.
While I’m all for pampering and spoiling our pets..
.
.
No.
.
.
Just, no.
.
.
Bowzer’s manicure should not look better than mine… and look, even the dog hates it.
.
.
.
I want to know who looked at their cat’s ass one afternoon and thought, ” Hey, that will make a great coloring book”.
.
.
Mr. Whiskers is not amused.
And lastly, proof positive more isn’t always good… it’s just more.
.
.
Hell, I think I’m slipping into diabetic coma just looking at that.
.
.
Because I still need to laugh.
.
.
You think you’ve laid in enough supplies for the next Covid wave of panicked shoppers? Just imagine how much triple ply Charmin ole Rex would have needed.
.
.
That’s a distinct possibility.
.
.
Another possibility. At least in my neck of the woods.
.
.
That sounds like good advice.
.
.
Protection.
It’s not just for penises anymore…
.
.
#2 in the series of ‘I’m definitely not young and single anymore’. Otherwise known as Cosmopolitan magazine highlights.
Or lowlights, you decide.
Gentlemen?
You’ve been warned.
.
.
First up, a strawberry vagina.
.
.
Magical?
Yeah, I must be doing something wrong. And because there are probably other women like me?
Products.
.
.
Am I surprised they are named Honey Pot and Fur?
At this point, I am not.
.
.
This explains a lot about the current generation. I enjoyed moving out of my parents house, but maybe that was just me.
.
.
What brownie abomination is this?
No. Just…. no.
.
.
Wow. And I thought breaking up via text was bad….
Finally there was this:
.
.
Strategically placed mirror aside…. FaceTiming your gynecologist? I’m beginning to relish the fact I’m not in my twenties anymore.
P.S. … don’t be surprised when that cat starts having nightmares.
.
I know we’ve all become lazy housebound sods who can’t be bothered to put on pants during the pandemic, but this?
This is a bridge too far.
The day I’m too lazy to stir my own pan you have permission to slit my throat, fill it with kale and put me out of my misery.
And while I’m all for cocktails?
I have absolutely no intention of sharing my margaritas with llamas.
Nope.
Not happening.
Oh, yeah.
Kitty Hitler looks positively thrilled.
Let’s ponder this for a moment.
Someone thought about, invented, pitched, found investment capital and marketed….. a hammock for fish.
Is this a great country or what!
And finally…. when your dog no longer needs his collar of shame?
Viola!
You can re-purpose it in the kitchen.
You’re welcome.
Because laughter is literally the only medicine.
I haven’t walked into a bar in 142 days.
Let that sink in…. and tell me pigs aren’t flying somewhere.
Correct signage has never been more important.
I’m beginning to notice a trend.
He’s right.
We probably are.
Finally, a way to make men wear masks!
Thank you Katie.
And if all that was too depressing, let me leave you with this…..
You’re welcome.
Because we all still need a laugh.
Now that’s just rude.
This looks like a great idea since I always whup the husband at gin rummy and he won’t play with me anymore.
*Note to self – borrow neighbor’s rooster*
I really do miss traveling.
Even if it’s just to the next town.
Indeed.
Yeah.
Gwyneth (correct spelling) can bite me.
( Did I already post this one? Maybe… but the sentiment holds true. )
Cats.
They think they know everything. It happens to be tequila.
Stuff it Mittens.
Jesus… neither do I!
We’re doomed.
I know tax time can be a stressful time of year, even now when the deadline has been rolled back.
And I know some people are still anxiously awaiting their stimulus checks.
But please, can we all just take a breath and have a little common decency?
The following is a recent FB post from the mother of a friend of mine. She’s a widow in her 70’s who works for H&R Block at tax time to supplement her fixed income.
The fact that she even has to say this saddens me.
So please, calm down.
We’re all in this together.
Even the tax accountants.
In case you haven’t already guessed, there was not a single wine filter gift to be had in the entire state of Virginia…. so the only thing left to do was drown my sorrows at the Yorktown Pub.
This unassuming little place got great reviews and had been recommended to us by numerous people so we gave it a try.
While it’s definitely a no frills local hangout….
The riverfront views were lovely.
The feral cats were friendly….
Plentiful, and well fed by the bar owners and staff.
And while the cocktail list was basic?
The drinks were tasty, potent and cheap.
What more can a girl ask?
Good food.
The husband’s weird combination of chicken fingers and mixed veggies looked odd but he was happy with it…. and my fried shrimp were quite honestly the best I’ve had in years. Fresh, juicy, and perfectly cooked with a light crisp batter. Add homemade tartar sauce, some marvelous fries and another cocktail?
And River was a happy camper.
Long live beer diversity!
And cheap meals.
Since the sun was setting…
We took a stroll along the water.
Hand in hand…
Enjoying the scenery…
And the non traditional ways we choose to spend the holidays.
Different places.
Different sights.
Different sounds.
Different experiences.
And never a dull moment.
Language.
By definition, the method of human communication.
Glorious varieties abound, so let’s take a look at some foreign words you may not be familiar with… and their meanings.
Shemomedjamo (Georgian)
You know when you’re really full, but your meal is just so delicious, you can’t stop eating it? The Georgians feel your pain. This word means, “I accidentally ate the whole thing.”
I don’t know about you..
But I have totally shemomedjamo’d in my day.
Backpfeifengesicht (German)
A face badly in need of a fist.
Oh, I think we’ve all met a few of those.
Faamiti (Samoan)
To make a squeaking sound by sucking air past the lips in order to gain the attention of a dog or child.
I’d just call it a whistle, but who am I to argue with a Samoan?
(Okay… so I was looking for a GIF of a big bad Samoan warrior when this popped up. Big bad Samoan bat will kick your *ss!)
Gigil (Filipino)
The urge to pinch or squeeze something that is irresistibly cute.
I have this every time I watch the movie Magic Mike…
But maybe that’s just me.
Lagom (Swedish)
Maybe Goldilocks was Swedish? This slippery little word is hard to define, but means something like, “Not too much, and not too little, but juuuuust right.”
*See above comment and picture of Magic Mike cast*
Zeg (Georgian)
It means “the day after tomorrow.” OK, we do have “overmorrow” in English, but when was the last time someone used that?
Never.
No one has ever used overmorrow in my presence…. and I want you all to start right now.
(Proof positive there is a meme for everything)
Leaving Hyannis, we headed out on Route 28 towards Dennisport.
Past marshes…
Windswept grasses…
And homes that perch along the shores.
With weathered shingles and wide porches to catch the breeze and the views.
These are the homes I think of when I envision the Cape.
Fabulous places built to withstand the elements.
And windmills?
No, not usually. But we saw quite a few of them.
As well as homes with their very own lighthouses.
Tell your mother in law her bedroom is up there and see how often she comes to visit.
But enjoying the scenery is hard work, so…
Lunch….
At Clancy’s in Dennisport.
Perched on the Swan River….
We dined, and drank… with a view.
And since cranberries rule in the Cape…
I had the Cape Cod cranberry mule.
Along with some rich creamy chowder…
And a wonderful scallop roll I forgot to photograph until I had demolished it.
I know.
But hey, I was hungry… be happy you got soup.
And a picture of the pretty ladies room sinks…
With free salt rub, that the bartender told us everyone steals. Bowl, saucer, spoon et al.
WTH ladies?
Share with your sisters.
River's world..... 