I’ve been so busy posting vacation photos I fear I’ve been neglecting my ever loyal, and extremely prolific spam contributors.
Let’s take a look, shall we?
Tag Archives: blogging
The internet is a funny old thing….
I had to laugh yesterday when I checked my stat page and saw that something called The Cape Cod Daily News was listed as a referrer.
Since we just got back from a trip to the Cape, (and yes, we tend to be talkers and meet a lot of people) I was wondering which one had found me.
Not to mention how.
Because while I am a girl, it may surprise you to learn that my real name is not actually River.
Shocking, I know.
And it’s not like I start conversations with strange people by saying, “You really should check out my blog at WordPress. There’s plenty of woodchuck drivel for everyone.”
So I perused the Cape Cod Daily News site and found this:
I had tagged Cape Cod, so they included my post.
Now I can only imagine the reaction of the poor native Cape Codders who clicked on it and found me channeling Khaled. That couldn’t have been pleasant.
And while I won’t tag Cape Cod this time… because let’s face it, I’m basically making fun of what they consider news…. the coastal cities residents are going to rue the day when Cape Cod Daily puts that action to work when I start my latest vacation series photo blitz.
There’s bound to be rocks.
Won’t they be thrilled?
Scrambling…
No, not eggs.
Vacations.
You see, for the entire year my husband has been saying he’s going to retire in December. He also forbade me to book any vacations because he works for the Federal Government and can sell back his leave when he goes.
(He gets 5 weeks off every year, so the payout can be substantial.)
Except now that the day is rapidly approaching, he decided he’s going to work a little longer.
Yes, his reasoning is sound.
- The old boss he hated has left and been replaced with a laid back, drama free manager.
- Starting next year, they’re going to push teleworking from home 2-3 days a week…. and since he already works four 10 hour days, it will probably be a 1 day a week commute.
- Good benefits.
- Good pay.
- The ability to dump more in our TSP (Thrift Savings Plan, the government’s answer to a company matching IRA).
I get it.
I do…
But our retirement plan was to travel, and I’d like him to be semi-mobile and breathing without a respirator when we do. (Hauling a corpse in and out of resort elevators is such a drag.)
But back to the scrambling….
It’s almost the end of the year and I don’t have much time to plan and book 5 weeks worth of vacations before time runs out. It’s not easy with the holidays right around the corner. We have a timeshare on a points system and can go anywhere, but since he’s waited so long to request time off, he can’t get more than a week at a time…. which leaves out long distance trips. I hate spending 2 days flying back and forth for only 4 days on site. With the price of tickets these days, it’s not worth it.
So thanks to WordPress’s magic scheduling ability, as you read this… we are currently returning from a week at a ski resort in the western mountains of Maine.
That’s right Lionel, I haven’t been here for a week and you didn’t even miss me.
God bless technology.
Did we ski? Hell no, it’s too early for that… even in Maine. But it’s a beautiful area and I’m sure we explored. And drank. And took pictures.
The deluge of photos will begin shortly….
You’ve been warned.
An open letter to 1800PetsAndVets and Discount Coupons Now….
Dear Pets and Coupons,
While I thoroughly applaud your tenacious natures, the madness must stop. Save us both some time and aggravation and cease your current cycle of repetitive following. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I don’t allow my reader list to be clogged with random businesses, and will continue to zap you on a thrice daily basis.
If you’re people who actually reads my blogs?
Great! Drop a comment so I know there’s a real live human being behind the clicks… and I’ll welcome you aboard.
But Pet, from the look of your page….
You’re a bot and I won’t tolerate those just to juice my numbers… or my ego.
I remove you both every single day. Multiple times…and still, you return.
It’s become a game. Morning Follow… Morning Zap. Afternoon Follow… Afternoon Zap. Evening follow… Evening Zap. Well, I’m getting a little tired of playing.
Let this serve as a warning, I have an infinite amount of patience and will outlast you.
Yup.
That’s me.
So please….
And let me go.
Sincerely yours,
Rivergirl
Let’s Liebster….
I’d like to thank the Academy….
The Liebster Award is an award that exists only on the internet and is given to bloggers by other bloggers. The earliest case of the award goes as far back as 2011. Liebster in German means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.
The award is a way to be discovered but also to connect and support the blogging community. A great idea in promoting your own blog and others. Originally it was given out to blogs with less than 2000 readers but this has slowly lowed as the reward has gained popularity. It is now only 200 readers or less. It’s really an arbitrary number. If you like helping other blogs out go ahead and do it regardless of its size.
With thanks to Rebecca Wallick at wildsensibility for the nomination….. ( I’m not sure sweetest and endearing are the first words people think of when my blog comes to mind, but hey. I’ll take praise where and when I can. )
If you love dogs, natural splendor and stunning scenic photographs, check out Rebecca’s page. She’s got them all in spades.
Onward!
