Tag Archives: humor

Sedgley Place

 

Dinner with friends a while back was here.

 

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A renovated old Federal House built in 1786.

Getting a reservation is tough as they only do 3 seatings a night, but it’s well worth the wait.

Walking in, I’m always struck by the low ceilings and even lower lamp placement.

 

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I know we were a shorter race of people back in 1786…

But were we that short?

 

 

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There was a raucous crowd of 95 downstairs, celebrating someone’s 50th birthday. I would dearly have loved to join them, ( some arrived in a hearse!)  but our waitress escorted us up the stairs.

 

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To a quiet dining room with dated wallpaper and curtains, where we were given the menu.

 

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It changes weekly, and all meals are 5 course for $36.95.

 

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You’re welcome.

And thank you for the fine Patron margaritas….

 

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Okay, this is getting out of hand.

The food was lovely.

 

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Home baked wheat bread with honey butter.

Scallop stuffed mushroom caps… which I ate too quickly to photograph.

 

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Caesar salad.

 

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Bacon wrapped Filet mignon with sweet fig demi glace, medium rare and tender enough to slice with your spoon.

I was too full for dessert but since it was included, the husband had his white chocolate raspberry cheesecake there… and took mine to go.

 

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We waddled out some time later, only to be blocked in by the hearse.

Seriously… you have to love people who rent hearse transportation for their birthday parties.

I didn’t even know that was possible.

 

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But now I totally want to pick up the girls for a night out sometime soon!

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s that time again…

 

 

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Let’s begin.

1.  John Quincy Adams went skinny dipping in the Potomac on his 79th birthday.

 

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If this mental image has to be stuck in my head?

I want it to be stuck in yours as well.

 

2.  After eating, the common housefly regurgitates it’s food and eats it again.

Because sometimes, pizza is just that good.

 

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3.  Charlie Brown’s father is a barber.

Admit it, you never knew that.

You’re welcome.

 

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4.  A barnacle has the largest penis of any other animal in relation to it’s size.

Oddly enough, this is a question that’s rarely asked in trivia games.

And Lord knows, I’ve been waiting to dazzle crowds with my barnacle member dimension knowledge for years.

 

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5.   There’s a town in Texas called Ding Dong.

Truly, there is.

It’s north of Austin.

 

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And I have a question for Texas bloggers…

WTH?

 

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I’m all for being proud of your home town, but….

Damn.

 

 

 

Birthday presents no one gets excited about.

 

We recently celebrated my husband’s birthday.

And as I posted earlier, among other things….

I gave him a rock.

Because I’m that kind of wife.

We celebrated at a friend’s house, and naturally he was speechless.

 

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Okay, at first he didn’t know what the hell it was.

But that’s not always a bad thing. And he could honestly say no one had ever given him a rock before… so that should count for something.

 

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But if you thought that was odd?

Witness the gift our friends gave him.

 

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At first it was a box filled with the weirdest packing peanuts I’d ever seen.

 

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Then it was a little box that said..

 

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And then…

 

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And…

 

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Are you noticing the trend?

 

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This went on forever.

 

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And while I’m sure it was funnier with the 3 margaritas I’d had, even sober ….you have to applaud the effort.

Finally he reached the end.

 

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And I thought, oh yeah.

This is going to be good.

I was wrong.

Very, very wrong.

 

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Huh?

 

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Turns out it was a war nickel which had popped up while my husband was playing poker with the guys a while back. Husband is a coin collector, and had explained what it was to the group.

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So….

Yeah.

They gave him a nickel.

And I gave him a rock.

Do we know how to make a birthday boy happy or what?

 

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Can they spare it?

 

Have you ever shopped Origins?

It’s a high end supposedly all natural line of skin care, scent etc.

 

 

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I stopped in the other day with a girlfriend and while she was buying, I was browsing.

Naturally I was stalked by a saleswoman.

If you know me, you’ll know I hate this… and if you trail me around like a blue tick hound?

I won’t buy anything just out of spite.

I’m in your store. With my wallet. There’s a good chance I’ll buy something if I like it… so leave me the hell alone.

She wouldn’t… so I didn’t.

Seeing her commission walk out the door was apparently too much for this woman, because as I was leaving she handed me a sample pack of products….

 

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With a long detailed description of how wonderful they were and how much I would love them.

It was a little mushroom heavy for my taste… but hey, free is free.

Free?

Maybe.

But when I got home and opened the samples?

 

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The quantity, or lack there of…. surprised even me.

 

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Sorry Origins.

I’d like to tell you I loved them…

But you didn’t give me nearly enough to find out.

 

 

 

 

Turns out you really can get anything from Amazon….

 

But sometimes, my question is this…

Why would you want to?

 

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Personally, I’ve never felt the need to shed my skin like a snake…

But okay, whatever floats your boat.

 

And while I enjoy a good bug museum as much as the next girl…

 

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I’ve never felt the need to actually snack on them.

Eww.

 

This one?

 

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I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it just looks…

Wrong.

 

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Likewise for Fred and friends dunking their nether regions in my cup of hot tea.

Just…

No.

 

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I could probably get behind the bread alignment pad…

 

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And sure.

Wine condoms, if anyone actually ever has leftover wine.

(Is that even possible?)

 

But this last one –

Is not only an affront to common decency…

But the ruination of every backyard bbq and clambake in my foreseeable future.

