Category Archives: Uncategorized

Do you need one of these?

 

Stupid products. They’re everywhere…

Even here.

 

 

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I heard you. You think gas filters aren’t stupid?

Well, this one is for your butt.

 

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The bad part of a fart?

Pray tell, what exactly is the good part…

 

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For those of you who were looking for the perfect stocking stuffer for Xmas this year?

 

 

Next… no tie shoelaces.

 

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Because yes, apparently we really are that lazy.

 

 

 

On first glance this looked promising….

 

 

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Until I remembered the best thing about making S’mores on a campfire is that you don’t have to clean up anything.

Can you imagine the mess that contraption would make in your oven? Melted chocolate and gooey marshmallow crystallizing and baking onto the racks?

 

 

 

Finally, I admit this last stupid product has infinite potential.

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Now call me crazy, but a gentle reminder to change the toilet paper is not the first thing that came to mind when I thought of recording a message.

No…

I want more bang for my buck and was thinking more along the lines of the Tidy Bowl Man yelling  “Incoming!”….. or an upper class British accent begging you not to make a second trip to the buffet at Taco Loco.

 

 

As I said, infinite possibilities.

 

This is not what you want to find when rebuilding….

 

Our old baby barn/shed has a dirt floor with heavy duty rubber mats on top. Due to numerous woodchuck holes and tunnels, we had to drag all the mats out. That sounded easy enough until I realized each one of them weighed the equivalent of an African elephant…

 

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Seriously.

A pregnant, morbidly obese African elephant carrying a suitcase I packed for an overnight trip.

 

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Did I mention they were all covered in pounds of dirt as well?

 

 

So as we’re moving the next to last mat…..

 

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This.

 

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A chipmunk burrow with tiny scraps of paper, plastic and leaves.

Upon further examination…

 

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A maze of tunnels, which I thought was pretty cool, until… it moved.

 

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Do you see the leg?

 

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Yeah.

 

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Not a tunnel.

A nursery…

 

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Which means we had to find the other end of the tunnel and relocate them. Not an easy task.

Five minutes after we found them?

Momma found us.

 

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And she wasn’t happy.

She ran around squawking and chirping and looking for her babies.

 

 

After a while I think she found them, because she stopped searching and started stuffing.

Stuffing her little cheek pouches full of all those little scraps of paper….

 

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And scurrying back for more.

Within minutes she’d cleaned up the whole lot.

Watch her cram a dried leaf that’s almost bigger than she is below.

(And please pardon my husband’s cursing. Things were not going well with the rebuild at this point…)

 

 

After we wasted time relocating chipmunks, we realized we had to relocate a bird’s nest as well.

 

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So many evictions.

I felt like an evil slumlord.

 

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Back to work…. and things did not go well.

Which was completely the husband’s fault.

 

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He had the crazy idea he could square the building properly  (After 40 plus years of Maine frost heaves? Madness!)  and changed the original footprint….. which in turn threw everything off kilter.

More good times.

 

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Did I mention he uses tools from the 1950’s picked up at a yard sale or the dump?

This little jewel feels like it weighs 50 lbs.

 

But he has the original box… and vintage lube.

So it’s special.

 

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P.S.  For those of you who pay attention, this post is actually out of sequence. That back wall is gone now. Apparently my blog scheduling has run amok.

 

 

 

An open letter to 1800PetsAndVets and Discount Coupons Now….

 

Dear Pets and Coupons,

While I thoroughly applaud your tenacious natures, the madness must stop. Save us both some time and aggravation and cease your current cycle of repetitive following. If you haven’t figured it out by now,  I don’t allow my reader list to be clogged with random businesses, and will continue to zap you on a thrice daily basis.

If you’re people who actually reads my blogs?

Great! Drop a comment so I know there’s a real live human being behind the clicks… and I’ll welcome you aboard.

But Pet, from the look of your page….

 

 

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You’re a bot and I won’t tolerate those just to juice my numbers… or my ego.

I remove you both every single day. Multiple times…and still, you return.

It’s become a game. Morning Follow… Morning Zap. Afternoon Follow… Afternoon Zap. Evening follow… Evening Zap. Well, I’m getting a little tired of playing.

Let this serve as a warning, I have an infinite amount of patience and will outlast you.

 

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Yup.

That’s me.

So please….

 

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And let me go.

 

Sincerely yours,

Rivergirl

 

 

It’s starting to look pretty in my neck of the woods.

 

It’s Fall y’all!

 

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Autumn is my favorite time of year.

Crisp air, apples, pumpkins and fiery trees….

 

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And though I live in New England…

 

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And see Mother Nature’s glorious show every October….

 

 

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I never tire of it.

 

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I’m a certified leaf peeper…

 

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So when I crash my car into one of those pretty colored trees because I’m driving home one handed snapping pictures for my blog?

 

 

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I’m telling the police it’s your fault.

 

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And will expect you lot to start a GoFundMe page for my car repairs and hospital bills.

Things I like today…. part 8.

 

I like….

These!

Have you tried them yet?

 

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Well, what are you waiting for?

Go!

 

I like….

Taking a break on our deck after mowing the lawn a few weeks ago, and having a friend show up.