You know the rules… I have to answer questions. Which I shall do with the utmost amount of seriousness.
1. What typically is the closest object on your right when you’re writing (not including a computer mouse)?
You’ll probably be sorry you asked that… but it’s a poop drone.
And yes, of course it flies.
2. What one-sentence bit of advice would you give to your 13-year-old self?
At 13… I was a shy little thing. Reticent to open my mouth or make my presence known. (Hard to believe, I know) So I would probably tell her…. Dance! Jump off that pier! Sing with the band! Say yes to all the adventures life lays before you and don’t worry so much about what other people think. By the time you’re sitting here blogging about it? It will be too late.
3. Describe your ideal writing space and place (assuming money isn’t an issue).
For me… that would be a treehouse.
A glam treehouse, with a frozen margarita machine and a never ending supply of tequila and limes. Surrounded by nature and the songs of birds, that’s where I’d like to be.
4. What is your most frequent photographic subject?
That changes depending on the season.. and my moods. Lately?
It’s a woodchuck who looks like Jabba the Hut.
5. Favorite quote?
“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
With…. “I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.” coming in a close second.
Ole Dorothy Parker knew her stuff.
6. What does blogging (writing, and reading) add to your life?
A sense of connection. It’s like reaching my hand out across the globe and touching people I would never have otherwise met. (And by touching, I’m speaking metaphorically. Don’t call the vice squad.)
7. If you could choose to be any animal for a 24-hour period, which would you be and why?
A wombat.
And I have no idea why.
8. Do you have other creative outlets besides writing?
I used to draw. I used to write poetry. I used to make dried flower wreaths. I used to cross stitch. I used to stamp. I used to paint. I used to dry brush ceramics. I used to do a lot of things. Now… I just take crazy pictures and blog.
And drink.
I drink very creatively.
Amen, Tyrion. Amen.
Okay, now I’m supposed to nominate blogs I think you should discover and make them answer questions as well.
Of course, if you know me… you know my questions won’t be normal. Where’s the fun in that?
So…
liveandlethtai at Paul Dance Writer
Clever Girl at Clever Girl Writes
Kathy at KNJ Tales and Snippets
You’re my chosen victims nominees.
Post these rules:
1. Acknowledge the blog which nominated you.
2. Answer the questions your nominator asked.
3. Nominate two to six other bloggers who might appreciate the boost.
4. Ask them several unique questions.
5. Let them know you have nominated them.
And answer these questions –
1. You’re a pigeon newly arrived in Hollywood. Who do you poop on first?
2. Donald Trump has been impeached. Mike Pence has been trampled to death at a gay pride parade. Nancy Pelosi has resigned her position and run off to Tahiti with a member of BTS. You’ve been chosen to be the next President of the United States. What’s your first executive order?
3. The Brussels Sprout is a much maligned ( and extremely gassy ) cruciferous vegetable. You run a PR firm and have just been hired to tweak it’s image. Go!
4. Your lifelong dream of being a stripper has come true. What’s your stage name?
5. Your cruise ship is sinking and you’ve scrambled onto a life raft only to realize it’s overloaded. What… or who… do you push overboard? A case of craft beer, your significant other, the oars, a beloved pet wombat, or the ship’s navigator ?
*Note – if you say beer or wombat, you are dead to me*
Yes, those really are the questions.
If you were expecting, “Name the most influential person in your life” or “What is your favorite memory of childhood” you’re reading the wrong blog.
We do things differently here.
Yes, I realize you can’t unsee that.
But if you’re struggling for a stripper name… feel free to be inspired.
Things I don’t like today… Part 3
I don’t like….
Weed wacking around one of our stone walls and having a frog jump out in front of me.
I swear I didn’t see him…
And literally cut him in half.
*Gulp*
I don’t like…..
Sitting at a bar and having a creepy disembodied head on a stick tied to a doll stare at me all night.
Like I need another reason to drink?
Ack!
I don’t like….
Being disappointed.
Remember when I posted about the miracle of my husband cleaning out the garage, and how the old sink he brought home from the dump was gone?
Yeah. I found it in the barn.
Very disappointing.
And finally,
I don’t like….
Pressure.
Since my husband can’t decide when he’s going to retire, he’s forbidden any travel this year so he can sell back his leave.
Doesn’t he realize I’m duty bound to blog our adventures?
Damn it…
Now someone will beat to me to it!
Okay, say what you want about goat balls…
But Sunday’s post about the fair ?
The one that featured that very well endowed male goat…..
Was my highest viewed blog since I joined WordPress last summer.
Go figure.
Not quite sure what that says about you lot…
But I may need to reevaluate my followers list.
A Blogiversary.
Happy 1rst blogiversary to me!
A little more enthusiasm would be nice but yes, it’s been one year to the day since I joined WordPress.
And while I certainly wasn’t a blog virgin….
