No….
My husband didn’t clean out the basement.
Or the barn.
I’m not talking miracles here.
But finally…
After watching, feeding and photographing the deer in our backyard for the past 17 years?
A doe brought her fawn!
Bambi made an appearance.
And isn’t that just the sweetest?
Jerky that’s just phoning it in.
Perky Jerky.
It’s a thing.
And apparently so is this…
Which is a different type of perky altogether.
Of course, then Google lead me to this…
And yes, I realize you can’t unsee that.
But how often do you actually get to watch a twerking turkey?
You’re welcome.
The following is proof that my husband can inflict cruel and unusual punishment.
It happened at The 72nd Maine Lobster Festival in Rockland, Maine.
We lucked out and found a parking spot close to the festival, and it was across the street from the Trade Winds resort where I spotted the first lobster.
Although it looked more like a demented crawfish…
The stupid thing had teeth!
This did not bode well for the day….
But the weather was perfect…
And we were near the ocean.
It doesn’t get much better than that…
Or does it?
Aaarrgghh!
There be Pirates.
Pirates on the boats…
Pirates on the piers…
Basically, there were pirates everywhere.
And as much as I tried to avoid it?
There was lobster.
Mocking me and my damned allergy.
World’s Largest Lobster cooker?
Yup… that too.
We passed lobster rolls, lobster stew, lobster quesadillas, lobster mac and cheese, lobster chowder, lobster Caesar salad, lobster wontons, even lobster risotto balls….
And then there was this:
Me…. sitting in a tent, surrounded by people eating lobster.
I had to sit and watch my husband as he oohed and ahhed over every last sweet, fresh from the water, dripping in melted butter, bite.
Cruel and unusual to be sure.
It wasn’t easy.
I tried to find solace in a crabmeat roll…
And the required I’m at a street festival and have to eat the junkiest, highest calorie thing I can find fried dough.
It was good… but it wasn’t lobster.
Cursing my treacherous body, I pulled up my big girl panties and soldiered on.
We strolled through the art show…
And into the lobster trap lined entrance to the craft show.
Where the husband bought organic natural honey…
And we saw a buoy that believed size does matter….
There was another tent filled with lobster eaters…
And King Neptune….
Who looked a little lost.
The King is quite popular at the festival….
And people line up for photos whenever he walks by.
My lobster-less belly aside, it was a fun day.
And Rockland is a fun town.
Although I have to admit, the children do look a little….
Off.
Flying fish and Coo Coo is the national dish of Barbados.
But I did, because….
Did you know….
When CBS broadcast the first ever color television show they were the only ones who actually owned a color television?
Did you know…
The Egyptian hieroglyph for one hundred thousand is a tadpole?
Kind of makes you wonder what they were counting…
Did you know…
A snallygaster is a mythical dragon like beast that supposedly haunts rural Maryland?
And all this time I thought it was just David Hasslehoff.
Did you know…
Lachanophobia is the fear of vegetables?
Like kale.
That shit is everywhere.
Did you know…
Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew named Cuitlahac?
Roughly translated Cuitlahac means “plenty of excrement”.
Clearly Monty’s sister had a sense of humor.
Did you know…
In Japan, robots pay union dues.
Which answers the age old age question…
Who killed Jimmy Hoffa?
As we were pulling out of our driveway the other day I spotted something odd in front of our deer ravaged Yew bushes….
Naturally I made the husband stop while I ran back inside for my camera.
It was an odd looking bird I hadn’t seen before…
And when I looked it up online, I understood why.
It was a Chukar.
Introduced from Eurasia, the sandy-brown Chukar is a game bird that lives in high desert plains of western North America, as well as in Hawaii and New Zealand. Its namesake call echoes across dry rocky slopes. It runs and scampers up steep terrain with the agility and speed of a mountain goat, prompting hunters to nickname it the “devil bird” for the brutal chase it gives. Dark bars on the sides and a band across the head and neck adorn this red-billed game bird.
A devil bird?
Well that’s disturbing…
If you look at the map of it’s range in the U.S…..
You’ll see it’s a long way from Maine.
Which got me curious enough to do a little research.
Oh, stop being so dramatic….. you might learn something.
It’s nothing you need or want to know, but still.
Depending on where you live, you may have the fortune of encountering a medium-sized game bird called Chukar. You’ll recognize this bird from their inclusion in many North American field guides, though they are not a native species. Chukars, pronounced “chuh-kahr“, are an introduced species, originating from mountains of middle Eurasia, now common around the western United States’ Great Basin north into western Canada. With this history, and a lack of showing any establishing populations in Maine, Chukars should be treated like other escaped domestic fowl.
