Tag Archives: humor

Uncategorized

Let’s Talk Chicken… chapter 2.

May 16, 2019 Rivergirl 37 Comments

Admit it, you’d thought I’d forgotten about this series.

IMG_E4092

Well, I didn’t.

And in case you missed chapter 1…

Let’s talk chicken…

Onward!

Chapter 2.

Chicken etiquette.

(Be honest…

Where else can you find quality blog content like this?

No where, that’s where.)

Chickens are the most common bird on earth.

And since they out number us by 43 billion?

You might want to pay attention.

The uprising could come any day now.

Pecking order is important… and not always based on size. Scientists believe breed, intelligence and personality allow chickens to size up other members of the flock. Knowing your place is what it’s all about.

The usual hen house order goes like this:

The rooster is king.

Let’s call him Jon…

i-am-the-king-in-the-north-but-im-just-a-user-on-my-pc

Next is the head hen…

We shall call her Sansa.

165viu

Then there’s the sentinel.

Whose name is Arya.

16kvfo

And finally, the weak bottom dweller…

Who, of course… is named Theon.

67e03875e795895fe976e5ebf42755f8

(Hey, it’s Game of Thrones final season…

It can’t all be about chickens.)

But here’s a tidbit of trivia you probably could have gone all day without knowing.

Cold hearted bitches, chickens.

But who can blame her when a man with better hair comes along?

Uncategorized

Anyone want a cuppa?

May 15, 2019 Rivergirl 22 Comments

I read an article the other day about one of the world’s most expensive teas.

Yes, tea.

Those lovely little leaves you drop into hot water and steep.

having-tea_o_1112071

Pure ambrosia….

As long as it’s not the dishwater my MIL used to drink.

tea

If you’re drinking tea? For God’s sake, drink tea.

I love tea, and am always intrigued to try a new one.

Except the one I read about the other day. It was called PET, short for Panda Ecological Tea. This particular tea sells for $200 a cup….. and if that’s not enough to frighten you away, the fact that’s it’s grown in China and is fertilized entirely with panda poo should be.

Apparently pandas poo 40 – 50 times a day, so I’m guessing supply isn’t an issue.

6e169eab1388f428f6e612cfc8847013dd493ca36b707ad487ac1fc48fa8a615

Questionable?

Probably.

Although you can’t fault the marketing campaign….

panda-poop-tea

It’s simply delightful.

And while I was researching this topic?

prepare-yourself-poop-is-coming

I stumbled across another panda poo product…

gettyimages-895782808

A new type of luxury facial tissue made with recycled Panda feces is set to be launched in China.

The bizarre product, called “Panda poo,” will retail at for $6.54 a box, ten times the price of ordinary tissue paper.

Addressing concerns of skeptics who may find it unhygenic to wipe their faces with feces, Zhou said that there are many processes in place to ensure the product is ready for consumption. After washing and streaming, the paper will be sterilized in high temperatures.

Panda poo.

Who knew it was so versatile?

Uncategorized

Still drinking, still knowing…

May 14, 2019 Rivergirl 53 Comments

Still have to share my ridiculously useless knowledge.

GUEST_093223f4-e3c8-4e44-a847-a9c0c2030952

Did you know….

1. The little dot over a lower case i is called a tittle.

(There won’t be any memes to accompany that precious nugget of information.

Google image searching for the word “tittle” led me in some very disturbing directions.)

2. An octopus will eat it’s own arms if it gets hungry enough.

But Hell….

I think we’ve all been tempted to do that at one time or another, no?

hD44F9B9E

3. In 1900 the third leading cause of death was diarrhea.

Aren’t you glad you started reading this blog?

17248f

4. Winnie the Pooh was based on a real life female bear named Winnie who lived in the London Zoo.

aGxZvwG_700b

5. The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by the Egyptians in 2000 BCE.

D5zH9RyT8nEwg2xi6eYk3tJqTzACEEdA6Qu9zBAnvqdmxhVEmeqGJ6NTdTJnh8cbC1YQNGg2uryrqDfLCsSc3BYpeXHe8Xd5w4sXCKw4xCDSsPpAmhkhnuECTdZFfx2dHFw8ez

I don’t know about you, but crocodile dung would definitely be enough to kill the mood for me.

6. Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.