It did take a little time for me to adjust to my new home.
WordPress is a larger and more diverse platform than my previous sites, and though it’s also filled with more businesses and spam than I was used to…. I admit I’m enjoying it more as well.
Blogging means different things to different people and my posts have certainly changed over the years. They used to be filled with personal details, family strife, and raw emotion …. but I was burned by that.
And switched to a light hearted, irreverent look at the world instead.
Yes.
That book really exists…
“Go behind the exam room door to experience the secret lives of doctors and patients. Enjoy Pap parties. Meet the Chlamydia Clown. Win a free kitten with your physical! In this laugh-till-you-cry health care handbook, you’ll learn how fun it is to be a doctor–and a patient.”
I haven’t read it…
But feel I should, and report back.
Finding a tribe of like minded odd balls has helped me settle in here.
So to all of you slightly disturbed souls I call friends…
The loons who regularly tune in for my mindless drivel?
I shall endeavor to provide more of the same high quality nonsense…
And continue to answer some of life’s most difficult questions.
Things I like today.
1. Kicking back on the barn porch on a summer evening after a long day of mowing and trimming the lawn?
Wonderful.
Margarita in a can?
Not so much.
But it’s alcohol.. with a view.
So I like.
2. With a shout out to Mona at Wayward Sparkles who introduced me to this marvelous piece of mechanical engineering)
I read her blog and thought, damn…. I have to have one.
And then I thought, gifts!
So I had to have 2 more.
Are you all here?
Good.
Viola!
A bell you can ring to summon the elixir of the Gods.
In pink no less!
I believe this little darling will be getting quite a work out at Casa River.
If only I could order the hot cabana boy to go with it…
I like.
And finally, ladies…
Do you have old, dry wood?
No, I’m not talking about your husbands.
We have stained wood moulding, doors, window frames and sills, and built in stained bookcases etc. basically every piece of trim is unpainted wood. They’re original to the house and tend to dry out/fade from sunlight and winter heating.
So I found this on Amazon –
Half a bottle did 12 doors and frames, 5 windows and frames and 2 large tables.
It’s good stuff. Witness the before and after…
Brings back the shine and feeds your thirsty wood with very little effort.
I like.
Thank you..
Thank you very much.
Zapped!
So I cruised my followers list the other day and did a bit of belated spring cleaning.
Good bye mortgage company people, how to make money online people, unique items you can’t find anywhere else people….
If you’re blatantly a business and have never commented, liked or read a single word I’ve posted?
You’re outta here.
I’ve been blogging for more years than I care to count, and while I enjoy WP immensely… I have to say I’ve never been on a site that has so much digital commerce.
For pity’s sake…. I have salesmen knocking on my door trying to sell me boxes of frozen meat. I have telemarketers calling nonstop trying to sell me car warranties and vinyl siding. I have girlfriends trying to rope me into attending a dinner party so they can sell me Pampered Chef products.
Enough already! My blog is a sales free zone.
And I’m zapping.
(Sorry, cleaning analogies are over. But that’s a chicken…
Riding a vacuum cleaner…
While laying an egg.
These things must be shared.)
If you’re selling Cryptocurrency?
Please move along.
That’s not my idea of blogging.
Then there are these people…
They set up a site but never use it.
Why do you bother, and why do you always follow me? I engage with my readers damn it!
So…
It’s surprising how many of these followers sneak in without you noticing.
When’s the last time you checked your list? I bet you have 50 or so lurking like I did.
Start zapping. It feels good to kick them to the curb….
Unless you’re one of those bloggers who needs a high follower count for personal validation.
Then by all means, you do you.
Feel free to have a bloated list.
I won’t judge.
Okay, maybe just a little.
The Meyer Briggs test said I have to…
P.S. Sometimes I write and schedule blogs upwards of a week in advance. Since writing this?
Five of the zapped are back.
Perhaps I’m more irresistible than I thought.
River's world..... 
I congratulate, what words… a remarkable idea
I believe this post consisted of making fun of Duluth Trading Post’s expensive underwear. Not such a remarkable idea really, but to each their own.
This question is not clear to me.
It’s beer.
I was getting it on.
I’m not sure how much clearer I could be….
I consider, that you commit an error. I can prove it. Write to me in PM, we will communicate.
I can’t honestly say I even remember what this post was about, but I’m pretty sure I don’t need to communicate with you about any of it’s errors. Geesh!
Attempt not torture.
Okay, I know the Liebsters are annoying, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say that they’re torture…
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While I’m a bit creeped out a site called ‘porn’ likes my blog, I’m more disturbed that they’re going to be careful of brussels. What did those innocent green sprouts ever do to them?
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And while you may say a lot of things about my blog…
Too complicated isn’t usually the first thing that comes to mind.
So ends the respite in between vacation post series.
Cape Cod here we come!
(Yes, it was a single post respite. Hope you enjoyed it!)