee deep in silly teenage angst and didn’t spend nearly enough time with him.
Something I will always regret.
So when I started pulling paintings?
I was a wreck.
My father died 41 years ago….
But I cried like it was yesterday.
Grief.
Sometimes it never lets go…..
Should I be worried?
As a rule, my husband is not a reader.
At work he has to read dry as dust government documents and regulations all day long …. so for relaxation at home? It’s usually mindless television.
He does however keep a steady supply of magazines for perusing while on the throne.
And since my late aunt ran a department at Time/Life, Time magazine has always been a staple.
My question is….
Should I be worried by what he’s reading this week?
Who? What! Why….?
Who would invent such a thing?
What would make them think this was a good idea?
And why would anyone ever want to buy it?
Wonder what I’m talking about?
It’s this:
Yes.
You read that correctly.
Brewers in Poland have developed a fermented beer made from the vaginal lactic acid of beautiful women.
Doesn’t that sound yummy?
If you want to read more about it….. here.
The entire idea is as ridiculous as it is disgusting, which is why I had to blog about it.
Because if this crap has to rattle around in my brain?
I need to make sure it rattles around in yours as well.
How rude.
Tell me….
Do you see it?
I look at it everyday and think, damn…. that’s just cruel.
Yes.
It’s the magazine bucket.
It’s mocking me.
Ya gotta love ’em….
Cheap knock offs.
We’ve all seen them, we’ve all cringed.
Here are some that might make you laugh as well.
Clearly these are Thin Mints fatter cousins.
Arm and Hatchet…
When you’re really serious about getting rid of refrigerator odors.
Big Fella?
Come on…. it’s like they’re not even trying.
Nut Master!
I can’t even…. 🤣 🤣 🤣
For those days when your hamburger needs more than a helper.
Sorry…
But my mind went to a bad place with this one.
I’m going out on a limb here and guessing this wasn’t made in Massachusetts.
And finally, from Wal Mart….. the king of knock offs.
Because no one could be bothered to think up a real name for it.
It’s snow good.
Ah, spring!
In Maine? We tend to do it differently.
Like last Thursday, when one of our woodchucks came out of hibernation and said wtf?
The deer weren’t too happy either.
And before we knew it, what was supposed to be a light flurry…..
Turned into a full blown storm.
Complete with heavy wet snow weighing down the trees..
And turning everything into a winter wonderland.
Spring.
It isn’t always green.
Things that make me say WTH?
Stupid products….
Keeping the American economy strong for decades.
The Crunch Cup. So you can drink your morning cereal…
Most important meal of the day? Maybe.
But you should know my husband’s cardiologist (the top rated man at the largest and best hospital in our state) said breakfast cereal is a top contributor to obesity and diabetes in this country. He won’t even allow it in his house.
So no cereal sippy cups for us.
Toaster bags.
Now I don’t know about you, but the day I’m too lazy to butter my bread?
I’ll just hang it up for good and take to my bed with a case of Patron.
No, this is not an iPhone ball delivery system for playing catch with Fido.
Pooch Selfies.
Kill me now.
Okay…. I can almost see the attraction here.
And while this may look a little odd?
The Guzzle Buddy has my name written all over it.
But this?
This is a bridge too far.
No.
Just… no.
I don’t know about you?
But a hydrated ass is the least of my worries right now.
Quarantine fever?
I don’t normally blog about my husband’s job.
He is a Fed after all, they might be listening.
But this morning he received a message from a man who was threatening to shoot drones out of the sky. While that in itself was troubling… the man’s explanation was even more so.
You see the drones were flying over his house and scanning him with infrared rays. He was wrapping himself in tin foil for protection while sleeping, but would soon run out of supplies.
Well, sure.
Who can blame him for being upset? Everyone knows the anal probe comes after the infrared rays….. and that’s enough to ruin anyone’s day.
The courthouse passed him off to the sheriff… who passed him off to the State Police… who passed him off to the husband’s office…. and now my other half has to deal with him.
Quarantine fever.
It’s driving them out of the woodwork.
Another subtle hint….
*Disclaimer – this post was written before the virus shut everything down*
A short time ago I wrote about the subtle hints that let you know you may be spending too much time at your local pub.
I’m afraid it’s ratcheted up considerably since then.
Let me preface this by saying it has been pointed out to me that sometimes.… I can be a little hard to take.
I know.
It’s shocking, but true.
So when I was being my usual charming self one afternoon in the recent past?
This:
A spoon figurine with his fork finger in the air was placed in front of me….
With a straw prominently placed so I couldn’t miss the message.
This leads me to believe the bartender/owner has become entirely too comfortable with yours truly.
Subtle hints.
It’s all about the subtle hints.
And just think…
I pay for this abuse!
River's world..... 