Really?

Orchids I could understand. They’re fussy, creepy, high maintenance flowers that look like they want to bite off your finger.

But ferns?

They’re delightful..

1tyt3w

7. Buzz Aldrin’s mother’s maiden name was Moon.

How’s that for serendipity?

jwuhj

8. If you live in Michigan, it is illegal to put a skunk in your boss’s desk.

Sorry Detroiters…

I’m sure that’s very disappointing news.

h4BD2E851

Uncategorized

The great goat escape.

May 13, 2019 Rivergirl 35 Comments

Yes, we who live in the country are easily amused.

goats-are-amphibious-now-photo-u1

A few weeks ago as I was doing dishes, I saw one of our neighbor’s goats on the run…. with their daughters hot on it’s heels.

It was a grand chase.

And went on long enough for me to photograph it.

Don’t think goats can run?

Try chasing one.

One daughter managed to steer it closer to the outbuildings…

And viola… the take down.

Country goats.

Because city people don’t know what to do with them…

2tj76d

Dragons on the other hand…

Bwaahaahaa!

Uncategorized

Maybe, just maybe….

May 12, 2019 Rivergirl 43 Comments

It’s been said I buy too much food when I go grocery shopping.

And I agree, that might be true.

So every once in a while I have to purge my kitchen cabinets and pantry of non used and ~~so old they’re rusting~~ slightly out date products.

It really is amazing how much stuff I can stuff in there.

Did I need 13 bags of nuts and dried fruit to add to my salads?

Apparently yes.

Yes, I did.

I also needed 5 bottles of vinegar (which I despise) and numerous Asian condiments that never managed to make it into a stir fry.

All of the above had to be thrown out.

Were they past their prime?

Perhaps a wee bit.

And as much as it killed me, I threw out a chocolate bar.

imagesXIGJII85

Because yes, they really can go bad…. even though I didn’t think that was possible.

And speaking of chocolate, did you know there’s now a Game of Thrones Oreo?

54446682_134234331038427_1940526065341322482_n

Oh, yes…. there is.

And if you like the Game of Thrones intro?

You’re going to love it in Oreos.

Uncategorized

Epic thrift store finds.

May 10, 2019 Rivergirl 51 Comments

I read an article the other day about the crazy things people find at thrift stores. This was right up my alley as I used to post my wackadoodle discoveries as well.

If you’ve never thrifted?

You’ve never really shopped.

I mean really…. where else can you find these treasures.

Searching for fine literature?

Find it at the Thrift store.

Not being a musher, I was totally unaware sexual preference was even a factor.

Go figure.

When you’re in need of a box of decapitated doll heads?

And let’s be honest…

Who isn’t these days?

1434377970363

They’re at the Thrift store.

When you’re searching for a little extra something to compliment the dogs playing poker velvet wall hanging in your living room?

You’ll find it at the Thrift store.

Shells playing poker are perfect.

Fido’s constant shedding driving you nuts?

Thrift store to the rescue.

Beat grandma to the punch this Christmas and give her the ugly sweater.

Can’t find that just right gift for the dominatrix in your life?

Look no more…. your local thrift store has S&M Teddy.

Her heart will melt, and then she’ll whip heart shaped cuts on your thighs.

It’s a win win.

And speaking of gifts…

Those hard to buy for people?

They’d love a vomit clock from the Thrift store.

Yes, that was the description the person who found it gave in the article.

Vomit clock.

I’m hoping (really, really hoping) that it’s just heavily shellacked pebbles in a putrid pink hue.

But hey, it came from a thrift store….

Anything’s possible.

7b908e3b07d0143759e827a34ed77cdf

Uncategorized

If only it were on our list….

May 9, 2019 Rivergirl 50 Comments

I often cruise our timeshare site looking for deals. Someplace we’ve never been, some lovely resort where we’d like to stay.

Then the other day I read an article that made me rethink my aversion to Airbnb.

Yes.

We could rent a potato.

No joke.

Apparently this particular spud toured the US for six years on the back of a truck, and no one knew what to do with it afterward.

5cc028fd66ae8f79733c36c5-750-563

While my first thought wouldn’t have been, ‘Hey, let’s throw a queen size Serta in there and rent that baby out!’

Clearly I lack vision.

