Wine.
We all love it, but it rarely makes us laugh.
Until now.
Best.
Wine.
Name.
Ever!
Tag Archives: drinking
Ah, summer.
Different day…
Different beverage….
Same deer paying absolutely no attention to us when we mow the lawn.
*Rest assured no alcoholic beverages were consumed while operating heavy machinery.
Or light machinery.
Or, Hell…. even the stove now that we bought a new grill.*
Life is good.
Pandemic humor.
Because you have to keep laughing.
That’s my plan.
If you have a better one, please share.
I wouldn’t doubt it at this point. Society does seem to be breaking down.
In Maine, a local reporter was interviewing random people last week, asking how they felt about the safety precautions … masks, social distancing, closures etc. When he asked a man who wasn’t wearing a mask… even though it was requested by the store and mandated by the town… the man spit on him.
That’s where we are.
So yeah… Godzilla really doesn’t seem too far fetched.
Dad jokes.
They’ll never die.
I hope so.
I certainly hope so.
Sunrise, pandemic rocks, great ideas and dirty birds.
A post of random trivial things that aren’t worthy of their own blog.
First, a sunrise photo a friend of mine took the other day.
She lives on a lake…. and I have to say that looks like a pretty sweet way to wake up.
Rocks?
Don’t mind if I do.
The Covid 19 versions someone cleverly painted.
Brilliant ideas?
Yes, they’re still out there.
See?
I found one.
These days social distancing is more important then ever….. so let’s commend those who go the extra mile.
What?
She doesn’t know where that bird has been.
Pandemic humor.
Because we all still need a laugh.
Now that’s just rude.
This looks like a great idea since I always whup the husband at gin rummy and he won’t play with me anymore.
*Note to self – borrow neighbor’s rooster*
I really do miss traveling.
Even if it’s just to the next town.
Indeed.
Yeah.
Gwyneth (correct spelling) can bite me.
( Did I already post this one? Maybe… but the sentiment holds true. )
Cats.
They think they know everything. It happens to be tequila.
Stuff it Mittens.
Jesus… neither do I!
We’re doomed.
Things that make me say WTH?
Stupid products….
Keeping the American economy strong for decades.
The Crunch Cup. So you can drink your morning cereal…
Most important meal of the day? Maybe.
But you should know my husband’s cardiologist (the top rated man at the largest and best hospital in our state) said breakfast cereal is a top contributor to obesity and diabetes in this country. He won’t even allow it in his house.
So no cereal sippy cups for us.
Toaster bags.
Now I don’t know about you, but the day I’m too lazy to butter my bread?
I’ll just hang it up for good and take to my bed with a case of Patron.
No, this is not an iPhone ball delivery system for playing catch with Fido.
Pooch Selfies.
Kill me now.
Okay…. I can almost see the attraction here.
And while this may look a little odd?
The Guzzle Buddy has my name written all over it.
But this?
This is a bridge too far.
No.
Just… no.
I don’t know about you?
But a hydrated ass is the least of my worries right now.
Did you know….
There’s a school in Reykjavik, Iceland that teaches you how to spot elves?
I did, because….
Yes, you can enroll here and start learning all there is to know about trolls, fairies, gnomes and other assorted mythical creatures.
Admit it.
You want to go.
Did you know...
The tongues of flamingos were a common delicacy at ancient Rome feasts?
Apparently Nero thought so as well.
Did you know.…
The word misteltoe derives from the Anglo-Saxon words mistel and tan?
Mistel means dung…. and tan means twig. So the next time you steal a kiss at Christmas? You’ll be doing it under a dung twig.
Can’t get much more romantic than that.
Did you know….
The band Steely Dan got it’s name from a William Bourroughs book called Naked Lunch.
Steely Dan III was a strap on dildo.
Which gives an entirely new meaning to this meme.
(Yes, all the above statements are true.
Knowledge is a wonderful thing!)
Hey bartender….
*Disclaimer – This blog was written before the viral pandemic shut everything down.*
The following are subtle clues that let you know you might be spending a little too much time at your local pub.
1. They greet you by name when you walk in, like they did with Norm at Cheers.
2. They discourage people from sitting in your favorite corner spot at the bar.
3. They hang a bell to ring when you give a good tip or buy a round.
But the least subtle clue of all?
When the bartender is about to place an order with a new small batch craft distillery…
And asks you which rum you’d prefer.
Grocery store oddities.
Proof positive you can find blog fodder everywhere.
Not being a Slim Jim or pork rind fan I passed on these…
I mean, hey… I like spicy food.
But not hot enough to make my pig squeal.
Then there was this –
A clever ad gimmick for Walking Dead fans, but I can turn into a zombie by drinking just about anything.
No apocalypse necessary.
I did buy these lemons.
Although I was little disappointed they didn’t have seed spitting lips.
Next time I’ll look for the GMO versions.
They’re always more interesting.
And finally, back to the liquor aisle.
While the name Screwball caught my attention….
I could come up with no reasonable explanation for adding peanut butter to a perfectly good whisky.
That’s just wrong.
Distancing…. A definition.
According to the dictionary, the definition of distancing is:
To make someone or something far off or remote in position.
Not a difficult concept… so maybe you can tell me why certain groups of people have such a hard time comprehending it.
( I realize I’m going to tick some readers off with this next part, but I’m sorry… the situation is ticking me off on a daily basis. )
The husband and I have been good little virus citizens. We stay home, alone…. and I have made 2 trips to the grocery store (and only the grocery store!) in the past 19 days.
This is the definition of social distancing… and if it’s what we have to do to save American lives? Then that’s what we’ll do.
So if I can’t go to my local pub and pray to the God of Tequila?
You can’t go to church and pray to yours.
My pub is closed. Shut up tight so groups can’t gather and spread infection. But your churches are wide open and hundreds are sitting side by side.
I know my bar stool misses me, but I can drink at home if I choose. So how about you choose to pray at home as well? I know it’s possible, my mother did it every night.
Here are a few examples of what’s currently ticking me off –
Our daughter of the heart posted a state of North Carolina alert which listed churches as “essential” places that could remain open.
In Washington state 60 people attended a church choir practice. 45 of them now have the virus, and 2 of them are dead.
A pastor from Louisiana said closing churches would be “discrimination against the faith”.
Coincidence that 12 days after he said this the number of positive cases in that state skyrocketed?
Maybe.
But for shepherds who are supposed to care for their flocks?
The two small churches in our town are offering online video sermons and outreach through social media. That’s the correct way to practice distancing and tend to your flock at the same time.
Common sense will get us through this.
Let’s try to have some.
River's world..... 