 

 

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Damn you Amazon…

I may never eat corn again.

 

 

 

 

Sorry, but these are just too good.

 

Yes… I’m knee deep in my Spam folder again.

Apologies, but this stuff is comedic gold.

Arden writes:

Hi there, јust became ɑware of ykur bloɡ thfough Google,
and foսnd that it is really informative. I ɑm ɡoing to watch out for Ƅrussels.

Which is helpful…

Because you never know where they’ll turn up.

 

jhgfdshbxn

 

918kiss for ios

pokies get people from all through the world arrive together just for fun.

Of course they do.

It’s a perfectly delightful dance.

 

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Pasquale Mcalexander

some genuinely interesting information, well written and broadly speaking user friendly.

Good to know, as I always strive to provide content for the simple minded.

 

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Bill

I will right away snatch your rss as I can not find your email subscription link or newsletter service.

When I first read this, I thought it said he was going to snatch my ass because he couldn’t find an email link.

 

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Hey, my blogs are good.

But not that good….

 

Sushi By 7-11

Hello everyone, it’s my first visit at this web site, and article is
really fruitful designed for me

While their appreciation of my fruit is noted, I’m not sure anyone who buys their Sushi at 7-11 can really be trusted.

I mean come on, their potato chips aren’t even fresh.

 

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And finally..

Hanh Bencomo

Who seems to be on the fence when it comes to my posts…

There are some attention-grabbing time limits in this article but I don’t know if I see all of them heart to heart. There may be some validity however I’ll take hold opinion till I look into it further

 

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I really don’t see what the problem is.

I’m a frickin’ delight.

 

 

What a deal!

 

As many of you know, we have a timeshare.

And no, I don’t want to sell it it you.

 

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But timeshares aren’t what they used to be, and we aren’t stuck with just one week in Boca for the rest of our lives.

 

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We travel when we want, where we want, for as long as we want and we’re loving it. When we no longer love it, we’ll give it to someone else so they can love it too.

 

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Last year when we were vacationing in the Berkshires, we ran into a veteran and his wife at our resort in the mountains. Naturally, the men spotted each other’s Marine Corps hats and began an hour long conversation detailing where they were stationed and when. Fascinating as that was, I struck up a conversation with the wife and asked how she liked the condo. She said she loved it and you couldn’t beat the deals they get with AFVC.  ( Armed Forces Vacation Club )  7 nights in a 1 bedroom unit for $349.  (Turns out I could beat it with our timeshare last call program, 7 nights in a bigger 2 bedroom, 2 bath unit for $299… but I kept that to myself.)

But the idea intrigued me, so when we got home I joined. For free.

It’s open to:

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Not usually…
But this time, yes.
AFVC constantly sends me emails with promotions and so called deals.
Like this recent one:
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Am I reading this correctly?
I’ll pay $349 for the normal 7 night stay….
But only stay 2 or 3 nights?
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In what universe is that considered a deal?
Get half as much, but pay the same price.
I may not be the brightest bulb in the pack, but even I’ll pass on that one.

Gravity, thou art a fickle bitch.

 

For women, it’s an inescapable fact.

We age… and things start to head south.

 

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One day you wake up and the girls aren’t as perky as they used to be.

And before you know it?

You’re searching the jeans section for the ones that include butt lifters.

Spanx……

Minimizers….

 

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Over the shoulder boulder holders….

 

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The entire foundation undergarment industry is built on defying female gravity.

And because I’m over 40? (Okay, way over… now shut up)

I’ve got plenty that’s starting the downward descent…

So when I was cruising Bed Bath and Beyond the other day and saw this?

It really ticked me off.

 

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WTF!

Now I have to start worrying that my earrings are going to sag?

It’s enough to make me turn in my woman card.

 

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Clearly, I’m doing it wrong.

 

I have an iPhone.

 

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( If you don’t watch Game of Thrones? Never mind)

And with the iPhone comes Apple news, which I check from time to time for breaking stories.

And may I just say…. what’s passing for news these days is beyond ridiculous.

 

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Roll over Edward R. Murrow,  it’s a Kardashian filled world now.

And they want everyone to see their butts.

 

 

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This picture was in my news feed.

Why? I have no idea.

But it made me realize…

Damn.

I’ve been doing Sundays wrong for years.

 

 

Epic advertising fail.

 

As I was strolling the local hardware store the other day,  I came across an item that was begging to be blogged about.

(Yes, I really heard it begging… so now I have to share.)

‘SnotTape.

 

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Let that sink in a moment.

And then visualize some over paid ad exec on Madison Avenue yelling, “Eureka! That new product? Let’s name it after snot!”

 

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I wasn’t sure where… or why they came up with that name, until I said it out loud a few times and realized it’s a contraction for “it’s not tape”.

Which, of course it is.

It’s tape.

So wth?

And because I’m a dedicated blogger, I did some research… which lead me to the heretofore unknown Professional Painting Contractors Forum. (Oh, the things I do for my readers)

While I agreed with this commenter’s review…

 

“Wouldn’t touch it simply based on the name. What a horrible advertising strategy.”

 

It was the next two responses that made me want to hire these contractors no matter what they charge.

 

I think, “Taint Tape”, would’ve been a catchier name, but whatever

 

And…

 

 

snot worth it.

 

Bravo Professional Painting Contractors Forum.

I agree.

But Snittens?

 

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Now there’s a product worth having.

 

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You’re welcome.