A giant (fake) potato has been turned into a home that you can rent on Airbnb.
The Big Idaho Potato Hotel is a 6-ton potato structure that was created to promote spuds across the US.
A small-home developer turned it into an incredibly stylish rental property.
It costs $200 a night.

It’s a real hotel room, of sorts.

The potato sleeps two, with one queen bed, and there’s a small bathroom, a kitchenette, a fireplace, and air-conditioning too. With millennial-pink accents and house plants aplenty, it’s as Instagrammable inside as out.

Measuring 28 feet long, 12 feet wide, and 11.5 feet tall, the giant potato was created by the Idaho Potato Commission to promote the noble vegetable.

5cc027febd1e27692b5eeb62-750-563

Granted the landscaping leaves a little to be desired.

And the views?

Well, it is Idaho.

Which is probably why there are no windows.But still.. it’s a giant tater!!

We’ve all dreamed about living inside a potato, with hash browns for cushions, fries as shelves, and a giant bowl of fluffy mash to snuggle into at night.

So if spuds are your one true love, you’re probably going to want to book a night in the Big Idaho Potato Hotel, which has been listed on Airbnb.

And there you have it…

The perfect vacation getaway.

You’re welcome.

And just in case you didn’t think I could tie Game of Thrones into this post?

Never doubt me.

Uncategorized

It’s a sign!

May 8, 2019 Rivergirl 34 Comments

Do you believe in signs?

In prophesies…

In portends?

Because I think I got one the other day.

I was sitting in our living room, innocently reading…

When this appeared on the wall.

Game of Thrones fans are shuddering, but for the rest of you clueless readers?

It’s the Bolton sigil, the flayed man.

39487ty

Striking fear in the hearts of Thrones viewers until someone asked the question…

large

Sansa.

That’s who.

But clearly this can’t be a coincidence. What does it mean?

The Boltons are all dead, they’re not flaying anyone. And it’s the final season of GOT, so if I’m meant to flay someone….

I’d better hurry.

There are only 2 episodes left.

And btw, if you think I’m an over the top Throner?

Witness my girlfriend who’s having a watch party every Sunday night. She sets out photos of the characters on her mantle, complete with burning candles.

IMG_4569 (Medium)

Every time someone dies? She snuffs them out.

Now that’s dedicated.

Uncategorized

The greatest story ever… shown?

May 7, 2019 Rivergirl 39 Comments

While I’ve been known to Bitmoji on occasion….

And used to see the appeal of texting miniature versions of myself to friends…

I read something this afternoon that made me do a double take.

Yes.

There is now a Bitmoji Bible.

“In the year of our Lord 2019, someone recreated the Bible through Bitmoji. The Bitmoji Bible is more of a collection of a handful of stories found in Jewish and Christian holy scriptures than an actual translation told exclusively through Bitmoji. While much of the actually philosophical passages aren’t included — how are you supposed to discuss promises of salvation through a few cartoon characters? — you might recognize more well known myths, like the story of David and Goliath. “

unnamed

Now I’m not a religious woman, and I admit to never having read the good book cover to cover…. but I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess David never said “Hey Boo” to the giant Philistine.

5cb760678622462b634c64f8-750-538

And if there was a Garden of Eden?

I somehow doubt their trees were in pots.

“Today’s children are more likely to read a text message than a book,” co-creator Daniel Eckler said through Twitter DM. “Given the Bible has been translated into more than 3000 languages, I thought it should be translated into one of the most popular contemporary languages.”

Jesus wept.

Repeat after me…

Bitmoji is not a contempary language, it’s a collection of bad cartoons.

Quoting an excerpt from Genesis about the whole world speaking the same language, Eckler believes it’s “important to speak to people in their language.”

So help me out here…

Is that Joseph?

And is he spitting his coffee out because Mary just told him about the immaculate conception?

He notes that his goal isn’t necessarily to evangelize, but rather to open the door to higher thinking for people who may not already be interested in it — he references biblical redemption themes in Star Wars and The Matrix. “Not to say they’re substitutes, but as long as people are seeking spiritual truths,” Eckler said. “I think they’ll find them where they find them.”

Let me get this straight…. to understand Christianity I don’t have to read the bible.

I just have to sit through The Empire Strikes Back?

Well if that’s the case…