Of course. Happy to…
The American Birding Association put forth Criteria for Determining Establishment of Exotics which Maine’s Chukars don’t meet. These birds are raised and released by commercial hunting operations with no success establishing wild populations. Northern Bobwhites are another game species widely released in Maine. While these small quails have successfully bred in the wild multiple times, none of the populations appear to be growing or even stable enough to warrant becoming established.
So basically they’ve taken these poor birds, who have no hope of surviving here, and released them into the wild so they can hunt and kill them. Of course the ones they don’t shoot will probably die of cold or starvation.
Makes me wish I had scooped the sweet little guy up and brought him in the house as a pet.
Humans are cruel.
It’s time for class!
No worries, there won’t be a test.
Maine Adult Education offers endless opportunities to shake your head and say WTF? enrich your mind. Last year there were some fascinating topics:
You’re never too old to learn…. Spoons.
You’re never to old to learn…. Potatoes.
You’re never too old to learn…. Ukulele
You’re never too old to learn…. Chakra Toning.
You’re never too old to learn…. Mindfulness.
And this year started off with a bang as well…
You’re never to old to learn…. Tin Cans.
Today’s selection from the brochure of the bizarre curriculum is:
Yes, you too can have your very own flute made from a pesky weed in your backyard.
To hell with cutting it down…
Blow into it and start a band.
You’ll be the envy of your friends, I promise.
And in case you’re unfamiliar…
Japanese Knotweed is a large, extremely invasive plant.
actual photo of Japanese Knotweed swallowing small child
It’s almost impossible to get rid of once it takes hold, and ironically… cutting only spreads it.
There really is only one reliable course of action available.
So why not take the class…
And make a flute before it swallows you whole?
(Not to be confused with actually fluffing… because, damn. That’s another blog entirely. )
The silver mounds are mounding nicely….
And the red geraniums you all told me to plant? Made the bulkhead doors look even more red…. so, yeah.
Day lilies are popping up among the peonies.
As well as in the shadow of the giant quince bush.
Not sure how that red fellow got in there.
Are there daylily postmen?
Begonias are begonia-ing.
And the lawn that never stops growing affords ample opportunity for the neighbors to test drive the husband’s new toy.
If only they wanted to take more than a few swipes, we could sit on the porch with an adult beverage and enjoy the summer….
Chickens.
You all know I like them. You all know my husband is the evil man who won’t let me have them.
(Okay, so in complete honesty he says I can have them… but I have to be the one who goes out in the minus 20 degree winter temperatures to feed, water, and clean the coop in mid January and we all know that’s not happening.)
Yeah… no.
But if I did have them?
I would totally be on board with the latest chicken trend.
Tutus!
Chickens…
In tutus!
Granted, not all of them look thrilled with the idea.
And okay, watch out for that one. He looks homicidal….
But chickens in tutus!
It’s a good thing.
Thank you Martha.
I thought you might.
If you don’t spend countless hours staring out the window with camera in hand to see if a new bird has shown up at the horrendously expensive buffet of seeds, nuts and suet you arrange on what used to be your laundry pole?
Feel free to skip this post.
But birders will get it.
The other day I spotted a Red Bellied Woodpecker. They used to be relatively rare in Maine and all the field guides say they shouldn’t come any farther north than Massachusetts… yet here they are.
Trying to get an unobstructed shot of one proved a bit more difficult.
Juvenile starlings are notorious photo bombers.
Almost…
Finally.
An even rarer spotting was this Scarlet Tanager.
They’re usually forest dwellers and our place is pretty open.
So I was tickled pink when this little beauty showed up.
Or red, as the case may be.
That’s the wonderful thing about bird watching, you never know what you’ll see.
By now our Baltimore Orioles are usually long gone, but this year I bought a feeder that houses grape jelly so they seem to be sticking around.
These two made me laugh.
They seemed to be squaring off for an orange eating contest.
Granted it doesn’t provide the same excitement of hot dog eating contests…
But there’s also less chance of projectile vomit…
So that’s a plus.
Bird watching… there’s never a dull moment.
Alright, I lie. There are plenty of excruciatingly dull moments, but when something special does happen?
You smile.
Have you ever been out shopping and stumble on a product that makes you go….
I did that the other day when I turned the corner and saw this:
Catchy name.
And I admit… it made me look.
Then?
It made me sorry I looked.
Really?
Let’s break this down.
#1. King of the Throne? Please.
This is the only king who will ever be on our throne.
#2. Tear, unfold and wipe, DUDE.
There are only two people who can get away with saying those words.
#3. *ALSO SWEET FOR FACE, HANDS, PITS & DUDE REGIONS
Dude regions? I don’t want to explore that statement further.
Truly.
I don’t….
#4. Ingredients include flower extract and citric acid.
Considering the purpose of the product… and the location of it’s use? I’m hoping there’s more of the flower and less of the acid.
River's world..... 