Tag Archives: humor

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Another classic.

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Yes, the husband found another classic horror film while eating lunch the other day.

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The Green Slime, circa 1968. By the time I tuned in the slime had turned into tentacled creatures…

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And the perfectly coiffed nurses were desperately trying to save the injured.

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The creatures were relentless. Think Jehovah Witnesses…. they never give up.

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There was hand wringing and high pitched shrieking and numerous quivering lips.

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But never fear ladies, the hero has a high tech gizmo cart which will save the day.

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Only it didn’t…

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And the space station was soon in peril.

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Mission control had no answer.

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So an escape pod was launched.

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But no! There were creatures outside ready to block its path.

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Cue the hero and his handy dandy ray gun… he barbecued them.

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And then, just when you thought it was safe…. creatures were interfering with lift off on the bridge.

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Our hero battled bravely…

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Or maybe he experienced an interstellar orgasm, it’s hard to tell…. either way, he sacrificed himself for the greater good. The pod escaped.

And the station with all the burning creatures went down in flames.

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Yes sir.

A classic piece of cinema.

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They give souvenirs now.

28 Comments

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My MRI was today… and after they made me strip naked and dress in scrub pants that were 3 sizes too small and double hospital johnnys that were 12 sizes too big, they did their thing on my knee.

A solid half hour of cacophony later, I got a souvenir.

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I know they give you ultrasound pictures of your baby in utero, but I’m not sure I’ll be having a look at all the fluid on River’s knee reveal party anytime soon.

And yes, though I’ve gotten the swelling down with elevation and ice packs, there’s still a lot of fluid where fluid shouldn’t be.

Good news? No torn ligaments and minimal damage to my MCL.

Yay!

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Bad news?

My meniscus tear is a deep root tear which is more serious, slower to heal and could require surgery.

Boo.

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But I did a zoom meeting with my orthopedist when we got home and she said we’ll try to avoid that.

More ice, more exercises and a cortisone shot next Friday to speed up healing so I can do more load bearing.

Load bearing? I know I’m a bit overweight, but that seems a trifle harsh.

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Real time at Casa River.

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So this is my life.

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I elevate, ice, read, and groan every time I have to move. Not how I envisioned spending my favorite time of year.

The foliage is peak, the temperatures are blissfully cool and I’m stranded on the couch like a beached Beluga.

There are very few good things to report when you’ve torn your meniscus and damaged your MCL, but one must take solace where one can.

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My husband feeling guilty for his mobility and finally installing the new blinds in the office? The ones that have been sitting next to his desk for the last 3 months?

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My husband breaking the special order extra wide curtain rod for my Waverly valance after I told him to be careful because they’re tricky to take down? Because he has no patience for anything the least bit domestic and never thinks I know what I’m talking about? Because he was cursing a blue streak as he tried to tape it back together?

Solace for a couch bound whale wife.

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Please excuse the 2 six packs, 5 bottles of wine and the jug of premixed cherry limeade margaritas in the corner.

My liquor cabinet is full… and Jeff Bezos can only do so much.

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CSA and grocery store horrors.

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Another veggie bonanza.

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Tomatoes, beets, leek, basil, carrots, parsley, squash, radish, chickory, spinach, Korean melon and yes… the dreaded kale.

It’s lovely having fresh organic veggies right out of the ground and buying less at the grocery store’s produce section.

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Tastes like an artichoke. Then why not buy an artichoke? I’m so tired of wannabe food.

Be what you are…. and be happy!

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No.

Burgers are not made from plants! Not in my world anyway. But did you notice the oh so cleverly named Incogmeato only has 32% less fat than the real thing? Where’s the other 68% come from… lard coated arugula?

I’ll pass.

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Right Rice made from vegetables is wrong.

So wrong in fact, check out the bottom left corner of the package. It’s made from chickpeas, peas and.. rice.

Rice made from rice.

What a novel idea.

And then, because I live and shop in Maine? This was also available for purchase:

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A map of mooses.

(Meese?)

Big goofy looking things with horns, often seen in the company of a squirrel.

You can’t miss them.

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The nightmare continues.