 

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I thought for sure he’d run when he saw me. But he took a good look, deemed me no immediate threat and happily settled in for a nap.

Until the husband opened the door and scared him off.

 

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I like….

Reading that a lobsterman in Falmouth caught a rare 1 in 100 million cotton candy blue lobster….

 

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Took a picture… and donated him to an aquarium where he never has to worry about being captured or eaten again.

 

I like…

Amazing sunrises in our backyard.

 

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I like….

Driving home along country roads this time of year and seeing the trees bursting with color.

 

Autumn in New England is hard to beat.

 

 

Life is good!

 

Some random photographs….

 

Because sometimes I want to share, and they just don’t rate a blog of their own.

 

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A few shots of my local area.

 

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I’m blessed to live in such a beautiful state.

 

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Top that for sunrise color. I dare ya!

As you’ve probably guessed by now, when we travel…. I take a lot of pictures. The husband is quite patient with me and usually pulls over when I point out the window, squeee! and yell pull over. He never wants to photograph anything, so I had to laugh a few weeks ago when he stopped along side something and asked me to take a picture of it for him.

I did….

 

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And am seriously hoping it doesn’t end up in our barn in the near future.

 

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This is not what you want to be following during a traffic jam on Route 1. I saw pink hippos in my dreams for many nights after that.

And finally…

Me.

 

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No makeup, just a smile…. and the realization that laying out in the sun this past summer has bleached my hair to the point where I now have dark roots without ever having dyed it.

What the Hell?

 

Another weekend, another wall.

 

Work on the baby barn project graduated from glacially slow to slow as molasses last weekend…. and we managed to frame a wall in 3 days.

 

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Though to be fair, ripping off that old rotted pressboard is like Chinese water torture.

 

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It literally shreds in your hands.

But slowly… we saw daylight.

 

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And by Saturday afternoon we had open space and a center post that was barely hanging on.

And by barely?

 

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I mean barely.

 

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The husband did the usual dirt shuffle in his ongoing attempt to level the building. A pipe dream at best as it was built in the mid 70’s… and it’s Maine.

Frost heave central.

 

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Measuring is fun.

 

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Ripping out posts that were nailed in with spikes?

Not so much.

 

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Pardon the sun glare and bad manicure… but damn.

Talk about overkill.

 

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Framing started Sunday, with a new window taking center stage.

 

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And continued when the husband decided to dig out all the dirt underneath the structure…

 

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And lay paving stones in yet another attempt to level it.

 

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Then came the rain… and a mad dash to put everything away before it got soaked.

And then?

Then… the baby barn got a rainbow.

 

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And I found my honey at the other end.

 

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Can I get an awwww?

 

 

 

Because sometimes all you can do is ask why…..

 

I stumbled across something the other day and I’m afraid I have to share.

Who knows, some of you may thank me.

Farts Direct

 

 

Yes.

There is a website where you can actually order a fart.

In a jar.

And while I fully support small businesses and entrepreneurs, I have to wonder….why?

Why do we need a variety of jarred farts?

 

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It’s not the first thing I think of when I ask myself, “What do I get the man who has everything?” …. but maybe someone does.

You have to admit the ad campaign is catchy.

“Make a start and choose your fart.”

 

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Who knows?

Maybe it’s the gift your significant other has always wanted…. but was afraid to ask for.

And if that’s the case?

Christmas shopping just got a little easier this year.

 

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Remember…

You saw it here first.

 

 

 

You’re never too old to learn….. LEGOS.

 

Next up in my continuing series on  the absolutely crazy things people will pay money for  Maine Adult Education is…. LEGOS.

Yes, LEGOS.

Those annoying little plastic toy pieces we’ve all stepped on and paid the price.

 

 

And while there have been some other ridiculous classes…

 

You’re never too old to learn…. Spoons.

You’re never to old to learn…. Potatoes.

You’re never too old to learn…. Ukulele

You’re never too old to learn…. Chakra Toning.

You’re never too old to learn…. Mindfulness.

You’re never to old to learn…. Tin Cans.

You’re never too old to learn…. Knotweed Flutes.

You’re never too old to learn… Succulent Picture Frame.

 

This one, and it’s  how the hell can we make this nonsense sound like a legitimate college course  description really made me laugh.

 

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Oh, it’s a facilitated process?  Well, that explains everything.

And they use specially selected LEGO elements! Wow.

Does that mean the red ones… or the green?

The group discussion would be interesting to hear. Problem solving and decision making? Give me a break… exactly what wisdom will you gain?

 

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Okay, there’s that.

But hey, you’ll be utilizing kinesthetic skills and will be required to learn and listen.

This is Serious Play!

Taught by a Serious Play facilitator!

 

 

Of course when I was young, the people who took LEGOS seriously usually ended up like this….

 

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But maybe times have changed.

 

 

Random Bambi ….

 

If you haven’t guessed by now, I take a lot of pictures.

My life may not be fascinating…

But it’s damn sure well documented.

And what’s a blog for if not sharing random baby deer photos from earlier this summer?

 

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Not much to comment on.

 

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Just enjoy the sweetness…

 

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While I organize my photo files.

 

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And if you’re not into cute furry 4 legged babies?

 

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Then tune in again next time…

 

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When I’m sure to have more meaningless drivel.

 

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