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We hadn’t seen much of mother red squirrel lately, which after the last pregnant photo I took of her.. was a very good thing.
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But she showed up yesterday…
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Looking kind of rough. Motherhood must be taking its toll this time around.
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Now if only I could coordinate her visits with this new addition to the backyard wildlife sightings….
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He could solve all our squirrel problems in one fell swoop.
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#2 in the series of ‘I’m definitely not young and single anymore’. Otherwise known as Cosmopolitan magazine highlights.
Or lowlights, you decide.
Gentlemen?
You’ve been warned.
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First up, a strawberry vagina.
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Magical?
Yeah, I must be doing something wrong. And because there are probably other women like me?
Products.
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Am I surprised they are named Honey Pot and Fur?
At this point, I am not.
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This explains a lot about the current generation. I enjoyed moving out of my parents house, but maybe that was just me.
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What brownie abomination is this?
No. Just…. no.
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Wow. And I thought breaking up via text was bad….
Finally there was this:
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Strategically placed mirror aside…. FaceTiming your gynecologist? I’m beginning to relish the fact I’m not in my twenties anymore.
P.S. … don’t be surprised when that cat starts having nightmares.
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Never let it be said I don’t put myself in harm’s way for my loyal readers.
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Yes, I drove home from the store one handed the other day just so I could share a few shots of our beautiful fall foliage in Maine.
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We had a very hot dry summer…
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So the leaves aren’t as vibrant as they could be.
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But it’s still a pretty sweet show.
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Minus the spots and streaks on my dirty windshield that is.
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No small animals were killed while I swerved left for that burning bush…
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And swerved right for that perfect sugar maple.
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Good thing we don’t get much traffic on our road.
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Or police cruisers.
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Ah, autumn in New England.
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If you’ve never experienced it….
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What are you waiting for?
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Because I’m still trying to laugh.
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This just keeps getting worse and worse.
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Teleworking…. everyone is doing it.
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It’s here and we have to deal with it. Might as well mellow out if you can.
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They weren’t.
They definitely weren’t.
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Yes, please.
And maybe into 2022 just to be safe.
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At 8:00 this morning I was standing tall at the orthopedist’s office.
Okay, standing is a relative term… it was more like listing 45 degrees and hopping around like a rabbit on a 3 day bender.
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But you’d hop too if your right knee looked like this:
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A little swollen… no?
The good news –
My xrays came back clean, no fractures, no bone spurs and no signs of arthritis.
The bad news –
The doctor thinks I tore my meniscus when I stained the deck. Fluid and swelling set in, which weakened the joint. Then the other day when I stepped off the porch I probably damaged my ACL and possibly my MCL. Not good.
There’s no way to tell for sure until I have an MRI which they couldn’t schedule until next Thursday.
So a weeks worth of ice, elevation, ibuprofen and gentle range of motion exercises.
And whining.
Don’t forget the whining.
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Yes, there might be some of that kind as well.
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Yes, he tried… and I’m going to give him points for that.
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The other day during the miraculous (and possibly orchestrated by aliens) garage clean out…. the husband tried to sell some tires.
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No, he didn’t put a price on the sign.
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And bless his heart, the pile got bigger as the day wore on because he kept finding more tires.
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He even went out and artfully arranged all the mismatched, unwanted, never fit any vehicle we owned, tires.
But alas, at the end of the day….
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They ended up in our cellar… where they’ll probably die a slow death because no one else wants our unwanted tires either.
But damn it, he tried.
And I appreciate the effort.
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But I’m in pain and quite cranky, so here goes.
Remember a while back I stained our back deck on my hands and knees? I do it every few years but this time it caught up with me. Thank you (not so) old age, you suck the big root.
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My knee had been stiff and sore for the last month but I’m tougher than I look and just went about my business.
Bad move. Very, very bad.
Yesterday I stepped off my kitchen porch and something snapped. Like a rubber band… and yes, I screamed. Did I mention we had a big storm the night before and had been without power for 10 hours by then?
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Good times.
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I hobbled back in the house and iced it down but holy hell it hurt. I couldn’t walk, couldn’t bend, couldn’t put any weight on it whatsoever. Spent a very uncomfortable and sleepless night, then woke up looking something like this:
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I didn’t dare attempt a shower, so I limped to the doctors office this morning with my radical bed head and frightened a few staff members along the way.
Hey, ya gotta take your jollies where you can.
Turns out the doctor they assigned me wasn’t really a doctor just a nurse practitioner. And when he put me on the table to start pulling and tugging my leg in different directions? I was ready to cram his stethoscope where the sun don’t shine.
After the exam and manipulation I was almost in tears. Which is when he told me to go across town for xrays and an appointment with an orthopedist because oh, by the way… he had no earthly idea what was wrong with me. As I made my way back to the waiting room… with the speed of a 200 year tortoise… I discovered my husband had decided now would be a good time to request his flu shot.
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Which we waited a good half hour for.
So.. by the time I got across town, had xrays and was ready for my orthopedist appt? We found out the orthopedist leaves at noon.
It was 12:05…. and I was not a happy camper.
Long story long, I have an appointment tomorrow morning at 8:00am and they think I either tore a ligament or ripped a tendon. Either way, it’s not good.
And oh yes, my devoted spouse who took the day off from work to care for me? He’s at our local pub having a late lunch. Me? I had to make my own.
Ain’t love grand?
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And what passes for local news on their Facebook page.
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No, I don’t know what’s happening either. But turtles are involved so it must be good.
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Goat shooing happens more often than you think here.
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Now this is news!
While we do live in Maine, moose are more commonly seen up north. Having one stroll our river is a sure way to fire up the locals.
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This is another type of wildlife sighting altogether. A traveling donkey who spends a few nights on your lawn by request. Made by a local artist, his name is Mr. H.
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Goats are still on the loose.
Clearly their walkabout is causing concern.
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But in happier news, the slandering chicken is back home on the drivay.
Perhaps if her owner learned how to spell she’d stay home more often.
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Not quite.
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But the first coat of red stain is on the big barn and it looks beautiful to me.
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I’m not sure the husband’s thrill factor is quite as high as mine… but he keeps saying “It looks different.” so I’ll take that as a win.
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Different.
Well, yes.
That was the point!
And I think baby barn approves….
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This first one makes me laugh because I’ve been saying it for years.
Don’t waste your money on expensive wrinkle creams ladies… just get some spackle and a putty knife to fill in those cracks.
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See?
Same idea… different packaging.
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Bad pun aside, if I want to slather egg white on my face? I’ll wait until it’s time to bake blueberry coffee cake again.
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No plastic egg required.
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This has always baffled me.
It’s ACID…. and peels off a layer of your skin to boost that brightness. Vegan?
Well no shit.
How many cows do you know who are filled with acid?
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Silicone mask brush?
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Looks like another putty knife to me.
Finally, there’s lip lifter.
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Lip lifter.
For Christ’s sake. I have boob lifting bras and butt lifting panties …. now you want me to lift my lips?
I give up.
Gravity, do what you will. As long as I can still lift the martini glass?
I’m good.
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