27 Comments

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We thought we’d found the perfect used car for our 19 year old niece. A 2008 Hyundai Sante Fe with only 60,000 miles. It was clean, had new tires, brakes, struts, alternator and battery. It rode well and shifted smoothly.

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It was a one owner car with a clean record.

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The price was on the low end of a fair market range.

But because I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t trust anyone, we took it to our trusted mechanic/old friend for a once over.

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He crawled under it to check for rust.

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He put it up on the lift to check whatever you check when you put a car up on a lift.

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He checked the engine and fluids and belts.

He even test drove it.

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We were pretty sure it would get his seal of approval until we pulled back into his garage …

And the dreaded check engine light came on.

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Hooking it up to his handy code reader…. it said error POO18.

Poo is rarely good, but no one wants to spend thousands of dollars on an engine full of it.

P0018 is the OBD-II generic code indicating that the camshaft position sensor A for bank 2 does not correlate to the signal from the crankshaft position sensor.

The bank 2 intake camshaft is out of position compared to the crankshaft position. The bank 2 camshaft phaser is stuck in one position or will not move.

So, poo!

Back to the dealership she went along with my hopes and dreams of ending the month and half long car search we’ve been on for a 19 year old’s first car.

In my day unscrupulous car dealers used to roll back the odometer. These days that’s too difficult, so they just switch off the check engine light instead.

Grrr.

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Motherhood can be rough

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We hadn’t seen much of mother red squirrel lately, which after the last pregnant photo I took of her.. was a very good thing.

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But she showed up yesterday…

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Looking kind of rough. Motherhood must be taking its toll this time around.

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Now if only I could coordinate her visits with this new addition to the backyard wildlife sightings….

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He could solve all our squirrel problems in one fell swoop.

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Cosmo-what?

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#2 in the series of ‘I’m definitely not young and single anymore’. Otherwise known as Cosmopolitan magazine highlights.

Or lowlights, you decide.

Gentlemen?

You’ve been warned.

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First up, a strawberry vagina.

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Magical?

Yeah, I must be doing something wrong. And because there are probably other women like me?

Products.

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Am I surprised they are named Honey Pot and Fur?

At this point, I am not.

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This explains a lot about the current generation. I enjoyed moving out of my parents house, but maybe that was just me.

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What brownie abomination is this?

No. Just…. no.

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Wow. And I thought breaking up via text was bad….

Finally there was this:

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Strategically placed mirror aside…. FaceTiming your gynecologist? I’m beginning to relish the fact I’m not in my twenties anymore.

P.S. … don’t be surprised when that cat starts having nightmares.

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Risking life and limb for my blog.

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Never let it be said I don’t put myself in harm’s way for my loyal readers.

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Yes, I drove home from the store one handed the other day just so I could share a few shots of our beautiful fall foliage in Maine.

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We had a very hot dry summer…

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So the leaves aren’t as vibrant as they could be.

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But it’s still a pretty sweet show.

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Minus the spots and streaks on my dirty windshield that is.

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No small animals were killed while I swerved left for that burning bush…

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And swerved right for that perfect sugar maple.

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Good thing we don’t get much traffic on our road.

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Or police cruisers.

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Ah, autumn in New England.

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If you’ve never experienced it….

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What are you waiting for?

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Real time update.

38 Comments

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At 8:00 this morning I was standing tall at the orthopedist’s office.

Okay, standing is a relative term… it was more like listing 45 degrees and hopping around like a rabbit on a 3 day bender.

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But you’d hop too if your right knee looked like this:

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A little swollen… no?

The good news –

My xrays came back clean, no fractures, no bone spurs and no signs of arthritis.

The bad news –

The doctor thinks I tore my meniscus when I stained the deck. Fluid and swelling set in, which weakened the joint. Then the other day when I stepped off the porch I probably damaged my ACL and possibly my MCL. Not good.

There’s no way to tell for sure until I have an MRI which they couldn’t schedule until next Thursday.

So a weeks worth of ice, elevation, ibuprofen and gentle range of motion exercises.

And whining.

Don’t forget the whining.

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Yes, there might be some of that kind as well.

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