Don’t worry, I’m sure there will be other opportunities in the future. And if they auction off his old toothbrush you could always harvest a little DNA, grow a clone and start a billion dollar company in your own garage.
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#1?
The peanut butter cookie… to which I have but one word.
Blech!
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Foot Botox. Why can’t rich people just take a piece of sandpaper to their heels like the rest of us.
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I most definitely do not.
Nope. Not in the least.
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That’s a hat?
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I know there’s a lot of down time while on stakeout or speed trap duty…. but that seems a bit extreme.
I’m going to give away a secret here so listen up.
For years I couldn’t bake a decent cookie to save my life.. and believe me it wasn’t for lack of trying. No matter what recipe I tried, no matter what miracle pan I used they either came out of the oven a gooey sugar filled mess or something resembling a hockey puck.
And then…
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Then I found them. The absolutely easiest, most perfect, even River can’t screw them up cookies.
Four ingredients. Four minutes prep and viola!
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Sublime every time. Trust me, those are soft baked little circles of heaven right there. And because I live to spread joy…. I’ll share.
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So far I have made lemon, chocolate, strawberry, spice, orange and butter pecan. And they were all fabulous, no hockey stick required. I’ve even started branching out by adding flavor extracts to the plain yellow mix … last night, almond.
You can’t beat a Thin Mint. To my mind, it’s the ultimate cookie.
Put the box in the fridge, eat with a cold glass of milk. Perfection.
While I do enjoy the occasional Girl Scout Lemonade and Toffee-tastic … those pint size femme fatales are pulling out all the stops this year and introducing a new cookie to tempt me.
I’ve been known to pepper my speech with the occasional four letter word… but by far, the worst one to ever cross my lips was diet.
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I was a normal sized child, a small teenager and a slim but curvy young adult. 110 lbs when I married my husband, and though I would positively kill for that figure today? Nature got in the way.
I gained a little weight at 35, but no problem. I hardly noticed it.
I gained a little weight at 40, and okay.. maybe I went up a size (or two).
But then I had a hysterectomy at 52 and gained a whole lotta weight. Being forced into menopause wrecked me and my body was no longer my own. No matter what type of diet or exercise I tried, the weight stayed on.
Next up was Covid lockdown with my husband teleworking and me cooking 24/7, so yeah. Another 10lbs.
And if that wasn’t bad enough? I blew my knee out last October. Damaged my MCL and ended up with a deep root radial meniscal tear… the worst kind. The kind that doesn’t heal. The kind that keeps you off the treadmill and plonks you on the couch. 10 more pounds and I’ve just about lost the will to live. Yoga pants are my friend and my clothes are silently mocking me from the closet.
I’m tired.
Tired of being overweight.
Tired of Covid ruining our travel retirement plans.
Tired of killer knee pain every single day.
Tired of the ugliness in the world.
Tired of the political and cultural divide in this country.
But most of all?
I’m tired of diets.
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So to Hell with it. I’m happily married and don’t need to impress anyone. My health is good despite the ##lbs I’ve put on since I hit 50.
River's world..... 